Dealing with people can be a frustrating or rewarding experience and many books have been written about this subject. Dealing with family, friends, people you meet on a daily basis and work associates can be a happy experience or a constant downer depending on how you Deal With People.

When you deal with people you may find that sometimes people don’t measure up to your ideals. Try to remember that in those peoples lives many events happen that you have no idea about, so approach each person with the view that they will do the best that they can, at this time, to help you.

Try to keep in mind when you are dealing with a person that all people are not equal at all times, therefore a person may or may not be able to handle the way in which you deal with them depending on many factors. It is up to you being able to decern what that persons situation is at the time you make contact with them. If you are a team leader this is very important to the success of your job.
Here is a group situation that helps explain what I have written above. Take a sports team that is the best at it’s sport, we will call them Team A, and set them against a team that is not considered as good at that sport, we will call this team Team B. It is easy to guess who will win the game, or is it? Let’s change the situation a little bit. Lets give Team A a cold and then let them play Team B. Now there is a good chance that Team B can actually beat Team A.

If you drive yourself hard and you expect others to try as hard as you, more than likely they will fail to live up to your expectations. This is because that person is different and each person has different things that motivate them. You are motivated by what you want, they are motivated by what they want. If what you want does not fit in with what they want there is not much chance that they will go out of their way to help you to achieve what you want, especially if what you want gets in the way of what they want. If you can find a way to help people get what they want then there is a great chance that they will strive to help you because you have helped them.

Small Talk

If you have trouble with small talk, perhaps because you are shy or uncertain about how to ‘break the ice’ with total strangers, here are some suggestions on how to start a simple conversation:

Talk about the current weather or a recent storm, etc. This could break off to another conversation about what you or the other person or people were doing when the storm came about.

Look closely at the person and see if you like their hair or clothes, maybe the perfume they wear, and make some positive comments in that direction. People love to talk about the choices that they have made and what brought them to the final decision to buy that item. [Also, if what you are commenting on was a gift, you may get to hear about their children or a special event in their lives like their anniversary, birthday, etc.]

Do you know what job the person has? Then make a comment or ask questions about their job. Then listen to the replies you get and form further questions from what you have heard. Practise this.

Have you heard of this persons family? Do you know a member of this persons family or other people related to this family? Then ask questions about how the family or how a family member is, and what they are up to.

[If you meet at an event such as a school cross country race where both of your children are attending you can ask them which is their child and begin to share similar parenting events. Maybe even ask for their point of view on something that you are having trouble with with your child especially if your new acquaintance has older children. Such as children refusing to eat vegetables for example, or how to motivate your child to do homework. Other events such as barbeques means that you have your host/hostess in common. How did you meet them?]

Always try to avoid talking about religion and politics with someone that you don’t know much about. These subjects can be very personal to some people and you may, easily, offend them and get into an argument which is the opposite effect of what we want.
Never say anything bad about someone to someone that you have just met, even if they do say something to this effect. Keep the conversation happy and they will remember you as a happy, positive person.

Debating Issues
“The idea of any argument or debate is to find the truth.”

If you have an issue with someone else it is a wise decision to choose a place and time for the conflict, for these reasons:

One: This will give you time to calm down and think clearly about the issue and why you are upset.
Two: You can choose a place that will hopefully be relaxing for both parties.
Three: You can keep it a private affair between only the parties interested in the debate at hand.

By bursting into a room and screaming at somebody because you are angry with them helps you in no way at all, in fact if there is anyone else in the room you will mostly make a fool of yourself and lose the respect of others. People who don’t have the respect of others also will get no sympathy for their plight in life or on the particular issue at hand. People tend not to help people who are bad tempered nor stand by them even if they are right…they would prefer to keep out of the situation altogether once you have made a big fuss.

When dealing with people and trying to get them to believe something that you are telling them consider:

Their lifestyle
Their beliefs

And try to give them room to breathe. People sometimes need ‘time’ to let an idea ‘sink in’. Just because you said something or state that something is true does not ‘make it true’ to everyone else. You must try to be considerate of other peoples beliefs and desires. We are all welded together by what “we” learnt during our lives, many years of teaching, stumbling, pain, anguish, love, trials and errors bring people to the beliefs that they have.

Debate is important and different views are important otherwise the world would be a very boring place to live in. Imagine us all agreeing on “everything”, what a scary thought. It is a truly humble person who allows his opponent to gather his thoughts between each exchange of words in a debate.

If you are right then you have absolutely nothing to lose by giving your opponent a chance to get their facts together and if you find out that you are wrong, be wise enough to stand back and shake the other persons hand and admit you made a mistake. The idea of any argument or debate is to find the truth. If the other person is right and you are not then you surely would be glad to know the truth, wouldn’t you?

The fact that you were wrong (and you have been just as I have) just means that you were mis-informed, you were guided to believe what you did due to what you were told, what you believe and events during your life. Being wrong in an argument is not a shameful thing if you behaved honourably during the course of the debate. It is truly shameful to continue the debate with a display of bad words and loud exclamations that are aimed at the other person and not the issue being discussed.

Let the world think big of you and behave in a honourable manner whenever you are debating an issue with somebody else. Make this a habit and you will gain mountains of respect that no amount of ‘false attacks’ could ever destroy.

Encouragement

Encouragement is a medicine of it’s own. It has the ability to uplift a persons spirits to higher levels. When people are depressed or in need of help encouragement is a sure answer to the situation. Encouraging people is important because of it’s abilty to help motivate people into trying to do better.

When we want a job done we have two real choices of how to get other people to do it. One choice is to ‘tell’ them to do it. The other choice is to encourage the person to do it. Ordering people to do things appears, at least in my experience, to be reasonably popular and the results are mixed. But I have personally found that the results are often negative with bad feelings being produced.

You can get anyone to do something as long as you show them how it will benefit them. As long as there is a positive advantage for the person you are trying to motivate and you point it out to them in a nice way they will surely see the advantage and do what it is that you want them to.

Finding The Best In People
“I see many different people who come from many different walks
of life…I find that many of them are not much different to me.”

People, in general, are not bad. Sometimes people do bad things but humans are not bad as a whole. There is a lot of good in people and we need to see the good in people to know that it exists. In order to see the good in people we need to look for it in them sometimes, because for some people it’s not that obvious. We often hear about charity groups and other non-profit organisations that are run by people who are not looking to better their own lives but are trying to help others with no return wanted except the feeling that they have helped someone to be better off.

When we see the good in people we need to connect with it, become a part of it if we can. It’s the good in people that make them special in a wholesome way. You can be a part of this goodness, and if you pursue your part in this goodness you will eventually get many happy returns for your efforts.

But for the Grace Of God, you could have been anybody when you were born. Anybody on Earth. Look around you at the people who come in contact with your life on a constant basis. You could have been any one of them. Consider what you would have been like if you had been born one of them. Pick a person out in your mind and think about how you would have grown up in that persons home. Would you behave as they do now? I would suggest that you would probably be exactly the same as they are now. If this person that you picked is somebody that you don’t like, does this mean that you wouldn’t like yourself if you were them?

Sometimes when I get the groceries I sit in a park seat before I go in and watch all the different people who park their cars and walk into the grocery store. I see many different people who come from many different walks of life: they are different colours, wear different clothing, some rich and overdone, some rich and tidy, some middle class, some poor with ragged clothing and I imagine what I would have been like if I had grown up in their shoes. I find that many of them are not much different to me. I also realise that all of them suffered many of the trials that I suffered as a child, many were spanked, some were abused, all of them cried, most of them fell off their bikes when they learnt to ride a bike, all skinned their knees at some time, all had arguments with somebody and all have a had some form of broken heart at sometime in their life.

They are not much different to me at all, in fact with all the trials that they went through I feel that I have a special connection with them all, no matter what they look like and no matter what race, gender or status they have in society. 99% of the time I try to smile at all the people that I meet, not just the people that I know are my friends. When we realise that we all react differently to the way that we are dealt with by society we can see how we are not that different from each other at all. In fact I would go as far as stating that we are all much the same inside, in our minds and in our hearts. We just express ourselves differently, we also react differently to the things that happen to us.

Example:
Joe gets smacked in the nose by Fred. Joe smacks Fred back on the nose, it was Joe’s choice to react in the way he wanted to.

Jack gets smacked in the nose by Danny. Jack steps back and then runs away, he later calls the police to lay a complaint of physical assault. Jack also had a choice and he reacted differently to the way that Joe did.

Would it surprise you to know that Joe and Jack are twin brothers who grew up in the same house? They have always played together and had many of the same trials in life as each other. We could assume that they would react the same to the above assault but they didn’t, even though they were taught the same and had the same ideals. It shouldn’t surprise you to see how a person of a different race or gender would react differently than you in the same situation or in any situations on their travels through life.

You are not much different from me. If either you or I become a millionaire in a years time we still, in essence, are the same inside, physically and mentally. How I would react to being a millionaire and how you would react may be totally differently or may be close to the same.

During my life I reacted to things in a certain way, you may have reacted to the same things in a different manner – according to societies rules we were both judged by the ways in which we reacted. We then, in turn, reacted to the way in which we were judged. We had different goals and ideals, you took one path, I took another, maybe even for a while we both took the same path but in different countries. So according to the lives that we chose, and do live, we are who we are, but we are not that much different from each other in essence. We have both suffered many of the same things, cried for the same reasons, watched our loved ones die, tried to protect people we cared for, worked to feed or look after those that we love. We brought clothes, chose a car, got married, travelled, the list goes on and on. Can you see my point?

Compassion

Being a Christian can help you look at people, all people, differently. We are told that all people have souls and that all people are here on Earth to deal with life in a constructive, helpful manner. Which means that when we Christians look at people we can “see” that the other person is much like us in many ways even if they are bad and we are not bad.

First we need to remember that God loves all His people and so should we. Next we should remember that all people have souls. Next we should remember that “we” have failed (sinned) in many ways and that we don’t have the right to turn a blind eye to someone in need, especially someone who comes to us for help.

When we have compassion for others we should treat others who need our compassion the way that we wish to receive compassion. An example is when somebody has had a friend or family member die, if we try to feel what it would be like if we had had a member of our own family die then we can feel more compassion for the person who is emotionally suffering – even if as a person we don’t really like them.

You would be amazed at how many enemies that you could change to friends by being compassionate to them. When a person is sad mentally their defenses are down and they want to get emotional help to help them with the suffering that they are feeling at that moment and you, who has nothing to lose and everything to gain can help them with the kindness of your heart. Teach yourself to love all people and you will gain a deep amount of respect from the people of the world. Turn away from somebody in desperate need and you reinforce the other persons bad feelings about you and you will also look bad in other peoples eyes. It doesn’t really make you feel much better either by turning away.

Surround Yourself With Good People

Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33 NIV

When a person needs to feel happy it is a good idea to find people who are happy and surround yourself with their happy positive attitudes.

Surround yourself with people who love you. There can be no greater help than from those that truly love you. These people want the best for you and they want nothing but your love in return and to be treated fairly.

One way to do this is to find a group of people who do something that you want to do. It could be a group such as a public club that helps the community or a club that supports a hobby that you are interested in. Community clubs are always keen to add new members to their group and want to get to know you and have your company because you, like them, have common interests that you can share. You can start many new relationships by joining public groups and if that group helps the community at large then you have a bigger opportunity of making new friends.

Church groups could be what you are looking for, they all have a common goal and that is to share their love in God. Although finding a church that you like may be hard, once you have found the church of your choice and you have settled in you will enjoy the good company, the positive attitudes and friendliness of the congregation.

Equality

Under the law of God all people are equal. There are no differences between the races that cover the Earth. All people are Gods children. There are no black sheep in this huge global family. All people are given a chance to try to make the best of their life.

If we were to imagine that the entire world was governed by this system, Gods system of success and happiness, there would be no issues of race, gender or culture. How could there be if all people loved one another saw beyond each others color, gender and culture? It’s plainly evident that this is the perfect system which mankind should live by. Remember all that God wants is good for you!

We humans often complain that life is not fair, that all is not equal. The bad news is that we humans make life unfair and unequal, not nature, existence or God. If we lay the blame where it really should be put then we see the picture more clearly and by doing this we can also see what needs to be done to be rid of the helpless feeling that unfairness gives us.

It is a wonderful feeling going to a church to hear about Gods will amongst many cultures, all peacefully greeting each other regardless of the events happening in the world outside of the church. This is the true meaning of life when all people love one another in true spiritual harmony. What a world it would be if all people acted this way outside of the church. No racial or gender tension, just friendship.

Etiquette

Many people in this day and age don’t know ‘the rules’ for events like marriages and similar events. If you feel that this is you then I suggest you read some books on Etiquette. Here are some examples:

Etiquette For Every Occasion – A Guide To Good Manners, by Angela Lansbury.
ISBN 0 7134 4701 X

Here is a short list of some of the subject matter:

Engagements.
Weddings.
Parties.
Grand Hotels.
Unexpected Guests.
Births.
Restaurants.
Dating.
Dinner Parties.

To find more books on this subject check your local library.