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My sisters would meet a guy, the older sisters, and on the same day either sleep with him or go to his place and possibly stay the night. My mother encouraged this behaviour, and she would also bring men home to sleep with while we were at home.

My sisters just followed what mother did, and they never saw it as a bad way to live. Years later they would talk of regrets. They disliked Dad because he was not there for any of us, but what they don’t get, and I think that most daughters don’t get, is that if they turned out to be sexually-loose who taught them to be like that – and even though the mother may see her sexual activities as having fun, all the time her children were subconsciously watching, and later on they did as their mother showed them to do.

What I realised and my sisters still have not realised, is that if they were brought up in another home they would have turned out different – and yet on the anniversary of mothers death they all say the most wonderful things about her, and that they miss her and so on.

Immature minds cannot use logic and common sense, nor judge people, as they are emotionally wanting their mother to be a wonderful person, so that is what they see regardless of the proof that shows them what a bad mother was or them, especially in guidance or the lack of moral and decent guidance.

Thus my sisters, my mother and their friends had no idea of dangerous situations. They just saw life as a playground, like a child see’s the sandpit. And as the child would indulge in just about anything with no thought, so did they, so did my mother.

I guess is why the young women of today choose gang members, to have affairs, to have many casual sex with men they only met that night,they feel that being a decent moral woman, a Proverbs 31 woman as boring, and they see the men of gangs, and such as exciting.

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Hedges used instead of fences. Notice how fit the old fellow is, and how easily he bends over, picks stuff up and uses his tools. This is because he is constantly working on a hard physical job, and probably has forearms of steel. Back then you did not need to go to the gym, your lifestyle, work, hobbies and such were more than enough.

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A primary teacher who made fun of pupils with learning disabilities, pulled a finger at other children and told some to “p*** off” will no longer be allowed to teach. Wendy Maree Hopwood also ripped up pupils’ artwork and tore pages from their workbooks, throwing them in the bin if she believed they had made a mistake. She called one a “crybaby” and told another that he did not “have the balls” to look at her after losing his pencil.

On several occasions, the Ashburton teacher was seen calling pupils “dummies” or referring to them as “thick”.

Hopwood’s conduct between 2019 and 2021 has been scrutinized by the Teachers’ Disciplinary Tribunal, which released its decision today to cancel her teaching registration.

According to the decision, Hopwood had started work at Tinwald School in the year 2013, initially in job-share situations and then full-time since 2015.

She resigned in December 2021 and then worked as a relief teacher.

The Teaching Council charged her with serious misconduct after complaints about her behaviour were made in 2022 by teacher aides and pupils at Tinwald School, which takes children up to Year 6. The charges were then heard by the tribunal.

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Basic Stick Fighting Drill

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I had an interesting situation happen to me and it was a good lesson to learn from. It has been bothering me for a few days to write this.

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There was a person that didn’t like me much in the past, and the last time that we had seen each other, and maybe a year or so before that, we had not got on much when we did bump into each other. So there was some bad feelings there from both sides. Both felt innocent, both felt ill treated by the other, but one was actually wrong and didn’t realize it because other influences had caused this division between us in the first place.
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The lesson was that we had an opportunity to be friends again. I really, really wanted to try. I am one of those people who keeps trying. One of my daughters often complained to me that I gave other people far too many chances because she said that they would just take advantage of me over and over again. But for me, I wanted them to get every chance possible to see me as I really am and not as others had showed me to be to them. Or if I had done wrong then I wanted that person to know that I was ever sorry and that one mistake was not my real character. Or if they had done me wrong, over and over again that they would understand that there is a forgiveness that is continuous, and hopefully they would treat me better, but if they didn’t then at least they would know that in the end people can’t put up with that kind of treatment forever and they would finally move on.
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People who give other people many chances are not suckers if they do it because of love and they suffer in the process. They are giving the other people chances over and over again, hoping and waiting for that other person to understand. But in the end, when it is over, it is over.

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Back to the lesson. Well we got together and it all went wrong, very wrong. bad feelings rose up, some bitterness, some anger, some regrets etc. None of it was supposed to happen in my mind. The whole situation took a negative mind of its own and left us both afterwards wondering what had happened. It looked hopeless.
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Now here is the point. From that point onwards everything went right.
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The problem was, was that one of us had to get off their pedestal and come down to earth and let their true feelings out.
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For some people this can be a very hard thing to do. And with them when they come to apologize they end up attacking instead. They just struggle with admitting that they have made someone else’s life so hard, and in some cases for so long, so bitterness with themselves and shame causes a defense system to rise and instead of the humble apology they intended, an attack was the end result – guilt and pride sometimes makes people want to transfer their own blame to the person that they have hurt.
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What happened with me and my friend is that we became closer after this. We forgave one another and have had a great time re-establishing the friendship. But we had to get passed that first struggle to get right with our mixed up emotions and old bitterness and bad feelings.
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If you need to get right with someone, please don’t let old feelings ruin your chances of it all working out. if you have to apologize get right with yourself first. Let you know who was wrong, and let you know what you really did, and refuse to let anger or bitterness rise. But if they do rise, please give it another go. Please don’t let one argument kill it.
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Relationships should be not given up over foolish pride.
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And a forgiver should put aside bitterness and anger and welcome a genuine repenting apology, and be willing to start a new relationship from there on.
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All the best from
James M Sandbrook.
April 26, 2015 at 9:32am.

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In the Bible:
Anger and Reconciliation
So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar.
First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.
Reconcile quickly with your adversary, while you are still on the way to court.
Otherwise, he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison.…

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Writing Your Thoughts

The secret is to ‘let your writing take control of itself’, just let it go, don’t hold back and just write for hours if you want. A good way for you to ‘get to know yourself’ is to write your thoughts down in a book or on a pad.

This has helped many people learn more about themself and what is bothering them.

During the average day we think a lot and many, many different thoughts and ideas pass through our minds. We cannot remember them all as the day goes by. Every hour a new thought or challenge comes to the attention of our hard worked mind so what bothered you in the last hour may not be bothering you now.

Pick a time during the day or even just when you feel like writing things down because you have something on your mind and do it. Write about anything, write about what is bothering, or about your family, anything that you like.

These are personal notes, I suggest that only people you ‘really’ trust should read them, you may be the only person to read them – it is up to you.

The secret is to ‘let your writing take control of itself’, just let it go, don’t hold back and just write for hours if you want. Some people enjoy writing poetry which is about their thoughts.

Reading what you have written can be a real revelation and people are surprised with the results. Its a chance to really look at your thoughts from ‘the outside’.

This is good therapy if you are alone and far away from anyone.

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Writing Therapy…

An effective way to deal with the past is to write it all down.

I have a very long word processor file of hundreds of pages of my past.

It keeps it all where I can see it.

I write down things as I remember them, and they are under titles, such as Huntly Primary School, Raynors Rd, Wiltsdown, Wairakei Place, Tokoroa, these are places I lived of experienced and I write the events there.

If you lived in only one place you could use the titles, Tokoroa Primary School, Intermediate School, Forest View High School,  Netball, Rugby, League, Mum, Dad, Sister, Brother and maybe use a few friends names. Write about the experiences that you had with these people and what happened (as you remember events) at these places and who with etc.

Also under peoples names like Dianne, Lynn, Torrence with a detailed written story on your relationship with that person etc

The mind searches for the events, sometimes its hard and it hurts to remember some things, sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry.

Remember instead of being fearful of crying, see it as clearing away the bad times as we cry in grief.

It is good to cry these things away, and once we remember something hard we cry over it and then cry again until suddenly we don’t cry, we just remember – sad but accepting that this event happened to us and although we must remember the memory, as it happened to us or we did it, we can now accept it as the truth and more on. Eventually coping with them all.

Matthew Chapter 5, verse 4:  Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

We are healed of grief only when we  express it in full – Charles R Swindoll.

I have been writing my past for about 5 years and still I haven’t finished it.

Sometimes we need a good break from this kind of mental work if it seems to much to handle at the time and so we take this break, its good for us, and then eventually we will decide to write something else, and we will remember more.

As we write things down our mind knows that we are searching, for that is the goal, to get it all written down. Keep a tissue box by your computer, sometimes I went through many of them in a few weeks.

Sometimes you roar with laughter when you think of the cheeky silly things you did in High School, with mates, crazy antics,  or what we did with our mates on a Saturday night.

We remember old friends, occasions long forgotten, its all there we just need to drag it all out slowly and there is all your life to complete this so don’t push yourself too hard. If you push too hard, you will grieve too much and you may put yourself off this and never finish.

Jeremiah Chapter 31, verse 13:  Then shall the virgin rejoice in the dance, both young men and old together: for I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from their sorrow.

This is true soul searching, digging deep, facing facts and facing the past.

Sometimes you can do this with a friend, tell them some events that you remember, but sometimes its even too personal for them.

There will be much joy in remembering the past  and the good times and also some past mistakes and feelings can be  cleared up as you look back as an older person that you are now and can  see where people fit into your past, where and how events really  happened, and that you were not to blame for child mistakes like if you  were to do something wrong at the age of 9 you cannot be expected to  take the blame. This whole project is about you. It will help you put things in your mind together correctly and it will help you learn to love you. Lots of people have done this.

Make sure that this book, or computer file is somewhere where nobody will find it as this is totally between you and God.

Take it easy and rediscover yourself, your past, and let the past cure and protect your future.

And remember if you need someone to help you through this book of your life then ask someone that you can truly trust to help be a listening ear and to hold you in any dark moments.

And keep God’s loving thoughts with you all the time.

Grief can be your servant, helping you feel more compassion for others who hurt – Robert Harold Schuller.

Don’t rush this, make it last a few years if you can and just go through it gently learning as you go.

If it becomes to much to handle for now then leave it for a while.

– James M Sandbrook.
12th of March, 2011.

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https://youtu.be/cILrfOp5kj0

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