I find it easier to observe myself now and see and understand my own faults and mistakes, and observing other people now than I did as a teenager.
Things back then that I tolerated that I would never accept now. And there are people I used to allow to push me around when I was younger that I would never let do that to me now.
I make friends with people much easier now than when I was young. Probably because back then I was trying to prove something, or to validate myself, to make myself seem important, at least to myself.
Both my parents were very judgemental of other people, especially their enemies. As a teenager onwards I had to try to remove what my parents had taught me that was wrong and to learn lifes important lessons the hard way, and try to understand those lessons and then apply them to my own life.
What I try to do now is instead of judging those who attack or hate me (sometimes I fail, at least at first) I try to understand why they have decided to hate me, or why they have decided that I am their enemy, and why they want to hurt me.Understanding them and how they think, what they fear or dislike makes it far easier for me to forgive them, or if I did wrong then to go and apologize.
I have an attitude that the door is always open for people to apologize, and to come and make friends after conflict. I know that I am not perfect and sometimes I do or say foolish things. My feelings are that the sooner the conflict is over the sooner peace will come, and a nice feeling of accomplishment doing the right thing and making friends again etc.
The walls I had to take down that I learned from adults when I was a child was to not judge people by appearances, instead to give them a chance and to get to know that person’s character, and that can really only be done face to face, by getting to know them.
The biggest lesson probably was to realise that I didn’t know everything, and that a self opiniated narrow view just makes me a fool and loses friends. It is a wonderful revelation knowing that we don’t know it all and that we need an open mind to learn more. The more we learn, the more we try to understand, the more we try to help others without wanting returns, the more happier we become, and we sleep better too.
What I try to do on Facebook is to try to pass on what I have learned to help others (especially young adults) learn what took me years to learn. The younger they learn the better for their lives. Doing this for free makes my life worth living and gives me a wonderful feeling of accomplishment, it is a nice feeling being told by people that something I shared on Facebook helped someone and gives them new courage and confidence to go on with life.
All the best from James Martin Sandbrook.
Tuesday, 24 May 2016, 9:04:47 AM.