I was talking to a friend this morning and she told me about a situation that she was struggling with, it was about her close friend. They had an argument and are not getting on. The whole thing was based on lack of communication and presumptions.
What I have learned is that there are always two views or more of one situation.
Both people involved have their own view.
One could be mentally ill at the time and would therefore have a confused or foggy view.
One could have a “personal agenda” and rearrange the view.
One could be raciest and have their view directed by past opinions etc.
If either is vain, arrogant etc then that can cause misunderstandings and sensitiveness etc, etc.
The one real way to solve any problem is simply to ask. It is also very important to want to go into the situation gently with a will to solve the issues peacefully for good, and to part one another company peacefully.
I remember trying to discuss with a female some time back something, she wouldn’t let me say anything and she cut me off and walked away. As time went by I discovered that she was a people pleaser, and she was arrogant and vain. I misjudged her greatly, I thought that she was capable of understanding an honest conversation at that time, she wasn’t.
Some years passed and I tried to talk to her again but she would hurl anger and sometimes make abusive signs from cars. I found out that she was suffering mental issues, and had not that long back been in a mental-care. This explained her strange behaviour.
Sometime in the future when this person has their mind in order I hope to be able to sort it all out, and at least have my say about what happened and that she see that there was another view beyond what she imagined, assumed, and heard from other people.
Sometimes I don’t feel a need to say what I think, or explain how I felt or to have my say. But sometimes I do want to have my say and express my feelings because some things seem to sit deep in the heart and they need to be released to heal the situation, and then one can move on feeling that, this is a wall that was taken away that was limiting our life.
This lady I talked to today told me that her husband said for her to “let it go” for now, and to wait and then it will all come back together again and she and her friend will discuss it then. She said that she will pray about it.
It appears in some cases of lack of communication and falling out, is that we may need some healing time apart from one another.
The idea would be to get on with life, keep learning, keep growing and become more mature as we go. Then when the time is right and we find ourselves in a situation to “talk it out peacefully” then it should be done. Peace, apologies and forgiveness should happen.
It seems to me that God waits until our minds are more mature and then he brings it all together again for another try.
I have noticed in the past, sometimes people that have had a falling out with me I see a lot around town, and I am sure that these are moments for us to make peace (and I try to do this), but if the other person is not ready (for their own reasons) then we can do nothing about it but wait.
Remember that we have a Living God and He will guide people to us to learn the Gospel as well. many a time a Christian has told me how people have gone up to them and asked them all about Christianity and what it means. God is always working in our lives directing us towards growth and harmony.
When we see people all the time believe me, there is a reason for it.
All the best from
James M Sandbrook.
21st of February, 2014.