Personal Development

We all need to learn how to love ourselves in a way that we can be true to ourselves.

This may not be easy for some people and much too easy for others. If you love yourself in a non-selfish manner then you will find it easier to get on with yourself. By the way, I am not talking about being vain and thinking that you are the greatest thing on Earth. I am talking about you having an honest full appreciation for yourself and who you are. About being happy with the you that you are to the extent that you are truly content with yourself, even to the full extent of knowing that you can and will act throughout the rest of your life in a manner that you believe is right and good.

I have faults and you have faults, learning to accept these faults will help us to know more about ourselves and who we are and what our limitations are. No human was ever born perfect and as far as I know the closest was Jesus Christ, the rest of us I am afraid to say will just have to learn to get on with ourselves. The more we learn about ourselves the better. The nicer and better we become the better for ourselves and for others.

But we must be very honest with ourselves. Don’t by any means let this idea dive you into depression, you have many great features that nobody else on this Earth has, at least in the same bundle. Even an identical twin is not identically the same as you, only you are YOU. When you were born you were the only person world-wide who was and is like you, and that makes you very special and different from everybody.

Speech

Have you listened to yourself recently on a recording?
Do you use lots of slang?
Do you Um and Ah a lot?
Do you mumble?
Do you use many negative words when you speak?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions then I highly suggest that you try to do something about these habits. It is very easy to get into the habit of slang and negative statements, I have caught myself out many times picking up these bad habits. One suggestion I have is for you to change the slang word or negative statement for another word. So instead of me saying “Hey, John looks real cool!” I could say “John looks real good!” or even change most of the sentence to say “John looks very nice today, those clothes suit him.”

Words are a very powerful, effective, and efficient way to express yourself to the rest of the worlds population. Mere words can start a world war, they can break a persons heart, they can cause immense joy and happiness to millions, words can sting with pain, words can cause your heart to flow up in the heavens with love and laughter. To find a way to control words is a sure way to improve anyone’s life. As many editors and writers have learnt – words are power, and without words and their meanings the human race would be lost in the basic world that all other animals live in on this planet – our only problems would be food, reproduction and defending ourselves. That’s a fact!

What words do you use? Obviously you use many different words everyday, even if you don’t talk to anyone else you think in your head using words. This was part of the power of positive thinking – words. Yes, normal everyday words (and the meanings of those words) can drive you to happiness and success, or they can destroy you.

Using slang, bad language and negative statements can turn your once wonderful life into a world of sadness and despair. As a human being you owe it to yourself to be surrounded in the language of love and happiness. To do this you will need to change some of those words that have become a part of your life, words that you use and the people around you use.

Bad Language

Some children grow up with bad language in the home and so to them it is second nature to use bad language while they are young and when they grow up. Bad Language is a habit that many different people use for different reasons, it is also a good way to lose friends and attract the wrong people. Typically people who use bad language speak this way for the wrong reasons.

How to remove this bad habit from your life?

This is how I did it, you may do the same if it suits you or something similar. Many years ago when my two eldest daughters were young I used bad language and I was horrified when my eldest daughter, then about 3 years old, copied me. When I was young bad language was common in our home and the habit had grown with me as I had grown. This didn’t appeal to me to see my cute young children speaking in this way, so I decided that it was time to do something about it. I was honest enough to realise that it was me who had made the error by continuing to use bad language and I hope you will feel the same if you use bad language in your home (or at all).

Although I wasn’t very fit at the time I thought that I needed a punishment to put me off using this type of speech, and it had to be something I didn’t want to do. Finally I came up with the idea of press-ups. I have always struggled with press-ups and could only do about 5 with a big struggle. I asked my two daughters to monitor me and I also explained to them that Daddy had picked up this bad habit of using bad language from when he was young and he wanted to remove it from his life because he knew that it was not good manners to speak like this, and that it was not good for them to hear Daddy speak in this way. Daddy wanted to be a good example for his children.

So when I slipped up and let out a bad word I got 10 press-ups, yes that’s right – ten press-ups for each bad word. The first few days were very hard on me and my arms, but I struggled on. To motivate me all I had to do was imagine one of my cute daughters saying a bad word and it urged me on to great success. The end result is that I actually got stronger (which helped me feel better about myself) and my children have never used bad language since then, even today those two girls are now teenagers and they don’t use bad language, so this little exercise seemed to have a long lasting effect on all of us. Maybe they respected me for doing something about it. I have always told them to keep trying when they wanted to succeed so that may have helped as well.

One method we use in this book is called Anchors or Anchorisms. We can anchor a thought in our minds to replace another thought or in this case, replace a word. Say a person uses a bad word often like this “Hey, what the %&**%$ is that!” With practise that person (in a short period of time) can change the sentence to “Hey, what was that!” Eventually you will find that you will be using another word instead of the bad word or changing the sentence so that it is more acceptable with what you expect you should be saying. Sadly it takes time to remove these toxic words from your mind and speech, but don’t give up – the rewards are worth it. People will notice the change in you and you will gain better and more friends for your efforts.

You can also read good books to change the way you think and talk. Good books like Charles Dickens works, Dickens books have stood the test of time and have good strong structure. By reading well written works you should eventually find that you are structuring your own sentences better when you talk and write letters, etc.

Good And Bad Thoughts

We all have good and bad thoughts, but one of the secrets in life is to have control over your bad thoughts to the extent that they are nearly non-existent and those that still exist are easily put aside or pushed out of your mind. If you have many good thoughts then you know that you are obviously a good person, no good person can have a library of bad thoughts running around in their head because eventually they would give into the constant natter of the bad thoughts.

So good thoughts are what we want and bad thoughts are what we don’t want. Can bad thoughts be controlled – Yes they can! How?

You could try the Goal Formula:

Affirmation + Goal + Anchor = New Positive Habit.

But we have other solutions as well…
Some people have spent a lifetime with bad people and bad thoughts from the environment that they were brought up in, this constant battering of their brains installs bad thoughts in their minds from a very young age. If this is you then I have good news…you can change bad thought patterns! It will take time but the effort is worth it.

What is often called “The Criminal Mind” would harbour many bad thoughts, and yes, those minds can be redirected in the Good Thoughts direction as well.

What would motivate you into changing your thoughts from bad to good?
What would be the point of all this effort be to you?
What advantages are there for you if you do take the time to change your thinking pattern from bad to good?

Reading good book material will help you greatly in this effort, the classics have the value of being easy to read with no bad language and having a good story line. Books by Charles Dickens are a good example. You need to focus on entertainment material that does not have content that could trigger or remind you of bad thoughts. Many, many good fiction books have been written that have good language structure, a good story, examples of good and bad characters and they are long enough to hold up your attention for a long period of time and you soak up the information in each book. When you read a book that was written by the likes of Charles Dickens you also take in many words and thoughts that good people use.

If you read four Charles Dickens books, one after the other, over a period of time (maybe a couple of weeks or months to really let this good English sink in) then you will find that you will be using the very same words that are used by Charles Dickens in his stories. Your writing will also improve in the same manner. What you are doing is soaking your brain with material that is the opposite to what you are used to. The human brain will take in any information that you give it, so give it good information and you will find that you will pick it up in your daily life activities.

Look for books that are written by writers who are known to use good language and have stood the test of time. Even after a hundred years these books are still widely read all over the world. Modern pulp-fiction is not well known for its good content or good English, and remember that what we are trying to do is improve the way that we think and we want to learn good thought patterns.

Reading biographies will help as well.

Avoid videos, television programs and modern magazines that promote violence, bad language and sexual content. These are designed to catch the attention (and money) of the public. If you really want to change your thought patterns then you really have to make this effort.

Avoid friends that have nothing good to say or friends that have bad habits. You will find that after you have successfully changed your thinking from bad to good you will probably not want to associate with friends like that anyway (or anymore). Being with them will just take you back to where you (in your mind) don’t want to be.

Read books about hobbies or making things. We are trying to re-educate our minds to the extent that we will change for the better ourselves, this can be lots of fun as you have a very good excuse to sit down and read for hours for the pure fun of it.

With constant ‘downers’ pouring into our lives when we are young we tend to collect bad thoughts and we see things in the world as bad, or we may even think the world is bad and hardly any good happens. These thoughts infect our minds and we have to find way to remove them. My upbringing was not positive and I needed a way to recognise bad thoughts and remove them.

One method that I use is to give myself press ups the moment after a bad thought comes to mind.
I have a bad thought. I know now that I have to get down on the ground and start to do 10 press ups for every bad thought. If you are totally honest with yourself this system will work for you, it’s up to you and how much you really want to change your life. Press ups can be done day or night and anywhere. When I have just snuggled up in bed all warm and comfy and pleased to be there, I start to think of things, maybe create a dream…and then WHAM! a bad thought comes through. I sigh and then tell myself I won’t bother with the press ups and then I remember that I have an obligation to keep with myself, so I get out of bed and start doing my ten press ups. As you can imagine bad thoughts at bedtime didn’t last long.

You have to be willing to succeed. The key to success is to never give up and to refuse to succumb to weakness (in this case not doing your press ups is a weakness) and once your mind and body realise that you will not give in you will notice a change in your thinking habits.

The result (for you) is a good, clean thinking mind which will help you to be the person you want to be.

Composure

Many people today were brought up in families where they are not taught how to control themselves. Many parents today haven’t taught their children manners. This can be a serious problem if you don’t know how to behave when in the company of people who obviously have been taught manners and how to behave around other people in such a way as to not look silly or act stupidly.

Composure is your answer. People in this situation need to learn to be composed, calm and to teach themselves how to control themselves. I remember being told of a woman who came from a poor family and she was asked out by a lawyer. They went out to dinner with his friends who were all distinguished in the town and were professional people with their wives or girlfriend’s. This poor woman tried to act composed and calm. But when the dinner arrived she saw the food that was being offered which was of a higher quality than she was used to. She couldn’t control herself and the thought of eating this luxurious food got the better of her, she dug into it with great enthusiasm all the while embarrassing herself and her date with her lack of control and manners. It goes without saying that he never took her out again for dinner.

When I am in a situation that calls for me to behave I tell myself in my mind to be composed. And then I work hard at being quiet and behaving. I try not to talk too much and to be polite and listen more than I talk. I try not to say anything that may embarrass myself or the people that I am with. To a person who was never taught how to act or react in dignified company this can be a hard thing to do but I am determined to behave for the benefit of all.

Just use the word “Composure” when the situation calls for it. And then concentrate on behaving. As time goes by the word composure will be an anchorism and you will react to the word instantly in a good positive manner.

So say the word “Composure” then straighten your back, take a deep slow breath, let it out easily and slowly relaxing as you do so. All through this keep your body composed. Once a person “feels” composed then that person can then “take stock” of a situation, think, and then act in a manner that suits the situation without making a fool of himself.

Deserted

Do you sometimes get anxious when someone leaves you or you tend to cling to people? This could be because at some time when you were younger somebody close to you left you, like your Mother or Father. If you came from a single family and one parent left while you were at home this would probably be where you got the feeling of being deserted from, but it could also come from a brother or sister that left. If that person left at a traumatic period of your life then you would more than likely feel it more and it could have depressed you. The feeling could also come from being told that a parent left you. If neither of your parents showed love to you then you may spend your life desperately trying to find love and when you think that you have found love, you cling to that person and do not let them go, even if they try to go and get away from your demanding love.

Many of the feelings we get when we are adults can come from our childhood when we were distressed. If you feel that you have a problem like this you need to try and find out where it came from (What triggered the feeling of being deserted) and once you have found the answer it is much easier to solve the problem.

You may also cling to people because you have seen, as a child, one of your parents clinging or trying to keep the other parent at home when he or she wanted to leave. Children witness many things that can have a lasting effect on their life, some good, some bad. These lasting effects can cause confusion when the child grows up. If you have these problems you may need to get professional help to try to figure out where the problem came from, but some people, if they are mature enough, can figure out the problem and then move on. When I say ‘mature’ I mean stable enough mentally to handle the problem themself.

Like many problems that we have, once the reason is found it can be understood and then pushed aside mentally. This may not be as hard as it might first appear to you to do. You may also need a concentrated effort to rid yourself of feeling deserted when someone leaves you, but it can be done. Consider this, if somebody has to leave you then (no matter how much it hurts) let them leave, it is their decision and you need to understand that each person has to make their own decisions through life. Try not to rush off and get somebody else to quickly replace the person who has moved out of your life, you don’t need to immediately fill the gap. Give yourself time to heal. Busy yourself and take up new activities. Adjust to your new situation first before filling any empty gap in your life.

Another way to look at this problem is to tell yourself that you were able to once live without this person and you can do it again. Try to respect all peoples decisions whether you like the decision or not. Consider it a test or a life challenge if you like. The world is full of people, billions of them, and you will meet many more people before your life runs out. This is your chance to meet them and enjoy new relationships, make new friends and fill your heart with the joys of human friendships. Go to places that have a positive atmosphere, where people are happy. Maybe you could get a new hobby or do something that you have always wanted to do – the point is to take your mind off the stress of somebody leaving.

Some people find that helping other people is a good way to put stress aside. The constant feeling of helping others can be good medicine when we are feeling down. Helping other people who need help can show you mentally that other people suffer and sometimes much worse than you, by helping them you can also feel worthy and useful. We all need to feel worthy and helping other people is a great way to let ourself know that we are worth something to somebody. There are many volunteer services in every town and city that are always needing people to offer help. Pick up the phone and give it a try, it may just be the medicine that you need.

Emotions

We all have to deal with emotions and we all have them. Emotions have been very elusive to scientific study simply because they cannot be measured or seen as something that consists of any actual substance. In many ways mankind is still guessing about why we have to deal with emotions. During our first five or six years of life we learn a great deal about emotions and how to recognise emotions and use them in the correct manner, this only happens as long as we are brought up in a family that has a good strong foundation of love and common sense and the parents are willing to talk to their children about situations that arise and about how to deal with life as the children grow up.

Many children are not taught correctly how to use their emotions due to bad parenting, selfish parents, parents who are bad role modal’s for their children, being put in child care and the care giver is only (really) interested in making money and giving the very basic needs to the child (after all the child is normally part of a group of children and the care giver cannot possibly be a Mother and Father to all of them when they need the emotions that only a parent can give, because those emotions are based on true parental love), brothers or sisters who confuse the small child with bad behavior patterns.

Do you feel that your emotions are ‘all mixed up’ and you have trouble using the right emotions at the correct time? Are you confused when you feel an emotion but you are not sure why, like crying for no reason, getting angry for no reason, feeling frustrated over tiny events that are really not worth being frustrated over or even big events that you have no control over?

If you answered yes to any of these questions then there is a good chance that you have a problem organising your emotions and were never really taught when to use the correct emotions at the right time. This may not be your parents fault as they may not have been taught how to use and control their own emotions.

I believe that emotions are much the same as the nerve system of our human bodies. Each emotion has a real reason for existing. If we as humans are brought up in unstable families or bad environments then there is a great chance that we have never had any good role modal’s to show us how we should react to real-life situations or how to use our emotions in the correct situations. In these situations we have people who have an Emotion Recognition Imbalance (ERI). In layman’s terms this means that we cannot recognise when to use our emotions so we just let them fly everywhere when it suits us or when we are confused and don’t know how to react to a situation.

Example: I used to work with a guy who once got into serious trouble (I was with him and in trouble as well) with the upper management of the company that we worked for. While he (we) were being lectured by the supervisor my friend giggled and laughed even though he was terrified that he would lose his job. Before this interview my friend boasted about how he would handle this situation and ensure that our jobs were not going to be lost and when the event came to being an actual reality my friend seemed to panic and go all goofy. I had to step in and talk our way out of the situation. All turned out for the best but I was left wondering about my friend and his ability to handle himself when the going got stressful.

Obviously my friend was suffering from ERI and had a serious problem using the right emotions at the right time. Later on I found out that he was brought up in a strict religious family and his parents didn’t talk to their children much about life and how to deal with life in general. If you believe that you may have an Emotion Recognition Imbalance (ERI) problem there is good news, you can learn to deal with it and get your emotions in order. It will take time but it can be done. What you need to do is learn to recognise when you are using the wrong emotions and then learn to use the right emotions for any given situation.

Sometimes we can actually believe that a misused emotion can make us feel better. If you use anger instead of sorrow when something goes wrong then you need to deal with why you are getting angry. Some people could have this problem because they observed a parent or an adult while they were growing up who reacted this way to sorrow or other situations. Anger is one of the most misused emotions these days. People seem to get angry for all sorts of reasons.

Example: If somebody crashes into your car with their car when you are out driving then you need to understand the situation correctly before you instantly react. More often than not this is simply an accident, a mistake by somebody. A mistake you could also have made yourself. To react in anger will not take away the dent on your car or repair your car. You will obviously be inconvenienced by this event, maybe even hurt. But it is still an accident. If the person who hits your car is truly sorry and you react with anger towards that person you are only making the situation worse. Common sense and good emotional control will help in all stressful situations. Even a situation such as in this example.

It appears when looked at closely that we humans have an Emotional Control Center (ECC) which is where all our emotions are controlled from. This could be compared with our nerve center. Because this Emotional Control Center is within the realms of our brains, our consciousness and subconsciousness, it is harder for us to see and define our emotional habits and emotional problems. But even if it is difficult, it is not impossible. This Emotional Control Center is where all our Emotion Recognition Imbalance (ERI) problems come from. But it also appears that our Emotional Control Center is of a basic form when we are born and it grows with our lives. The Emotional Control Center has our basic emotions held within it at birth. Some emotions will grow stronger than others depending on our early years and the way we are brought up by our parents or guardians. This being the case it then stands to reason that we can retrain our Emotional Center to deal with situations better after we have reached teenagehood or when we are adults.

Just knowing that we have an Emotional Control Center and that Emotion Recognition Imbalance (ERI) exists helps us to understand some of the emotional problems that exist in our lives. With practise you will be able to gain control of your Emotional Control Center and ERI will not exist in your emotional makeup.

All our emotions have a reason for being within us and if we choose wisely we can use those emotions when we need them. What is happening today is that children are being brought up in unstable homes with parents who have ERI and they do not make good examples or role modal’s for the children they are taking care of. An example of how a child is affected by all this is for you to imagine that the Emotional Control Center was a big bowl with all its contents (emotions) in the right order and then all the contents are mixed up with a big wooden spoon causing all the child’s emotions to be used in the wrong situations. Instead of scrabbled eggs we have scrambled emotions when the mixing (or childhood turmoil) is finished. This is why children need stable homes to become strong, mentally stable adults.

Children’s Emotions:
In the past children had many children’s books that were based on children and how they reacted in different situations. Many of these books also helped guide young children by showing them how they could react to feelings and situations while the storybook children grew up. These books were a blessing to parents because they helped parents to teach their children right from wrong and what are acceptable behaviour patterns in society. Children often read about how to behave around parents and what to do in a dangerous situation because the characters in the children’s stories were often getting into difficult situations. These books also helped children to learn about their own personal emotions because they would read about other children in the storybooks who had to use their emotions during the events of the story.

Today many of our stores have books (and movies) about characters that our children cannot relate to, either physically or mentally. Many of these characters are animals that talk and in some ways act like people. But many new children’s books and television shows are now devoted to aliens or things that walk and talk and behave in an unhuman manner and are seen as funny to children and adults. Children cannot really relate to these characters and they see them as just that – ‘characters’, or something that is entertaining to watch but very confusing mentally.

Fasting

Psalms 35:13
But as for me, when they were sick, my clothing was sackcloth:
I humbled my soul with fasting; and my prayer returned into mine own bosom.

People have been fasting for many centuries. Historically the Bible tells of many people fasting including Moses and Jesus Christ. In these modern times fasting has faded away as people find ways to keep themselves healthy and the thought of fasting can seem a crazy thing to do. But there are many good reasons to fast that you can benefit from and still stay very healthy, in fact you can be healthier if you do fast. Contrary to popular belief, a person can go without solid food for long periods of time without harming the human body.

It is not recommended that you attempt fasting if you have health problems. Ask your doctor if you are healthy enough to fast.

The first advantage that will come to many peoples mind is loss of weight. Obviously you will loose weight by fasting and if it is done correctly you will also cleanse your body of toxins that build up in your body over time. Those are two very good benefits from fasting. Religious people state that you become more spiritual and your connection with God becomes much stronger when you fast. Praying and fasting are done together so that prayer helps keep you on track instead of you only struggling with your willpower.

Another advantage of fasting is a growth in willpower, you become stronger mentally because you are able to control your desires for food when fasting. To be able to turn away from food when your body is demanding what it is used to, takes lots of willpower (especially the first time you fast). I highly recommend that you pray all through your fasting experience asking God for guidance and the strength to get through it all and remain healthy and wiser for the effort.

The food that you turn down while fasting is the food that is processed by supermarkets, fast food stores and other known food outlets which deal with mass produced food products. You can replace or replenish your body with distilled water and natural fruit (Blended) or vegetable juices while fasting, therefore keeping your body nourished with vitamins and nutrients. So when fasting is viewed in this manner you can see the good it will do your body and increase your inner strength and personal willpower.

Consider this, somebody appears at your home with a cake or some delicacy that you have not tasted in two years while you are fasting. You need to realise that saying “no” to whatever is being offered will not kill you. In fact saying “No” will boost your inner belief in yourself because you said “no”.

Today people are so used to getting what they want and they don’t have to ever go without anything except for those who are very poor. Even in my life when I have been desperate I have partaken in food that I shouldn’t have or said “yes” to things that were bad for me or not good for other people. Fasting helps you overcome your weaknesses, and shows you that with Gods help and your own willpower you can overcome your bodies demands. You want to be in control of your body, you don’t want your body in control of you.

Abstaining from something is so much easier once you have fasted because you know your limits and having refused your body food for a period of time you tend to feel much stronger at saying “no” to temptations.

After fasting the first few times you will be amazed that you could complete this exercise.

During the first three days you may want to go for a walk at dinnertime so you don’t have to smell or see the food cooking at home. Ask your family for support during this important period of time as the first three days can be the hardest of the fast. While walking consider praying for Gods Guidance and love. To help keep your mind off solid food consider telling God what you are doing and why you are doing it. God understands and will be only too pleased to help guide you during this sacrifice. Some people suggest that you can go to a room and pray when other members of your family are eating.

If you are fasting with a friend then you can both support each other and go for walks together, pray together. It is also nice to have somebody sharing the same feelings as you, you can both talk about your efforts and congratulate each other as each day passes. When you have both finished fasting you can celebrate together, pray together and give thanks, and pat each other on the back.

After you have finished fasting you will need to get back to eating slowly and carefully. If you start shoving food into your body you run a very high risk of putting your body into shock and in some cases you could even kill yourself. Please keep in mind that your stomach has shrunk a lot during the fast, and it cannot handle large amounts of food immediately. My advice is for you to go to a good bookstore or go to your local library and get some books on fasting. Here is a web site that has lots of information about fasting and it has some good tips to help get you going, what you can drink during a fast and how to carefully go off a fasting period. http://www.billbright.com/howtofast/index.html

The difference between fasting and dieting is that they are done for totally different reasons. Dieting is attempted by people to lose weight. The reasons for dieting are often for vanity or trying to lose weight when one is overweight from lack of exercise. I have seen many people attempt to lose weight by dieting and not many succeeded. And many of those that did succeed regained the weight that they had lost after they went back to eating normally again because they spent the entire time dieting and wanting to eat, in other words they didn’t gain self control. With dieting there are also no spiritual beliefs or growth of inner strength, in fact dieters seem to struggle more with willpower and when they lose the fight they believe in themselves a lot less after the experience. This puts them off dieting in the future and they decide to live with their overweight bodies for the time being.

With this example below I had my last meal on a Wednesday at 7:00 pm so Day One is a Thursday. Each fasting day starts at 7:00 pm each night.

Day One:
There will obviously be a strong urge to participate in a meal on the first day simply because you are used to eating. If this is the first time that you have ever gone without solid foods in your adult life you may struggle to complete day one. But by the time Day One is over you will feel proud that you have accomplished this feat of inner strength.

Day Two:
I find that the want-to-eat is not so strong on the second morning. I still look at food and have the urge to eat something but by this time I know that I want to prove something to myself and to God. I want to prove that I can say no to solid food for a few days or even a few weeks. I went for a long slow walk through our local park, walking around the manmade lake and stopping and relaxing while praying for Gods Guidance and strength to help me complete the challenge that I have given myself.

Hunger pains are a bit stronger at nighttime and you may need to find something to do to stop you thinking of food or your stomach. A supportive family or fasting friend can be helpful here. And remember what you are trying to achieve. Pray often if you feel that you need to. If you cannot sleep then read a book until the hunger pains disappear and sleep takes over.

Day Three:

I watched a video tonight devoted to the life of the writer C S Lewis. While watching the video I felt like getting up a few times and walking to the kitchen nearby and making a snack to eat, which I know is just habit when I feel hungry. I put off the urge and continued to watch the video.

By bedtime my interest in food has grown but my stubbornness will not let me down as I want to succeed. So I sit in my computer chair typing while sipping some cold blended fruit juice and telling myself that after the third day is over it gets easier, not harder.

The fruit juice is some small pieces of mixed fruit blended with a lot of apple juice and some spirulina. It is very nice to drink and keeps a cool fruity taste in my mouth and has many vitamins as well. Just because you are fasting does not mean that you cannot drink water and get your vitamins, which your body needs to keep you healthy and to keep your energy up.

11:00 Saturday and the want to eat is much stronger. I have read that the third day of fasting is the hardest. After the third day the stomach sort of shuts down its want for solid foods. It really comes down to why you are fasting and what you are trying to achieve when you are at your hungriest moments. Pray to God and ask to be reminded at all times why you are fasting, and read a book or go for a walk if you are finding that you are weakening. Watching television may not be a good idea because of the many advertisements offering food, also you may watch a television program and the actors may sit down and eat a big hearty meal.

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Once you are past this third day you can then make the choice of continuing the fast or going back to food. This is entirely up to you and whether you believe that you have achieved what it was that you wanted to achieve. You can do a three day fast one week and then do another the next week and then eat normally until you decide to fast again. Some people prefer a 7 day fast, some the big forty day fast. It is entirely up to you.

Some people during the fast may get the urge to bite something. This is natural because it is natural to bite and chew when we eat. You have bitten and chewed food all your life so you can expect a few problems here, but just because you may feel like chewing or biting its no reason to give up the fast.

You biggest enemy is to give in. If you do this then you will believe (even if you try not to admit it) that you have failed and some people will even believe that they are a failure. You must last to the day that you have specified as your last day of the fast, once that has been achieved then you will feel that you have taken control of your mind and body and truly won the battle.

I have witnessed many people when they try to diet and when they give in, it is a sad sight. You can see that they are heavily disappointed with themselves and their (apparent) lack of will power. That’s why when we fast, praying and conviction play a large part in your strength to succeed. You must not give in as the let-down that you will feel will be much worse than lasting the distance with the fast.

If you are new to fasting consider getting to know somebody who has already fasted and ask them questions about anything that bothers you. Be positive and aware that fasting is not easy and also keep in mind that people have been fasting for thousands of years. Fasting is a tried and true method of learning self control. If you believe that you have a weakness then fasting will surely teach you how to learn to control yourself and give you a very strong belief in yourself because you won the battle.

Other web sites of interest:

http://www.freedomyou.com/

A problem that we humans have is that when we eat we like to feel topped up, which means that we think that we are not satisfied until our stomachs are full of food, only then do we feel comfortable and we can know sit down and watch our favourite television program with our cup of hot coffee.

Friends

Friends – what are they? They are special people who will give us their time when we need them. You can put your friends in two categories:

Genuine Friends
Casual Friends

Genuine friends are the real treasures of the Earth, they are more important than all the gold in the world – if you doubt that try getting gold to dig you out of a hole, give you a hug, or a kiss for good luck.

Casual friends are those people who are important in your life and will help you out sometimes if they are available, whereas genuine friends will find a way to help you.

I am amazed at all the people that I have met who have no idea of the difference between these two types of friends. They put their casual friends in the genuine friends category and will go to great lengths for them, even though they could never really expect the same dedication to be bestowed on them. Casual friends flit in and out of your life like a butterfly, they have a partial interest in you and your family

Genuine friends are hard to come by and that may explain why many people don’t recognise them so easily. Genuine friends will call you to see how you are, they don’t say hurtful things to you or about your other friends. Why don’t you take an inventory of the friends that you currently have and see if you can find one or some that you could call genuine friends?

Etiquette

Many people in this day and age don’t know ‘the rules’ for events like marriages, if you feel that this is you then I will suggest you read some books on Etiquette. Here are some examples:

Etiquette For Every Occasion – A Guide To Good Manners, by Angela Lansbury.
ISBN 0 7134 4701 X

Here is a short list of some of the subject matter:
Engagements.
Weddings.
Parties.
Grand Hotels.
Unexpected Guests.
Births.
Restaurants.
Dating.
Dinner Parties.

To find more books on this subject check your local library.

Dealing With Shyness

What often seems to be one of the hardest things to conquer is personal shyness. The main reason for this is the complex nature of the shyness problem. There are a few theories about why some people are shy. One suggestion is that a few children are born shy. Another is that a child can become shy from an event during childhood. I have read that a child can have a traumatic event when they are in their developing years which in turn causes the child to subconsciously protect itself in the form of shyness. Being shy will keep the child indoors and away from people. From what I have seen in life I would assume this would be true.

Rachel Sandbrook wrote it this way:

When you are shy, it’s like having a glass wall in front of you, you see the pleasure you could give a person if you say something to them, the pleasure you could give a whole crowd from an enthusiastic speech by you, but you can’t reach it because a glass wall of fear is in front of you. In other words, you can see that others do it, you can see that it would do no harm, but because you have a glass wall of fear, you can see it but you’re too scared to do it. If you learn to overcome your fear, you may do it bit by bit, cracking the glass and putting a hole in it. If you keep it up, finally the final effort to bust the glass of fear will bash on the glass and bring the whole wall crashing down, showing a whole new lovely world of pleasure and happiness because you have finally overcome your fear and put your bit into the world to make it a little bit better. But if you chicken out half way, the hole close’s up again and you are back at the beginning, lonely, angry and aggravated that no one else will help you bust down the wall, and it just keeps on closing up again.
If someone is trying to help you, then they would be on the other side trying to bust it down too, when they finally break through, and so do you, you fall into each others arms in the pure pleasure and happiness that you have both together got through the big glass wall of fear!

How to deal with shyness. I still have shyness problems even though I am 41 years old but I have learnt to deal with it in many ways. I was very shy as a child as far as I can remember. I suggest you carefully look at situations where you ‘wish’ that you would speak or do something, but shyness won the day and you walked away feeling frustrated with yourself, defeated and wishing that you were different.

Find those moments and slowly and carefully, after fully looking at the situation, do what it is that you feel too shy to do, but do it in increments – do it in small stable steps that you have control over. You have put up with shyness this long so there is no rush. If you jump straight in and make a mistake you may feel ‘put off’ for many months before you will try again or maybe even years.

You could meditate or go through a relaxing technique or try the breathing and walking system that I mentioned in another chapter before you attempt anything out of the ordinary.

Lets look at an example. You want to speak out when you are in school or in a crowd. Wait until you know what to say without any doubts and then say it. But make it a short sentence that does not require a reply, wait and see what the reaction is. If all is well you can try again to help build up your confidence or try another day, as I said there is no rush. After you have done this a few times ask longer questions. People will start to expect your comments so be ready for people to ask questions and direct them at you. Expect the odd mishap on your behalf, in fact watch other people make mistakes or embarrassing mistakes and see how they deal with the situation. You will be amazed at how some people shrug off embarrassment so easily. Practise talking to people at home when you are by yourself or with a friend who understands your problem and wants to help you.

As you get better at this comment making and your confidence is feeling good start to ask questions, and when you get a reply either thank the person or reply to the answer so that the conversation continues to some extent.

When you are trying to remove your shyness make attempts to improve your confidence in every way that you can. Never use drugs or alcohol to try to submit shyness, I have seen the results of this method and it is not good. Many years ago I knew a teenager who was very shy. He used drugs and alcohol to beat his shyness and became outgoing at parties, finally the drugs caught up with him and he died. Don’t let this mistake happen to you.

Pray and ask God for Gods Guidance. Talk to God and explain your problem and why you want help. Be honest. Let your heart go verbally, trust God with all your might, be patient and things will slowly but surely work out.

The Moral System – Can It Help Us?

And the moral to this story is…

Ever read those famous words? If you are a teenager you may never have seen the previous sentence before. The moral text that was once common in schools and story books has basically been removed for various reasons, and yet many (or most) people complain of the lack of morals in society. Should we have morals in schools and books or not?

If a moral describes right from wrong then it can be assumed that reading morals is good for our children. Morals would be steps that a child needs to guide them through the young years.

Many statements and comments are misinterpreted by mankind and this is where the moralistic teachings can benefit humans as a guideline as to what is best for society, the family unit, and for the world. It is my belief that if children would be guided by good, common sense morals we would have a much safer world to live in. Moral teaching could be a good guideline for our young to learn from, many families these days don’t appear to have the same amount of time with their children as was done in the past. A good example of this is when both parents are working, compare this with a few decades ago when one parent was always at home with the children to offer advice and steer the children towards a healthy lifestyle. Single parent families would suffer in the same way, to expect one parent to cope in the way two parents would is, in most cases, asking too much.

Having ideals or morals instilled into your life helps you know what is right or wrong and also shows you the right way to live so that you will have less stress and more hope for the future. Common sense and reason are two words that we all hope we have as part of our thinking power. Morals are very much like a teaching system that leads us and gives us good guidelines to follow during our lives. Our children would also learn from our moral system that we have in our own lives.

The morals system was very prominent in many peoples lives at a time when crime was low, unwanted pregnancies were low, and many other undesirable things had low statistics, much, much lower than what is known today. The moral system was a tried and tested system which has been steadily fazed out of our lives. The amazing thing is that it worked, and it worked well.

Today the moral system is what we need back in society to help guide our children onto better, more productive lives. You and I need this system as well. One thing that I am sure of, it won’t hurt us. It won’t take anything from us, in fact it will help add more to our lives, things like:

Pride
Honesty
Integrity
Less divorces

What is the moral system?
It was a system where schools based many of the children’s studies around morals and the teacher explained what the moral was to the story to the children. Maybe the teacher would ask the children for the moral to the story or lesson was. School and children’s books had morals blended into them so that the children had good solid tried and true guidelines mixed with good stories of adventure and fun.

I am sure you can see the advantage to this system. Your children would get a solid understanding of what is good for them to do and what is not, also they will learn what the reaction is when they do something wrong. They learn that crime does not pay and being kind and nice is still the best way to make good friends. You as a parent will appreciate the difference between a good child and a naughty one. Morals will help your child to pursue a positive course in life.

If your school doesn’t have the moral system in place you can always use it yourself to help teach your children. I am forever amazed when the world schooling systems remove methods that worked for new-fangled methods that do not work, in other words “Don’t fix what is not broken!”. Lets you and I learn from the past and use this old tried and true system in our families and ask at your local school if they use it, if not consider suggesting it because it works.

Say the teacher in school reads a story to the class about Thomas Edison’s attempts to create a workable light bulb and of course the story ends with his success. The moral to the story could be “If you don’t give up then you will finally succeed.” And when a child in that class is older and trying get a job done they may recall that story and remember the moral and this would inspire the person to succeed.

Stepping Out

A lot of people who have had troubled childhoods protect themselves as adults by keeping themselves in a protective shell. This shell could consist of their home, a few friends places and where they work. Some people may have other reasons for keeping themself hid away due to some traumatic experience that they have suffered during their life. Whatever the reason it is not good to let past experiences limit a person from enjoying peoples company and what life has to offer.

An easy way to find out whether you are one of these people is to answer a few basic questions:
Are you shy?
Do you avoid crowds?
Do you prefer to stay at home rather than go out?
Do you try to avoid going to new places?
When people ask you to do something different, do you always say no?

If you answered yes to the above questions then you may have accidentally locked yourself in your protective shell and kept yourself there. There are a few suggestions that I can make that could help you. You could join a public club that interests you. You could join an organisation that deals with public speaking or take part in a course with a well known motivator. A Dale Carnegie course could help in this situation.

If a traumatic event has happened to you in the past it will take great courage on your behalf to get you out into the world again. Part of the problem is that you need to believe in yourself and you need to believe in the world and what it has to offer you. But always keep in mind that you have something to offer the world and we will never know about it if you do not step out of your shell and let us know that you exist.

You could also consider saying “yes” when somebody comes along and asks you to do something that you normally wouldn’t have done. By saying “yes” instead of the normal “no” then you are taking a chance and trying something new. Start off light and easy first, say ‘yes’ to something that doesn’t make you very uncomfortable, then work your way up to more daring options such as speaking in front of an audience or taking charge of a group of people.

One of the reasons people don’t want to break out of their shell is because they are afraid of something, some people may not even know what they are afraid of, they just have a negative reaction to (or a negative feeling towards) making the change. This could be due to a past event being hidden from them by their subconscious mind. To some people breaking out of their shell and stepping out to something unknown can be very scary so time and patience are called for in these cases, plus a positive attitude towards success. Prayer and Gods Guidance can be very useful in situations such as these, please don’t hesitate to call to God for help. It is one of the reasons that God is there, to help you if you want help.

Always remember when dealing with yourself or anyone else that everyone moves at their own pace. All people are separate souls and each has their own comfortable learning pace.

Trust Yourself And Your Instinct

All through our lives we are treated in many different ways, some good, some bad. These experiences and peoples comments can cause us to lose some respect of ourselves. As we lose respect we also start to believe things that other people say about us, or if we make a few mistakes (in a row), then we don’t trust our own judgement and we don’t follow our natural instinct.

We all have a natural instinct that is very helpful during our lives. Many people, over time, lose the ability to listen to their own instinct – the same instinct which in the past has helped them on many an occasion. As we grow older from childhood our natural instinct grows stronger with every year, this is because we add many new experiences and lessons into our memory banks, and our instinct works with these in mind.

Many people have learned to follow “gut feelings” which help guide them to success in whatever their field of work is in, but many people don’t even understand that they have any natural instinct at all. You cannot learn to use a tool if you don’t know that it exists. As far as I know schools do not teach anything about instinct except for when they study the animal world and students are told that animals have instinct.

What you need to do here is acknowledge that you have a natural instinct and that you had it when you were born. The next thing for you to do is to learn how to use it. Your natural instinct is a tool that can be accessed when you need it, it will help you on many occasions. It is a feeling, a good or bad feeling. An example of how it is a feeling is when a person goes to walk around a corner at night and they get that funny feeling, or a feeling of dread, and they feel that is would be a mistake to go around the corner because something will obviously go wrong…and yet this person cannot see around the corner. Some people say that they feel a pressure on their stomachs that gives them the famous Gut Feeling, and when they get this feeling they know whether to do something or not.

Different people experience different ways in which they feel instinct, many just know that something is right or wrong, will or will not happen. When a person learns to trust these instincts then they will find that they have a useful tool that was provided for them to help them.