We all get tired of situations that drag on for what seems forever. They are tiring, boring and it seems very unfruitful, and yet they still drag on. It is hard to stay motivated or happy in such situations. It is easy to fall to despair and misery and depression when life seems so fruitless and tiring.

 

One day I lost my temper as a teenager and in great confusion I cried about it. I was trying to understand why a guy who thought that he was a nice guy was doing destructive (and obviously self-destructive) things. I was lost, confused, thought myself very stupid, and I wanted what seemed to be there but I couldn’t grasp and that is “happiness” (a family, children and love) and a “reason to be alive”.

Some people that I loved had ignored me, or had treated me bad, and so I reacted back in the same manner thinking that this was what we did. But it only gave me guilt and a sad feeling of failure and unhappiness. There was no feeling of true triumph. I remember hitting a guy, who really was pushing his luck and deserved to be hit, but all I felt afterwards was a feeling of defeat (even though I physically won).

As the years went on at periods of time I still lost my temper. It was confusing. I did so many fun happy things, I saw myself have lots of innocent fun, but also other people judged me on a moment once a year if I lost my temper in public.

We are not perfect, we make mistakes, we do foolish things, and we stumble too often. But people didn’t say, “Oh James is just letting off steam.” at least not all of them, some would say, “look at that bad tempered man!” and then scowl in town everytime that they saw me.

 

Years later I was with a person that I loved who was tormenting me mentally, and over and over again she would taunt me and not let up, until finally I lost my temper and hit a door.
I got bits of wood stuck in my hand and it was bleeding – I felt devastated by what I did, saddened, and once again very defeated – it seemed that nothing that I ever did came to any good.

Sometimes good people are driven to doing bad things for just a moment of time.
But because of peoples attitudes, judgments and arrogance etc they will take that small moment in time and label that person with it forever.

In the case above I was very close to suicide. I hated my life and relationship, and wanted to simply end it all. All my previous relationships had been just as miserable, and what I didn’t know at that time was that I was taking negative baggage from the past into new relationships. I felt that my complete failure of a life had come to this point to prove that I was defeated, worthless and useless. I didn’t want to carry on.

 

In desperation I went to a friends home for a coffee and friendship (maybe encouragement). He and his wife were there and it was obvious to them that something was wrong even though I tried to fake it and pretend that all was well. When my friends wife was in the kitchen he asked me what was wrong. I told him (feeling very ashamed) that I punched a hole in a door. He didn’t even blink before saying, “So what did she do or say to make you do that?” And his wife walked in and agreed. They didn’t judge me, they were not condemning me, and they understood that I had finally come to the point of a sudden moment of anger.

What I did was wrong.

Violence is not an answer to a situation.

But good people can become so frustrated, tired of being pushed and maybe not getting enough sleep etc, and then finally explode in anger. Even the Bible talks about God finally losing patience with people.

 

It is very hard to believe that we are a good, worthy person if we judge ourselves harshly on moments when we made a big mistake. People choose to do something at a moment and time and then they must live with the results. Sometimes we just get so tired of trying for the same target over and over again and always coming up with no results. Or being picked on by others over and over again, and then finally we lash out because the whole thing has accumulated in our own mind and we have to let it out or we will explode with the anguish of so much suffering and emotional pain that has built up over a long period of time.

 

We can become very frustrated and angry with someone who is supposed to help us or come into our life but won’t. We in the end through frustration turn a friend into an enemy, we just get sick and tired of waiting, and then we move on.

The Bible, and motivators, and good people always say to be patient and to try again. But please, if you lose your temper don’t hate yourself. And do try to be patient. Do try to be happy even if others are trying to being misery into your life. Move on if you need to.

A note for women, please don’t get so overconfident that you feel that it is your divine right to pick at, pick on, demolish, or put down your husband. Nagging will not bring in a good result. Be patient, and men please be patient with your wives.

Please communicate in some positive way to solve problems.

Solving problems and communicating is not about egos, or who is right and wrong, it is about getting on and solving the problems. Please leave your opinions and ego elsewhere when communicating with people, then the results will be far more positive.

 

All the best from

James M Sandbrook.
First Published – 14th of September, 2014.