But in my understanding of who I was at that point in life and of my own life, much of my negative self-dislike, and judgments of my past and of myself came from other people’s opinions and judgments of me. My mind was poisoned to believe that I was trash, scum, a fool, an idiot, an unworthy piece of dirt.

Other people had played that tune into my head for so may years I was now singing that negative self dislike tune in my head and that is how I judged myself and condemned myself, and that is why I refused to be gentle on myself or to give myself another chance.

In my mind worthless trash doesn’t deserve another chance, it should be hurt, punished and forced to suffer for its ways.

 

My self dislike was put into my head from other peoples demands of who I should be according to their proud judgmental ways, and what I should be according to them, and I believed them, and I demanded of myself the same punishments that they demanded of me because I was singing the tune that they had been ramming down my throat for years. And if we become a member of their band then we will sing that same tune to our own children.

Over the years that is what happened to us. We hear so many people telling us that we should do this and that we should do that etc, and finally we start to tell ourselves the very same things. We demand that we live up to other peoples expectations of how we should be. And by doing this we lower our own self respect for ourselves and what we are worth.

 

Finally people cut themselves, hurt themselves, hate themselves, want to die, it all seems like such a misery. we want to feel that instant gratification of painful punishment for the past wrongs.

But the reality is that all of this is just a Big Fat Lie!

 

God does not see you through the judgmental demanding eyes that your family, and society does. God sees you with clear eyes that have seen your past, your suffering, your tears, your pain, God watched society take away your innocent joyful opportunities and give you mud and misery. God thinks that you are so wonderful, brace, so precious and so innocently true. That is how and why God can forgive you.

We have to wake up. We have to not see ourselves through the filter that people have put before our eyes, and then see ourselves as innocent children that were bullied by adults, manipulated, judged and treated disrespectfully etc.

You are not guilty anymore. repent and get right with yourself, God and your life. Be with those that matter and who are important for your own growth and destiny.

Believe me, you may cry some tears getting right with yourself, but you will be stronger, more honest, more genuine and you will love yourself, and other people and life so much more. And you will thank God with so much love and thankfulness.

 

 

All the best from

James M Sandbrook.

First Published – 25th of September, 2014.