The Old Character, must go! So the new you, can grow!

I still may not be completely Born Again, I am still yet to heal in various area’s of my past, a way to smooth the process and get me going, taking risks, making myself do what I need to do, I can see things as they are and then understand myself, my past, my current mental state, and how the old character is holding me back.

You come to me for help, what is the first thing that you want from me?

Understanding. You want me to be able to understand who you are currently, how you got to be this person and what steps you need to find the courage to take risks and move forward.

You, need to understand You! As you are right now, and especially how you came to have the difficult struggles that you have today.

I remember Louise, the Real Estate Agent, coming to my house in Wairakei Place a couple of years ago, to check it over for a sale (estimate).
When she was walking out the door to leave I said to her that I was once trying to be a door to door salesman, but the thing that held me back was the fear of going up to the door and knocking. This was back around 1992-1993. And the very sad part for me was that I would reach the person’s driveway and then leave, I never even got to knock on one door step. I said to Louise that I admired her because she was doing what I feared doing, I thanked her and wished her well.

Going to the church from 2004, I went to we did Soul Winning, door to door knocking, and while at first I was weary of doing this it became easy and second nature to me. I never liked doing it, but walking up to strange doors is easy for me now.

When I tried to get to a door to sell back in 1993 I would start off with lots of negative talk at home, on the car ride to someone’s house and then stop, get all worked up, and go home. A totally hopeless and fruitless adventure, not an adventure, a non-event.

If I understood myself back then I would realise that the character that I had become was a combination of my life up to that point created by toxic people, this character is not me. I should have told myself that other people can do it, I can do it, and the reason that I struggle to do it is because the Old Me was taught to fail by the life I had been pushed into. This Old Me is Not me!

Being aware of your thoughts, what you say to yourself, what you say to yourself about yourself, how you react to your mistakes, failures, fears and so on gives you an idea of the Real You watching the Old You defeat everything that you want, need and should do for your own good.

So please listen to your inner-voice, and especially listen to what you say to yourself.
Also be very aware of anyone who blames you for this and that, who puts you down, who treats you unfairly, and possibly is a narcissist and gaslights you. You cannot get rid of the Old You if you keep these bad people in your life.
We need to remove the people from our life who just not make the grade because for all their big talk they never succeed in helping you in a good way, and their efforts always fail in the end, so they must go. Be sentimental, but firm, go they must or you will never move forward.

When you try to do something and you hesitate and you say to yourself one of those old statements about you being useless, a coward, dumb, stupid, “Oh, I’ll fail anyway so why try!” and so on, cut the negative sentence off and say, “That’s the Old Me, the toxic sick me, this is not who I am!”

It can be easy to get into this habit, and it is also nice to note that you are beginning to understand that this nervous anxious, depressed struggling person is not the real you, it is just a result of a toxic childhood and toxic people. You know that you are not to blame. Because your parents were not able to fix you, or others, you have to do it yourself, and this is where your listening to yourself, hearing how you talk to yourself.

Do you talk to a child like the child is an idiot, no, then don’t do this to you.
Encourage yourself as you would encourage a dear friend. The more you improve the more genuine respect you will have for yourself, and the love and understanding will follow.

Always note that if you are with a controlling narcissist manipulator, he, she, all of them will not approve of you using your own mind and correcting, respecting and loving yourself so much so that you want to move on and help yourself somewhere else, so expect from such people much negatives.

Correct yourself for the better (regardless of other people’s advice) at all times, make you accept that you were badly treated and now you need to take control of your own mind and life.

All the best from
James Martin Sandbrook.
26th of November, 2021.