We need to monitor how we give to other people. I learned this, yet again, with someone in my life recently who I gave a lot to, helped out a lot, sacrificed and made the other person very comfortable (not romantic or anything like that).

The end result was that the other person got so comfortable with our relationships that the person assumed that they were there to stay and could make changes in my life, hard and even bad changes, without consulting me or thinking that I would get upset.

It was all about the other person, but when confronted it was considered bad behaviour for me to bring it up, defend myself, or say that I felt betrayed and so on.

In other words, the other person became comfortable with our friendship and took advantages and assumed full power and control and that I would be alright about it even though it was abusing our friendship and my life.

I was told by someone else who knew this individual that I was making things to comfortable for the one who abused me. But to me I felt that I was being nice, compassionate, doing what good friends do, and showing friendship-love, and yes I was doing all these things.

But to the other person I was opening the door to allow them to take more than they gave, and they saw my kindness as submissiveness, weakness and a sure sign that abusing our friendship was all-okay because I was stupid enough to let them get away with it.

The real issue is the mental-makeup, foundation of the other person who had moral, ethics, issues and was not on the same mental level as me about fairness, kindness, compassion.

Where I saw these things as normal, the other person saw them as weaknesses in other people and a sign to take control and abuse at their will for an unequal relationship where they take far more than they give and they feel that we have given them all the signs that we are all right with it and that’s their go-ahead to abuse.

So in the end it was “off with you” and out into the cold and I will now keep you at a distant friendship or away for good. For our own sanity we need to step up our game, see the wrongs being done. discard the sentiment (that is keeping us trapped to them and the abuses) and set them free, let them go, and get back to our own life.

Recognizing what we need, what is important to our own selves, what we desire and such and we can see all this in other people and when people have been found to foul the deal, set them free promptly and start again.

Don’t despair, there are billions of people to choose from. Just be more careful and choosy about relationships in the future now that you are wiser.

All the best from
James M Sandbrook.
24th of May, 2021.