Child-adults of narcissists often don’t recognise that their parent/s are toxic and their relationship with their parents is unbalanced and unnatural, after all, this way of life is all that they have ever known.
As an adult they may always be seeking the approval of their parents, and also in the workplace extending that to seeking the approval of workmates who have the same character type (narcissist) as their parents.
This leads to the workmates, manager, boss etc, controlling the child-adult as well – the narcissists know what buttons to press to manipulate the child-adult, especially if they are friends with the narcissist parents.
To the child-adult this may all seem natural.
A clue to parents being narcissistic is the adult-child feeling the same desire to please the people at work as they feel the desire to please their parents, and get approval from both, etc.
Another clue can be how they feel when told off at work. They may feel the same feelings of rejection and fears as they do with their parents.
It is well known that children of narcissists can pair up romantically with a narcissist because children victims of narcissists can have coping issues, so they seek (unconsciously) people who can look after them and do for them what they struggle to do themselves, but what their parents have always done for them. They may find it easy to bond with narcissist types.
So it stands to reason that in other environments that the child-adult-victims of narcissist parents could be unconsciously attracted to people like their parents. Such friends, work mates, etc, seem comforting and familiar and what they are used to, so bonding with them would feel like a natural thing to do.
But sadly this also means that they can control the child-adult as well as the parents, and because it is all so familiar the child-adult is unaware that it is even happening and fit into the roll of being the victim with these other people.
All the best from James Martin Sandbrook.
Thursday, 27 June 2019, 6:55:19 PM.