This mental lying to ourselves covers up the wrongs, failing, toxicity and mistakes of our parents and tells us that they can do no wrong – the problem with painting them so perfectly is that when what they did wrong to us continues subconsciously with us, we self blame, we curse ourselves (as our parents did), we blame ourselves (as our parents did), she shame, hit, and call ourselves names, (as our parents once did), but because we cover up for our parents toxic behaviours in our adult minds, we refuse to see that we were taught to think of ourselves as fools, idiots and stupid etc, rather than see that we are not these things at all.

No parents are innocent, perfect, the best, and so on, they are human, and they also would have had toxic parents if they too were toxic parents. This is not about blame, it is about seeing yourself as you truly are and stop self blaming and self punishing yourself when you make simple mistakes.

You see, if you make a mistake you can fix it and not make that mistake again or not so often. But if you think that you are an idiot, you just assume that you will never get such things right because to you, as you were taught to think as a child, that there is something wrong with you when there is not.

By putting the blame where it belongs, and accepting that you were (unintentionally) brainwashed over the years to self punish and self blame, you can now reprogram your mind to accepting the mistake, as a mistake, learning from mistakes (instead of punishing yourself) and then trying something else or getting someone’s opinion how to deal with such and such a situation. Or come up with something yourself, or more importantly come up with something nicer to say to yourself, something kind, encouraging, helpful, suggesting to yourself that you are doing all right and can deal with this challenge.