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We all have a desire to be wanted, needed, helpful to others, respected, and such.
With the influenced of Hollywood movies and actors giving the false impression to young people that being “gangster”, mean, unlawful, a fighter and so on will get us respect, genuine friendships, company, has many seeking genuine relationships that won’t come their way, by being the opposite to what attracts good people and honest relationships.
In order to get what we want for our own lives, we need to be what we want to see in the world.
If we want more honesty, we need to be honest.
If we want to be helped, we need to help others.
If we want to be treated with respect, we need to respect others.
If we want to be understood, we need to try understand other people.
If we need or want our spouse to be able to cope and handle life, we should be this too before we marry.
And so on…
Many people complain that the world is not this or that, or that people should be more honest, good, compassionate, decent and so on, and they themselves are not what they want to see in the world.
Common Sense is that if we want change in the world we need to be that change ourselves, we need to be who we want others to be. The changes we want to see can start with us.
Some of us grew up in toxic homes, and if that is the case, we need to set ourselves aside from the rest in our house and be the person who they are not. We can be an example for them to want to be, especially a good example for the young. Change for the better has to start somewhere, it can be with you.
All Parenting should be based on bringing up males and females who will have strong unbreakable values, desire a good future, and that good parenting will prepare them to deal with life, and also help them have a good character.
It is wisdom to realise that if our children have good character then this will help them through life and also help us relate to them and they will understand us better as their parents.
Strong Values gives the young something good and decent to believe in, and will also help them respect themselves as they stand with good character and a kind compassionate way of dealing with other people.
It is impossible to get one with everyone, so please be good with that.
We need to understand that we can do the best that we can do to get on with people, but there will always be people who we won’t get on with, and that is fine. If we try and don’t succeed to get on with someone, the wise thing to do is deal with that person fairly, but also keep our interactions with that person to a minimum.
Some people, no matter how much you are nice to them will not be nice to you, or they will be nice to you for a while and then mean one day, then nice again the next day. people like that, it is wise to keep your interactions with them to a minimum.
There is a saying, that be nice to other people, good or bad, because you are a gentleman even if they are not.
Part of enjoying life is to be nice to people and receive kindness back, enjoying life is also having less to do with the people who make life a struggle and they refuse to change.
You need to look after yourself so that you can care for and look after other people.
People who have less control of themselves get angry quickly. This would be a result from somewhere in their past or toxic parenting.
My father had a very fast angry temperament at times. He would just explode and yell at us. This led us children to be nervous around him and to have anxiety.
Being slow to anger is a very good sign of a stable mind who can cope, think, and is in control.
Part of the value of a Slow to Anger temperament is that if people are trying to make you angry you can listen, think, take no action, and decide good way to deal with this situation.
Often when people yell at me, even if they are threatening, I stand and say nothing thus I am giving away nothing.
After the other person has let off some steam he or she will start to think more rationally, and that person will also notice that you have not run away, not argued, and just stood there.
Mostly they just walk away. Or we can talk now that the person has calmed down enough to listen and talk.
A Gentleman is slow to anger, eager to help, courteous, polite, and respectful, and yet when the time comes he is powerful in his efforts to see good done and in helping people. He treats people how he wishes that they treat him.
Even if people don’t treat him well he will treat them with respect and politeness, because his character is this and not theirs. He always hopes that they will one day see the value in being a good soul so that their world will be better for it
The Gentleman earns respect not by what he does in the world or what he personally achieves, but by how he presents himself to others, helps people, and how he affects the world. He does not want to be disrespectful and therefore presents himself to people with honour and respect for them.
It is said that Gentlemen “Character” came from France and was modeled off the life of Jesus.
Because he is open minded about people, life and what is known and not known he is willing to hear a new theory, to digest it and then he makes up how own mind about it even if everyone else disagrees. He knows that to be happy within himself he must believe what he thinks is right and refuses to be persuaded as the masses often are. He knows that he does not know it all, and he knows that he will never know it all, but he will do the best that he can be to hear each person out and learn as he listens, and he knows that without tunnel vision he will learn, progress, change and develop in a good way for the greater good of his own life and for all those that come to know him in his life journey.
For instance if he were a smoker he would not smoke in the home of non-smokers regardless of what they say, and in doing so he is showing them respect because he knows that they know that smoke will damage their lungs or give them cancer so he does not want to ‘put them out’.
The Gentleman is respectful to all women regardless of their status in society, but he is also weary of being taken advantage of by those who could be devious in all social classes.
Being a Gentleman has nothing to do with your status in the world, your financial worth, title or what you own. Its about being a strong worthy mature member of society who looks down on nobody, helps everybody, serves people if there is a need, and is there when he is needed.
A point to remember is that the Gentleman is strong, mature, stable as best as he can be, and he is also very sensitive, especially to other people’s suffering, pain and troubles, while also feeling very deeply with love and empathy for those he loves.
The Gentleman tries to get on with everyone as best as he can. This does not mean that he will get on with everyone. This is mainly due to his honesty which some people won’t like, his vision of which some won’t agree with, and even though he is longsuffering he is also strong willed, determined, and people of weaker-character find him hard to understand or they wish they were like him.
The Gentleman has great respect for his wife, and desires for her to be happy with him as her life partner. He see’s her as his friend, partner, and companion, of who he respects, helps, heals, and stands by through all hard times, and together they embrace the good times as one.
All fathers who have sons should desire and strive for his sons to be like this.
A male’s worthy strength is not in his physical power, but in his self control, in his wanting to take a strong stand on important issues to his heart, to defend and protect what is his own.
A man’s true power is his control over himself, and when tempted to do something he knows is not right, no matter how many people are trying to get him to do that wrong, he refuses.
The Gentleman is strong, but his strength would never be used to bully people who are less strong than he, such as women, the elderly or children.
The Gentleman is wise in his years and responsible, especially he holds himself responsible for his own actions.
His wisdom comes from Life Experiences and from listening to others. If he makes a mistake he owns up for it and does what he can to repair the damage done, he would expect this from his family and friends, and even if other people did not meet his standards he would still present himself as responsible as an example to children and those adults who are yet to learn the value of being responsible for their own doings and lives.There is a modern day image of a Gentleman in a expensive suit (probably came from late 1800’s England), having a title, lots of money,l drives an expensive car etc, but that is the Materialistic version of the Gentleman character, a invention to make the younger generation desire to be wealthy, fake, plastic in mind, a conformer and materialistic. This form of a Gentleman is caustic and toxic because all in all his own interest is himself, business, making money and what he owns – in truth he is of little use to people and society.
The real Gentleman is a nice man, good to know, someone who you can rely on, trust, have faith in and know that when he shakes your hand and makes a promise he will do the best that he can to make that promise come true, he is as good as his word, and his handshake is as good as ay signed deal made in any lawyers office.
A Gentlemans word is as good as a contract.
The Gentleman enjoys being helpful, useful, responsible, and even making personal sacrifices for other people gives him a good feeling knowing that in his small allotment of time on the planet he was able to make a positive difference to people who had no hope, no help from others, needed help, guidance, and advice, and he was there to do it.
The true Gentleman is the type that many come to his funeral because of how he affected their lives deeply, sincerely, completely and with empathy.
He lives not so much for himself, even though he does enjoy many things, he lives for others, and many times they never even have a clue that it was he that did them a good deed or favour. Life is not what he can get out of other people but what he can do for them, thats is what makes him happy and gives him joy, this is where his power and desires lay, in being someone who makes a difference for the better in other people’s lives, and it is not worthy of doing unless he gains nothing for his efforts.
All the best from
James Martin Sandbrook.
Originally Written – October 29, 2012.
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