Sometimes when I know that someone is going to turn on me, as some people do, I make excuses for that person before they get a chance to do any damage, so that I can avoid getting hurt by them. Or when they do turn on me I have already set up some excuse in my mind for them.
I think it is a survival tactic I used as a child to avoid the discomfort of emotional pain and being rejected.
The biggest problem that comes from doing this is that the person who was going to reject us in some way, or was going to be mean, totally gets away for it in our mind because we have made excuses for them.
And because we make excuses for them them we still see them in a good light, and they continue to take advantage of us.
Because I didn’t believe in myself or much like myself when someone would do me wrong I would say that it was my fault, or I would tell myself that I was unworthy of it because I was such a loser (Yes, those were the words I used) . I was giving people excuses in my own mind to abuse and mistreat me.
Sounds crazy, but I just didn’t want to face facts. I felt that any abuse of myself was justified because of my past, or because I was always told I was worthless trash. By this time I believed it.
So to my thinking then I would say, “How can I blame them for wanting to abuse dirt that doesn’t deserve anything?”
See what I mean?
I find that even today that when people don’t help me that I don’t blame them. To survive I try to avoid the issue, and just look away.
We need to wake up and believe that we are worth a decent life of love and happiness before it is too late.
All the best from James M Sandbrook.
Sunday, 17 May 2015, 8:25:58 PM.