Anxiety and Seclusion.

About Anxiety:

Years ago I was very panicky, had many fears, worried, and had more than a few issues about stepping out of my comfort zone and doing things.

My situation was that for many years, around 6 years, I was computer programming most of the night and homeschooling my children all day, I was getting around 4 hours sleep a night, I was desperate to succeed as a computer programmer.
My communication with the outside world became zero and my only adult contact was my wife (ex-wife now) and those who I was emailing on the Internet about computer programming.

Narcissists use seclusion as a way to control a person.
They often use fear and even guilt to keep the person at home obedient and submissive, and then they control them for years and act as the only person that the victim can trust.
And if family supports the narcissist then they will all back up the seclusion etc. The end result from years of seclusion is often anxiety, a fear of dealing with the outside world of which they have not been a part of for some time. Another cause of anxiety (which was a big problem for me in some ways) was that society had changed during those years I saw no one, I had to adapt all over again to many things.

What happens is that the victim loses their coping skills while in seclusion, and to their horror when they go back into the world they feel totally lost, confused and unable to cope.

Because the victim has relied so heavily on the narcissist and the narcissist is gone from their life, the victim struggles to cope alone without help, often they will run back to the narcissist and are reintroduced back into being the victim all over again.

Many opportunities come the victims way, and the victim turns from them with fear not sure if he or she can deal with each new challenge.

But the law of Life Learning is that we learn from personal experiences and our confidence and courage grow from these. If we don’t face our fears and go forth we will never grow in courage and confidence, and each time we run back to our Comfort Zone we confirm that we cannot cope and are unable to deal with life.

A person can be secluded from society for other reasons like for health reasons and they may need to be gently re-introduced back into the world, and they too will suffer anxiety and the fear of laving their Comfort Zone.

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The only way out I found was in the doing.
I had to do the things that I feared and I had to demand of myself that I continue with them. After a period of time I grew more capable and the fears and anxieties went away. This is the only way that I know that we can rid ourselves of anxiety and fears.

Confidence grows with each challenge, and the simplest crippling fears become normal everyday things that we do that don’t bother us anymore. It takes time, and one needs to be persistent and stubborn, but also forgiving and gentle on themselves as they go. With someone who cares and who we an fully trust at our side makes a huge difference and speeds up recovery.

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All the best from

James M Sandbrook.
5th of January, 2018.

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