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Sometimes in life we make a pledge to help someone, and we promise to stand by them or to do something, and this shows our integrity as we will do anything to make sure we keep our promise to them.
But a manipulator can use Guilt against a person, also a manipulator can use a Promise pledge against an innocent person to try to force a good person to do a bad thing.
My advice to people is to try to keep a promise as best as you can but it is not always possible to do so.
A true example of how a situation can change:
Parents made a promise to their daughter to have a big event in the daughters name and to honour her. It was expensive and the parents promised to make it so, and the daughter was telling everyone all about it months before it was to happen.
But the father, the main money-earner was to lose his job before the promise could be kept. He found out the bad news after he made the promise to his daughter. So now he had to tell his daughter that he was now unable to keep his promise even though he deeply wanted to keep that promise that he had made.
The daughter, although upset, reasoned that there was no money now to pay for her event and agreed that it was not to be because now it was too impracticable as the family needed all the money that they had until the father could get a new job somewhere else.
A person who is a manipulator can get a trusting unsuspecting person to make a promise to the manipulator based on the information that the manipulator or his or her friends etc helped, and the victim assumes that the advice is solid and worthy and intends to keep his or her promise.
Not realising that he or she had been lied to, and not realizing that the person who made the victim make the promise was a manipulator, a dishonest person, the victim trusts the manipulator and stands firm on the promise.
But as time goes by (As I had found out in the past myself) the victim discovers that the promise is either unachievable or very impractical, unfair, based on lies, or was a dishonest trap that the victim was seduced in to, the victim does not need to keep the promise anymore.
When I was young a family member would always get me to make promises because she knew that I was always wanting to be good, honest, and such, so she knew that if she could get me to make a promise then in my honesty/confusion/guilt etc, I would be bound (trapped in to) the promise that I had made to her. As time when by this happened often, and finally I realised that I was being fooled so that I would go against my feelings, emotions, beliefs and honesty, if I kept the promises that I had been tricked in to.
This family member was using guilt to make me keep promises that I had found out were dishonest and that I had been tricked in to making the promise.
My Advice from personal experience, is that if you have discovered any dishonesty, deceptive, trickery and so on, in the information given to you when you made the promise them the promise is no longer a promise, and you can with all honesty and honour walk away from that promise and feel no guilt at all.
Please don’t try to keep a promise that you can’t keep, because if you try to go against your will, soul and character, you will break your own heart, feel much self disrespect, and dislike yourself.
Don’t let people take you down that rabbit hole or you will be miserable with regrets for the rest of your life.
You see, if you had been given all the truth at the beginning then you would never have made such a promise, and maybe you have matured, and seen how the promise is unfair, cruel, dishonest and so on, and now you know that as the person who you are today you just cannot keep that promise.
An example of this is that in the past you were a careless person, no empathy, and even mean at times, and you made a promise – then a decade later you have completely changed in character, and are now a good decent person, honest, responsible, have empathy, and compassion, therefore there is no way that your new character can go ahead with a promise made when you were so different.
As a new character you would never do a mean thing, never hurt anyone, and would always be honest and good, thus you now cannot and will not go ahead with that promise anymore.
People change, life changes, views and beliefs change, and along with them what you once agreed to do changes as well, and you must adjust all of what you do to the new character that you now are, to align with the new person who you are.
If people really love you, are honest, honourable, and good, then they will allow you to not keep your promise, but if they are a manipulator like that family member I mentioned then they will get heavy on your case, bullying, making demands, making your feel worthless, guilty, and so on, and those are the signs for you to walk away and refuse to keep that promise because now you just cannot do it.
Being True to Yourself is standing up for what you believe in, staying good, worthy and living your character out in the things that you do and being only with people who align with who you are now.
It does not mean that you are a bad person or dishonest if you now don’t want to honour and stand by a promise that you disagree with now. It means that you are being true to yourself and your character, and your beliefs, by refusing to partake in promises and activities that you now don’t believe in anymore, and if people don’t like that then that is their problem, you were not born to be controlled with manipulation and those types of people in your life.
People who are easily manipulated lack substance, they fall for everything, and even when they are against something they will do it because people bully them into doing it, they stand up for nothing and therefore fall for everything. Please make sure that this is not you, not now or in the future, stand up for what you love, what you believe in and what you want for your future and what you want in your future.
Be the person who you want to see in the world, that would make the world, your world, a better place to live in.
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