26-4-2022

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There was a person that didn’t like me much in the past, and the last time that we had seen each other, and maybe a year or so before that, we had not got on much when we did bump into each other. So there was some bad feelings there from both sides. Both felt innocent, both felt ill treated by the other, but one was actually wrong and didn’t realize it because other influences had caused this division between us in the first place.

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The lesson was that we had an opportunity to be friends again. I really, really wanted to try. I am one of those people who keeps trying. One of my daughters often complained to me that I gave other people far too many chances because she said that they would just take advantage of me over and over again. But for me, I wanted them to get every chance possible to see me as I really am and not as others had showed me to be to them. Or if I had done wrong then I wanted that person to know that I was ever sorry and that one mistake was not my real character. Or if they had done me wrong, over and over again that they would understand that there is a forgiveness that is continuous, and hopefully they would treat me better, but if they didn’t then at least they would know that in the end people can’t put up with that kind of treatment forever and they would finally move on.

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People who give other people many chances are not suckers if they do it because of love and they suffer in the process. They are giving the other people chances over and over again, hoping and waiting for that other person to understand. But in the end, when it is over, it is over.

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Back to the lesson. Well we got together and it all went wrong, very wrong. bad feelings rose up, some bitterness, some anger, some regrets etc. None of it was supposed to happen in my mind. The whole situation took a negative mind of its own and left us both afterwards wondering what had happened. It looked hopeless.

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Now here is the point. From that point onwards everything went right.

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The problem was, was that one of us had to get off their pedestal and come down to earth and let their true feelings out.

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For some people this can be a very hard thing to do. And with them when they come to apologize they end up attacking instead. They just struggle with admitting that they have made someone else’s life so hard, and in some cases for so long, so bitterness with themselves and shame causes a defense system to rise and instead of the humble apology they intended, an attack was the end result – guilt and pride sometimes makes people want to transfer their own blame to the person that they have hurt.

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What happened with me and my friend is that we became closer after this. We forgave one another and have had a great time re-establishing the friendship. But we had to get passed that first struggle to get right with our mixed up emotions and old bitterness and bad feelings.

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If you need to get right with someone, please don’t let old feelings ruin your chances of it all working out. if you have to apologize get right with yourself first. Let you know who was wrong, and let you know what you really did, and refuse to let anger or bitterness rise. But if they do rise, please give it another go. Please don’t let one argument kill it.

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Relationships should be not given up over foolish pride.

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And a forgiver should put aside bitterness and anger and welcome a genuine repenting apology, and be willing to start a new relationship from there on.

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All the best from

James M Sandbrook.

April 26, 2015 at 9:32am.