Accepting that it Happened!

Accepting What Trauma/Abuses Happened for what it is, is the start of healing.

Often said of people who have addictions and such is that, “You cannot heal until you recognise that you are addicted to alcohol or drugs, sex or whatever.”

Emotional Harming Innocent People:

People who deny the truth and refuse to see it for what it really was will suffer in many ways mentally, emotionally (unbalanced emotions) and will slash and cut other people in many ways.
This is because they are inside Unhealed/Undeveloped/Unbalanced/Suffering and will therefore react to people, events, and their own family as a lashing out for frustrations and angers they have no idea why they have them.

People who are not healed are not complete, they stopped growing inside in many areas and as an adult struggle to cope, this causes frustration, as the person is trying to figure out why they don’t have their act together, why they are always making mistakes, and why can’t the world just do as they want it to do to make their lives easier, and that frustration and anger becomes yelling at spouse, children, friends, family, work mates and so on, and that is what we call emotional cutting, maiming, slashing and stunting the growth of their own children.

The addictions, abuse, and the like are a darkness within that must be faced, accepted, then removed, otherwise it spreads like a virus from person to person causing yet more darkness in others who had nothing to do with the original abuse.
While the abused and/or addicted refuse to face the truth of the past or that they have an addiction, they cannot help their children become complete if they cannot do it for themselves. We cannot teach what we are not, because we have no experience. So those with no courage cannot teach their young courage, inner-strength, how to cope, be capable and to live life to the fullest.

Denial:

Denial is this defence that we have that stops us from facing the truth.
It can be useful in delaying the impact of something that happened to you in the past, something that you are not ready to face yet.
Denial can be an enemy of healing, especially when it involves events and people who you do not want to accept as having been harmful in your past so much so that their influence changed your life for the worst.

Susan Forward mentions this with a woman patient going through therapy class’ who is starting to remember her mother sexually abusing her when she was young and of her mother participating in oral sex with her.
No doubt the mother would fiercely deny it happened, and other family members would deny it ever happened, and even friends (what goes on behind closed doors they don’t know of so they judge the mother by her outward appearance and not her true behind the door character).
The daughter, fearing the truth, fearing the thought that her mother and her shared a lesbian relationship, also the daughter fearing what friends will say and being outcast from the family goes into deep fast denial, strongly and powerfully telling herself that it never happened and quickly (in fear of the truth becoming more clear in her mind) she denies it ever happened to Susan Forward and leaves therapy.

Denial stops us facing the truth and therefore prolongs the suffering and keeps the dark secret hidden and the perpetrator is in a position to keep practicing their evil deeds.

Being in denial does not help you heal, it prolongs the suffering, keeps you in mental illness, anxiety, fears and depression, and only accepting the truth of what really happened can start the healing process.

Fighting what happened is pointless. We could assume that for many cases there must be some anger, some frustration, some desire for revenge even, but none of these feelings can be known until we accept what really happened.
As long as we are submissive to the drugs, the alcohol, the abusers, we are in their power, under their control, and even like the alcoholic who defends alcohol and their using it, the abused person can defend their own captor, the one/s who are and did abuse them.

When the feeling comes up in your mind that your mother, father, siblings, or an uncle, aunty… did you harm, go long with that feeling accept it (don’t reject it), because your mind is telling you that you are ready to accept the truth now, its time to accept what happened and to deal with it.

There are people who go along with the principle of not reopening the wounds of the past. They seem to think that this will open the wound and cause the healing process to be hindered and start all over again.

The reality is that if you are, today, suffering PTSD, anxieties, depression and so forth, well none of this happens in a normal childhood, so if you are an adult still suffering the effects of those childhood issues then there is an infection in the wound and that is why it keeps torturing your mind, soul, life and so on.

The wounds need to be reopened, faced, accepted, and from there you will know what to do that will heal you. This is the cleansing process.

There was a person who was sexually abused a child, suffered PTSD as an adult. Therapist told this person to forget the past and work on now and the future, and for years unnecessary suffering followed, until finally this person faced the fact, accepted what happened, and the healing came when this person went to the Police and started an investigation. This person claims were that their misery within-mentally was that they had not done the good decent honourable thing and made their abusers face justice so a lot of the suffering was guilt deep within the Soul, and their Soul was deliberately haunting them with the mental suffering until the person faced the truth and  justice was done. Once that happened the person felt all the ghost feelings of the past drift away because the truth was set free, those who did wrong were punished for their crimes and those who were traumatized and suffered were also set free as well, knowing that finally justice was done, and in all their minds the abuse was finally put to rest.

Whatever we want to change we must accept first. We Must Accept Who We Are In Order to Change.

We need to face where we are in our mind, because we live in our mind, and we need to accept where we are and why we are in the mental condition we are in at this present moment.

Please always be aware, that whatever mental state you are in today can change, our minds can heal, but they need to face that something is wrong first, that we need to be healed, face why we need to be healed by facing what really happened in the past, and then we will know what to do from there.

If you are doing everything right and are starting to change, people around you will start to notice. Don’t pay attention to what they say because when you start changing people can’t label you anymore. – Young W Lee.

We reject what hurts us, we reject it as if it were a thorn in our side, and we reach to pluck it out, and so we feel like “Denial” is our protector, our savior, our peace and sanctuary, when in reality denial is keeping the person locked in suffering and mental struggles.

We need to accept the tears, that people hurt and used us, and we need to accept the way that we behaved, or if we were fooled, and be humble enough to accept our part in what happened.
Can you imagine the suffering of a young child sexually abused, taught to like it, then that child brings home other children to be sexually abused, then as an adult is so horrified of their part in what happened that they fear people knowing.
The thing to understand is that you are not guilty for what you did as a child under the coercion and guidance of an adult, and mainly because your mind was not up to or capable of knowing what was happening. Your mind was not capable of adult logic, adult common sense, adult thinking, and any child is easy bait for a seducer with evil thoughts, even our own parents.
You cannot be guilty for enjoying sex, you were designed by God to enjoy sex, it is a natural reaction to manipulation of the body, and your mind was not as a child or teenager, or even young adult, of pulling apart the lies and seduction to see the rights and wrongs of what happened, and because of this you cannot possibly be able to discern what you were doing was wrong when all you felt that you were doing was making other people enjoy what you were enjoying.
A child cannot and is not a predator, but the adult manipulating the child is.

Accept how you are feeling right now and accept that there is a reason that was completely out of your control that is causing you to feel the way that you are feeling today, such as emotional feelings frustrations, anxieties and so on.
Accept that whatever happened to you when you were a child changed you without your knowing and it changed your life-path finally bringing you to the mental struggles that you have today.

Your mind cannot accept that you need to change unless your mind fully accepts the past, the results of the past, the people who did it, and your current situation in life and how you are feeling right now.

Denial is a fence between you and healing.

A note about those who were abused as children.
You were born a certain character, but when the abuser got you they changed your character to a character they wanted you to become so that they could continue the abuse and also to have you in their web so that they could protect themselves in case you one day discovered that you were doing something wrong.

The character you became was not the character who you were born to be, it is the character the abuser/s formed your mind into being, that is why they are called manipulators, they take your mind like clay in the hand and form any shape they desire out of your mind until they get you fully accepting and doing what they want you to do so that you can be who they want to be, whatever satisfies them.

In the case of Gaslighting and you feel helpless, hopeless, unable to cope and always doubting yourself, this is the state of mind that the manipulator has put you in – this is a mental state that they formed your mind into being so that you will never try to get free, and so that you will always be captive to their abuse and be their submissive ever-suffering victim. The more submissive and cowardly you are them more they remain in control of you.

All the best from
James M Sandbrook.
24th of December, 2021.