Some years back I had a friend who would visit every day and say things that I didn’t agree with, gossip,
and was sometimes negative enough to make me feel depressed when he left.
We had been friends for many years, and it was that friendship loyalty that I had that was stopping me from doing something about ti. I wanted to be friends, but not to the extent where his views affected my views, feeling, life and beliefs.
When he left I should have been feeling good, but instead I was feeling exhausted and pleased that he was gone. Sometimes we would argue over issues and we were both stubborn, and that didn’t help at all.
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I finally realized that this was doing me no good, but I still did nothing about it. Then thankfully I read a motivational book that spoke of this situation. It stated that the best way to deal with this situation is to walk over to the person, thank the person for visiting and
the talk, and then get that persons’, hat, purse, coat or whatever, walk to the door and tell he or she that was all the time that you had for them today.
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I was determined to do this, but I was scared of offending and worried about how he would react. But I knew that it must be done because about 2 hours or more everyday were being wasted in pointless conversations that I didn’t enjoy and that were leaving me tired and exhausted.
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I decided to give him an hour of my morning. So when he visited I waited for that hour to finish, and I told him a in loud, clear decisive voice that “I had things to do and no more time for talk” and I picked up his hat and took it over to him and I took his arm and led him to the door and said, “Goodbye.”
The look on his face was of shock. He was so dumbfounded that he said nothing, and then stormed off. In its own way it was very funny, and I was so completely relieved that even though I had hurt his feelings I had achieved a milestone. I felt confident, very pleased with myself for choosing for myself how I wanted my life to be and then making it happen, even if someone who had been a good and longtime friend was offended.
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He didn’t visit for a while after that, and then one day he visited, kept the visit short and left. He had learned that I had courage, that I made a choice and even he had to obey my choices because they were what I wanted and were the best for me. He also learned to respect my wishes. I never regretted my stand after I had done it, you shouldn’t either.
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Your life is your life, neither family or friends deserve the right to use your life to make them feel better etc. You choose for yourself. It is the only way to be happy.
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All the best from James M Sandbrook.
First published – 6th of September, 2016.
