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It is so sad that people have to go though what you went through.
For me I would prefer to have an old shack and a genuine loving family than riches. I have had money, but I prefer to be loved. Love is something that I have not yet received from woman. My comment was more about society and that materialism breeds all things and in society, including toxic men and women.
Jan 08, 2018 2:27pm
The secret is to not feel insecure and not fret when living alone or spending a lot of time to ourselves.
There is so much to learn about ourselves when there is no interference from others, especially family, TV and society. “Living alone is not loneliness.” “Loneliness is a condition that is given to us by others when they prefer to be elsewhere and not in our space.”
But them being like that is a wonderful thing for us to learn from because it means that we can walk away happily from such people because by not showing up in our life until we involve them they really don’t want to be in our life, they are showing us how little they genuinely care, so wisdom states, let them go.
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Living alone is finding out who we are, what we are about etc and then we can re-enter the world, and those who are of the same character (like minded) will be attracted to us and we to them. We find ourselves drawn to the people/person who we really want in our lives. We listen to them, want to be near them, to hear and mingle with them. We find our true family, our true friends in our heart, they are those who don’t need to be called up or texted regular to keep them in our life, they will want to be in our space as much as we want to be in theirs – the relationship is evenly balanced. It is so liberating to feel loved for who we are and with people who value us because we are like minded and of the same feelings, dreams for the future. In this modern society people are always trying to depend on others when they don’t realise that their own strength is sufficient for now until they get real confident about themselves and find out what they really value, love and believe in.
It is in this state of spiritual awakening that we also really discover who we really love and want by our side during our own life journey.
Jan 08, 2018 2:20pm
It is really a wonderful insightful revelation to realise that you are worthy of a good happy life and of genuine honest love, you are special and amazing in your own beautiful way, and that life, the planet, and all that there is was created for you. 🌿 You are not the only one this was all created for, and you are not the least of all in thought when it was created. Your value as a good soul is far more valuable than anything of materiel worth in all the universes. 🌻 Once we understand that a materialistic society toxically teaches us to raise other’s above us so that they can take advantage of us, we can realise that none, not a soul that was ever born has ever been more worthy than we are. 🍃 Once we know this, then we can plan, prepare our lives, and go with all our heart and soul for the things that we love and value the most, knowing that we deserve the best. 💛
Jan 08, 2018 2:20pm
Human beings are a part of nature and we are also spiritual. This new human-created toxic world is a invention of the rich to make the masses workers for them. Due to it being toxic and physically and mentally unhealthy for us all the masses can become very depressed, suffer mental illness, struggles to cope and have anxiety. You are not to blame for feeling this way because you were born into an unnatural mental and spiritual world.
Jan 05, 2018 11:46pm
If God has not taken you then there is a good reason for you to be here. As hard as it feels and how pointless life may seem to you, there must be something that God wants you to do in the future and God needs you to hang on for that. If God lets you life then God believes in you, if God believes in you, you really need to start to believe in you and that you have something great to contribute to the world. Stick with it, we, all of us, may need what it is that you will be going to do for the world in the future – Believe! Please! For all our sakes.
Jan 05, 2018 9:16pm
let them go and you will heal much faster. Revenge is wanting evil for evil and the end results will simply be more evil and misery for all involved. Common sense is to stop the evil by returning it with love, good, or letting go and happily moving on and being happy that we learned a lesson about someone and will never let them affect us ever again unless they fully repent. Also how we react to life shows a lot abut our own personal character, and if we really want revenge it shows our mental condition at that time and what our character is really like. Being more mature and walking away is very healing and good for the soul and life. They will get their payback sometime in the future if they did you wrong.
Jan 05, 2018 9:08pm
Find something to do to break the negative chain of thought. Study something, something important, something that you have always been curious about, something that was once very important to you. Follow your heart.
Jan 05, 2018 8:46pm
Group: Anxiety and Depression Support
Living alone can be an amazing experience.
At first I hated it, but as time went on I got to meet me, the real me, not the me that others told me that I was.
And from then came the amazing journey of self discovery. I discovered what I liked, wanted, how much I enjoyed my own company, and I got to express myself to myself without others interference.
I was becoming true to myself. I was learning and growing.
• I learned to accept me as I am, admit that I was a work in progress and that no human alive was better than me, because we are all on our own life journey and we all had lives with ups and down, mistakes and failure, success and good times.
• I liked what I learned about myself because it was the real me who didn’t do things to impress others, and I didn’t desire other people’s approval for who I am and what I wanted to do, I just went and did what I wanted regardless of others opinions and views.
• I found that the wonder of life for me was the really nice person who I was, I got to finally meet me.
I wasn’t so bad I found out. I wasn’t the idiot some said I was. I was also able to see other people in a much more clearer light, and I was able to see where they were coming from, and I could see, sense and feel others turmoil as well and help them.
• I was becoming more Spiritually-
• I had the time now to honestly look at past relationships and the mistakes made by myself and the others, and I saw what I did wrong, what the others did wrong without severe judgments, but with a mind that wanted to learn to remove past baggage and to move forward positively with hope and love into the next relationship, the one that I wanted to last a lifetime. • Having time alone gives a person time to think without other people’s input and then that person can hear themself for the first time in their life. and they can wonder about life, the past, people, who was a good and bad influence in their life, and why things happened and the new amazing possibilities for the future.
○ One becomes mature, confident, more courageous and feels responsible when he or she finds themself within themself. So much is revealed when we look within honestly, so much becomes known. We can see the lies we told ourselves to keep others in our lives or to keep them happy. We can see how we allowed our own life to become limited and frustrating with the input from others who we thought really mattered only to discover that they didn’t matter at all.
• Another revelation is that we discover what is really important to our own mind, soul and life and what we really want for our own self. Even those things that would upset others and we would fear the negative results, taunts and laugher from others. We overcome thi and do what we want anyway, and refuse to entertain the negative people and walk away with silent joy and pride that we are no longer trapped by others toxic limiting opinions. We discover that just because others gave up on their life dreams that we don’t have to and we prove it :-
• We finally discover that people come and go in our lives and those who meant so much to us in school are gone ten years later never to return as they live their own lives. Other people come and go and we did things for them or missed opportunities because of them, when in reality they didn’t matter at all. Peer pressure had us doing dangerous and stupid things as a teenager, and oh how we regret that now. We gave away our hearts and souls to people who didn’t matter and who didn’t care at all.
○ Life gets so much better when we can finally understand who we are, what we really want, and what kind of future we really want. And then we go and gather our own people, our own spiritual family, and we finally become who we always wanted to be. We are finally at the rainbows end, living the dream, living in our own garden of Eden with our own kind of people.
Jan 05, 2018 2:13pm
Waiting is a game that produces no fruit. It is the having confidence that we can make it happen that holds many back. Most of my life I didn’t believe that I could do anything to change my life, I just rode the waves of misery and was thrown about like a cork in the ocean. We have an avalanche of bad parenting, confused young adults, and very unmotivated depressed adults in the world today. Many think that the only way to happiness is ‘things and money”, but that is a delusion designed to keep the rich wealthy and to keep the poor trying to chase the carrot of wealth, yet never getting it. True happiness is in the soul, but to gain that we must believe in people, love, and life. Once we discover that we have a purpose other than working for someone, we discover that we are worthy and capable of doing other things, being different and happy that we stand out and are not one of the masses. Depression is a killer of hope, and a cloud that makes the worthy feel unworthy and not able, anxiety the worry that we will fail. Life gets better when we get better, when we finally realise that we can make life a place of love and laughter.
Jan 03, 2018 9:59am
If you think positive the you the opportunity ahead of you, it’s like a gate that opens up to a world of opportunities that we couldn’t see before. With hope we see, with depression we are blind.
Jan 02, 2018 6:51pm
There are many cycles in life, changes and adjustments. In every second there are billions of changes happening every second. Life is about change, progress, and picking ourselves up over and over again learning and growing along the way. It gets better the sooner we accept what we have to and change what we can, and react positively to what happens good or bad in life. Remember, how you react to life is how your life will turn out. React with hope and expecting positive results and the future will just get better.
Jan 02, 2018 6:48pm
I found that when I was depressed I couldn’t see the good around me, but once I was free of depression the world lit up with hope and opportunities. 🙂
Jan 02, 2018 4:13pm
Also your thoughts will be open, your mind open, and your eyes always looking for opportunities that will bring forth the change you want. Waiting doesn’t bring change.
Jan 02, 2018 4:08pm
You are the change that is supposed to happen in your life. According to science the world is based on luck, things falling together with no purpose. If they were right then you have got to be the one to break the chains and do what you ned to do to bring the change that you desire to see in your life and the world.
Jan 02, 2018 4:06pm
Sometimes, but then I learned to value the little things that were amazing that I had lost focus on as an adult. And also I learne
d to value my own personal change for the better, after all, we are all works in progress. Each and everyone of us has tremendous value and opportunities, but a toxic society has us emotionally depressed, confused and lost so we don’t see the magic of life right before us. But it is all good as long was we know to accept us as we are today and know that we will become better people as time progresses and we gain more life experiences and overcome our struggles and become survivors.
Jan 02, 2018 3:58pm
I commented on Depressed Feelings’s photo.
Coming out of depression is an awakening, an understanding that we have been treated bad, and that the issues that we had with society are not out faults, although we also need to recognise that we may have reacted bad sometimes.
It took me a few years to come out of depression. Sometimes I feel depressed even now, but I do far more happier and positive things now so much so that depression doesn’t get its time in my head anymore.
It is nice to try to create our own honest, wholesome, loving, Garden of Eden on the planet. This is a good thing and helps our soul develop and grow.
Nov 26, 2017 4:33am
My whole life was like that. Christmas’s and birthdays alone. Every woman slept around and walked out on me. I got very used to them giving up on me, and then I found myself by being alone and without others. I became confident, happier, felt blessed and saw life, myself and other people in a different way.
I also saw that the problem for all our relationships issues was a toxic society. So I read more and more about people, how people react to life, the good and bad people, and what it takes to make change for the better.
When we understand how people think, we then discover about why they are mean, cruel and narcissists, and in learning this we can clinically stare at the narcissist trying to hurt us and feel so blessed and distanced from the narcissist emotionally that they finally don’t affect us any more.
From this point on we go and find out own people, our own tribe and we excel in happiness 🙂
Nov 26, 2017 4:29am
A childhood that does not prepare us for the sharks of life will leave us desperate for love and companionship. We actually fear being alone, so we cling to people, cling to the narcissists, and they love it. They hold on to us to feed their ego with boosts of self adoration and self importance.
The loser is us.
But for many of us we one day wake up. And to our chock we don’t like our life, the name of the narcissist leaves a foul taste in our mouth, and we finally get it, and we walk away very happy and relived to have lost the only person we truly loved and adored, who didn’t give a hoot about us.
Freedom is walking away from them, forever.
That is depressing. I know that I hung on for a long time and it was a complete waste of time. I can so easily see now when and why I should have ended the relationship earlier, but back then I was desperately trying to cling to a very toxic and hopeless relationship 🙁
The misery I cause my children for not escaping earlier is something thats till haunts me to this day. One of my 4 children refuses to forgive me for my part in the marriage and she looks down on me like I am worthless and very thick. She has told me that she cannot understand why people listen to me, and that is because she has formed a complete version of me from back then and refuse to see that I got out as a survivor and have become a new soul.
Staying in a toxic relationship caused me so much mental health damage as well. When we split up I was suffering depression, severe anxiety, agoraphobia, and was a mess. The whole relationship just totally destroyed my confidence and life, and my children suffered as well.
Yet because of my mental condition I clung to someone who was slowly killing me and destroying my sanity. I was frightened to live life without her, and I had nowhere to go, and I felt completely incompetent and afraid to try to live life again on my own.
It took from around 2004 to 2010 roughly for me to get my confidence back, some courage and a huge belief and faith in God. Without God’s guidance I would have died, I am sure of that. I am sad that I cannot give my children back the years that my ex and I destroyed and gave them issues to deal with 🙁
Being free was the greatest event in my life other than finding God that I have ever experienced, it is also the reason that I am still single, I am very careful now and only the right one will do for me.
Nov 16, 2017 12:20pm
That is covered in the book Toxic Parents. Some mothers are as bad as the toxic fathers by both doing anything about it all. 🙁
Nov 16, 2017 12:30am
Oct 07, 2017 7:45pm
One of the things that always helped me through the difficult times was that I would see people in worst positions in life than I was going through and I would realise that I had it better than others.
Right now I have a job, but for many years I didn’t and lived on the poverty line, didn’t eat well, had clothes that were rags, and was treated very cruelly by a narcissist local woman and her family.
At one point I would walk to town(about 5 km) and I had a damaged knee that the doctor mis-diagnosed and would not do anything about (eventually I had to have a knee operation) and while walking and carrying bags of groceries in the rain and limping very few people would offer me a ride home. Some refused due to the lies told about me in the character assassination, but some did and I was always very appreciative, but many times I walked the whole way, in pain, and sometimes in tears as many cars just went past.
In tears one day and exhausted after walking home I asked God, the obvious one worded question, “Why?”
The thought that eventually came to my mind was because God wanted to offer people a chance to help me. The horror was that very few did, but when they did I was very happy.
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Once walking home back in 2004 in the pouring rain, carrying groceries to feed my 4 children, and crying as I walked, and an old friend pulled over in his very expensive and nice car and demanded in a harsh tome that I, “Get in the car, now!!!” 🙂 I pointed out that I was completely drenched and his car seats would get wet and he angrily told me to get in anyway. This was at a very low period of my life and I was very down and depressed because my wife had just left the children and I for the second time, we were in debt because of her bad spending, my reputation was in ruins because of her bad spending and life looked completely hopeless. My friend who helped me that day gave me back a lot of hope simply because he didn’t give a hoot about his expensive car, going a long way out of his way to get me home, and he wanted to help when many didn’t.
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I understand Tanya. I have been there a fair amount of my life. I saw from your comment on my Facebook wall that you had been feeling down.
I try to tell myself in the hard time, when I am in emotional or physical pain, or struggling, that something good will come out of it, and I try also to see myself as improving my outlook in life and in my self belief from what has been happening to me in my life.
You are worthy, and I certainly appreciate your visit to my Facebook wall or comments on my posts 🙂
I appreciate Facebook very much because with it people like you and I can help one another and share encouragement, experiences, and keep each other seeing the good side of life, even when we don’t feel like it.
Years ago when I was very depressed and felt that suicide was an answer a friend told me that I was worthy and that I would be a good person in the future that would reach many. I completely and totally didn’t believe a word that this person said, but what I did was take those words and make them true as time went by. For years I still didn’t believe what he said, but I decided that trying to be that worthy person was a good thing an better than feeling miserable, and I suppose it gave me hope.
I began to hope for myself and for others. And I learned to express the pain and anguish on my childhood to other sin a non-selfish way sharing and giving advice and the next thing that I knew I was doing exactly what my friend told me years ago 🙂
Things do get better, and in some way, big or small we can be of use to ourselves and to other people.
The whole New Zealand attitude to suicide by the so-called experts and authorities is appalling. So many are dying because they find no help and have no where to go.
We had a tragic story here at WINZ in Tokoroa. A woman’s daughter had terminal cancer, and the mother sometimes went in for grant for help etc. One day she went in to see a case manager to ask for money to bury her daughter when the girl passed away from her illness, and the WINZ Case manger ripped into the mother about her always asking for money etc, and the Case Manger demanded that the mother go and get a death certificate because she didn’t believe the mother;s story. I assume that a death certificate was necessary anyway, but the mother didn’t know that.
The mother returned with the death certificate and the WINZ case Manager flipped out in horror because she realised how cruel and nasty she had been to a mother who just lost her child (about 9 or 10 years old). I heard that the Case Manager cried for hours and had to have time off work because she couldn’t work after the grief she had caused an innocent person.
It just shows that the training for sympathy for officials is appalling.
The last few years I was on the DPB and Unemployment Benefit I was well treated by all the Case mangers I had. The last one was a Policeman’s wife ans she was very kind and respectful. It was her that set me up for the Security Guard training and I greatly appreciated that.
New Zealand has a long long way to go in treating people fairly and recognizing true suffering and issues.
Oct 07, 2017 1:59pm
Oct 07, 2017 12:37pm
My journey had no drugs, but it did have alcohol and other issues, and yes, as each year goes by it is always so refreshing to look back and see how our journey has changed and so much for the better. Back when I was suffering deep depression and anxiety I had no one to help me, no Facebook etc, so I had to do it all on my own. One thing that I would have greatly appreciated was posts like yours with people talking of their success and how things have gotten better. They may not be completely out of the woods, but certainly have hope and are heading in a new positive and enjoyable direction.
Oct 05, 2017 10:51pm
Your success is a testimony that there is hope for all! Thanks for sharing.
Oct 05, 2017 10:40pm
Our lives improve for the better as our courage grows. With growth in courage we find that we are more willing to try things that we hesitated to do in the past. We find that we are more willing to hear out different points of views, not be so naive, gullible and narrow minded. ° Knowledge and wisdom come from the new experiences we gain from the new things we do, the things that we were once not so keen to do, or were once afraid of doing. With this new knowledge and wisdom we find that we are hearing, learning and spiritually growing in ways that we never did in the past. ° We are also more careful about who we believe, what we believe, who we trust, and what people tell us. We also hesitate and are careful about what we share with others, and we know what to keep to ourselves, while we become careful watchers and listeners of people and what is really going on around us. ° By being more careful, we are becoming more aware of manipulation, the games that people play, narcissism, body language, and the like. We are trusting our instincts and gut feelings more, trusting Divine guidance more than people, and knowing what is really good for our life, and what we really need. ° This new knowledge helps us protect ourselves in the future and helps us develop a sense of right and wrong and how people can treat us wrong. Also we become more aware of who to not listen to, who to avoid, who was not honest in the past and who was. ° We also become aware of who really loves us, who loved us and who used us, who we really needed, and who abused us. With this knowledge we can start a spring cleaning process and remove the human garbage from our lives. ° Courage brings happiness and new beginnings, prosperity, love, goodness, self respect, appreciation for God, life, and those who really matter to you. ° All the best from James M Sandbrook.
Sep 25, 2017 4:05pm
We can’t be perfect, so it is wise to understand that whoever we love will be imperfect. He or she will sometimes say silly or stupid things, might hurt your feelings, might tell you off. We expect our love to love us in our physically ugly moments, with wisdom we know that we can love he or she in their unkempt unattractive states every now and then too. Love is about being mature, and being real! Consider the huge advantages of a spiritually strong relationship where both are understanding and mature. This person will not abuse you, or lie to you, or hurt you on purpose (love does not abuse), this person will be responsible, will respect you, will die for you, will care for you, will encourage you on your worse days and put up with your strange weird habits and your imperfect moments when you let off steam. Know that you will do all the failings that you see in your lover, and possibly more. Know that you are not perfect yourself. Know that you do not want to be judged, so know that it is not wise for you to judge your love. Know that you want to be treated fairly and with understanding, so consider your spouse with fairness (knowing about human nature and that we “all” make mistakes), and understanding and knowing at all times that you could make the same foolish mistake yourself sometime in the future. ° If you are truly honest, and you know human nature and that we all make mistakes, then you know that you are not above your husband or wife, and that you are equals. As you easily want to forgive yourself, forgive others easily. Be the character that you would want to marry. Please always remember that in your weakest moments you want this person to be your strength, please be the same to the one who loves you. Often we find our inner-strength and courage when the one that we love is at their weakest and as we stand up for this person we love, we become their strength in their moment of need, with courage we didn’t know that we had. ° All the best from James M Sandbrook. 5 October 2016.
Sep 25, 2017 4:04pm
It is important to understand this:
“When my daughter was a toddler, I used to take her to a park not far from our apartment. One day as she was playing in a sandbox, an ice-cream salesman approached us. I purchased her a treat, and when I turned to give it to her, I saw her mouth was full of sand. Where I had intended to put a delicacy, she had put dirt. Did I love her with dirt in her mouth? Absolutely. Was she any less of my daughter with dirt in her mouth? Of course not. Was I going to allow her to keep the dirt in her mouth? No way. I loved her right where she was, but I refused to leave her there. I carried her over to the water fountain and washed out her mouth. Why? Because I love her. God does the same for us. He holds us over the fountain. “Spit out the dirt, honey,” our Father urges. “I’ve got something better for you.” And so he cleanses us of filth; immorality, dishonesty, prejudice, bitterness, greed. We don’t enjoy the cleansing; sometimes we even opt for the dirt over the ice cream. “I can eat dirt if I want to!” we pout and proclaim. Which is true–we can. But if we do, the loss is ours. God has a better offer.” – Max Lucado.
Sep 25, 2017 4:02pm
For many years of my life I tried to hide who I was because it was expected of me. I was encouraged to be like “successful people”, to change, to adapt, to follow the rules, to be submissive etc.
But the more I tried the more things inside me died. And they were called self-respect and freedom.
You see, the more that we allow others to guide us away from our natural character, the more we lose respect for ourself and the more we become like others, the crowd, just a part of the many, and nothing special.
To be free, you must be you and I must be me.
We can get on with others, we can adjust to what life throws our way, and we can learn and gather experiences, knowledge and wisdom, but we should never sacrifice our freedom to suit others and what they demand of us or who they demand that we should be. A few years back a very nasty character assassination was attempted to destroy my public character, and some people were very mean to me, and I lost many opportunities and my children suffered from it as well.
While this was going on I felt myself wanting to hide from the public and do very little locally.
As things turned out I did a lot on Facebook and became well known internationally as a motivator and helped many.
How I did this was I had finally got to the stage where I was tired of faking life and being a phoney. So I wrote on the Internet what I really felt, I wrote with my heart as the poet does and with the freedom of the song writer, I spoke of the tears, fears, anxiety and struggles as a single dad, of poverty and being hungry and also of homeschooling and that amazing experience. I also told of childhood abuse, and of removing anger, and bad thoughts from my mind and replacing them with compassion, forgiveness and love, even for my enemies (no easy task sometimes).
As I progressed I wrote about it and many many people have written to me and thanked me, religious and non-religious. Many people have written to me and told of how they were going to commit suicide and didn’t because of something I wrote. And that always amazes me.
I have not been trained in modern mental health methods, my experiences comes from many hard experiences and facings suicide as young as 9 years old. Recently a young woman in England sent me a friend request, then her mother.
I wondered about it but got on with life. Then the mother wrote to me and thanked me for helping her daughter. I had no idea what she was talking about, and she told me that he daughter had broken up from the man who she loved and was about to commit suicide, but she went to a depression and anxiety Facebook group that I am on and read something that I wrote to help those on that group and this woman completely changed her mind about killing herself and is now doing well and learning how to cope again.
I learned that being a fake, putting on a facade, false front etc is good for public image and getting votes and feeds the ego, but is completely hopeless and useless in helping people.
○ We are all imperfect, and we will never be perfect. We may be very good at some things, but at others we may not be so good. Thats awesome, because it is in our diversity, our differences, our different feelings likes and dislikes, debates and discussions etc, that are all honest and true that makes us all so amazing and worth knowing. ○ But we can only be happy when we are focusing on what is really important in our lives and that is love (giving and receiving without fear or shame), helping others when we can without wanting anything in return, not being egotistical or selfish, and facing the truth about who and what we have become and having the courage to change that to who we wanted to be and what we wanted to be when young and innocent. These days I am more and more taking risks, loving the interaction with people who want to know me and have found out that the character assassination was a big lie, and I am becoming more the me that I always wanted to be. We all need to do this, be who we really wanted to be before we were changed by others to fit in and be who society or they wanted us to be, Your courage and freedom is in you, take it, be it and live it.
Sep 22, 2017 1:06pm
It makes no difference. Look back 50 years. What they call progress is national debt, rising crime, immorality, domestic violence, white collar crime that is made legal and is protected by law, and the rich getting richer and scratching each others backs and the politicians in their back pockets etc. “they are the reason for the high crime and the pathetic condition of the country”. Voting either of them in is only going to help it escalate and get worse. And since we only really get the options of two fools, then what chance do we have if either is in power, none at all.
The evidence is so plain, obvious and clear (and the public so blind, brainwashed and hopeful) that nothing will change for the better regardless of which political party is in power. They are both completely incompetent and hopeless. Both egotistical leaders who are there for career, money and feathering their own nest for the future, and both are surrounded by weak minded yes people.
All the politicians are polished talkers who don’t walk the walk of their talk.
Neither party is the answer because neither party has the answers.
Both parties “are the problem” and whatever they do will make things much worse. They are both devoted to materialism, the economy, money before the people.
The more needed issues like rising crime, rising mental illness, rising suicides, rising unemployment, rising domestic violence, etc, etc, etc, will not be addressed by either party or any of the smaller parties, because your problems don’t fit into their personal or party agendas. They are all rich, or they will become very rich once in power, that alone will create a huge distance from them and the common folk and they will feed and help all that makes them more wealthy and prosperous in the future.
All around the world in the so-called fair democracy system all these things are escalating out of control and all the public can think of is sports, money, owning this and that, and being entertained. Nothing will change as long as the people let themselves be ruled by fools.
Sep 22, 2017 12:34pm
Same here, so I moved on, don’t miss them now. Just because they are relatives does not mean that they live you or are friends. Find your own family, people who are like you and who will be your tribe 🙂
Sep 16, 2017 9:33pm
About fears, my story 🙂
The hero is within, it always was and always will be, but fear is taught or beaten or abused into us as we travel through life, especially when we are young.
After my ex-wife left in 2004 I would shake with fear when I get the groceries, or when I crossed a bridge, or facing up to people, the trauma of the breakup, the narcissism etc completely threw me into depression and serious anxiety problems.
Now here in 2017 I rush off to alarm activations in businesses and am there before the Police. I walk around schools for security checks at 2am and have no fear of doing it whatsoever. I have faced up to violence since starting my job and don’t back down, I do the best that I can do. If I didn’t do the best that I can do I would not be able to look myself in the mirror or to live with myself.
I had to believe in myself first even though I didn’t believe in myself at all. But I had to believe that it was possible that I could be courageous, able to cope in any situation and in life no matter what challenges I had to face. We need to hope that it will be alright or we won’t try.
Then week after week I tried and pushed, forced, and made myself do all the things that I was afraid off. I took many risks, fell over often,made a fool of myself often, and as this all happened I was often treated badly by people, but I refused to give in and demanded that even if I was scared, shaking and full of anxiety, I was still going to accomplish my goal.
I understood that fears were lies, and I understood that a lot of fear is based on self preserving, or trying to over protect oneself, meaning that people are too frightened of what will happen to them personally so they won’t even try.
I read a lot of books about courage, about trusting God, about amazing deeds that people did at their own risk, and I found out that it was not the length of one’s life that is important, it is what he or she does in that period of time that they are alive. And it is especially important how we make people feel and encourage and love them that is what is more important than the length of our life, so I stopped worrying about dying, and instead went to work creating happiness and helped people cope with their own lives from what I had experienced.
So I decided that I was going to accept that whatever happened happened, and I would do my best to cope with it before it happened and deal with the after affects afterwards. I, over some time, stopped fearing death, I stopped fearing getting hurt, I stopped worrying about what would happen to me out there in the big world and went out and did things.
People who fear life and are afraid to live their dreams are like vegetables, they live, but they have so very little influence on others, and they do so little, achieve so little and die having achieved so very little.
Sep 09, 2017 1:47pm
Tokoroa Day’s link.
The biggest problem is that society is breeding mental weakness and then trying to fix it after the fact, when they need to understand that prevention is better than cure, but in order to do that then we have to stop being capitalists and living in a society based on the dollar and materialism. We need to get back to simple basic family living and simple basics of life.
When the sports team loses the plot and makes many mistakes they go all the way back to the basics of handling the ball, and from there they get real with what works and doesn’t work. Humanity needs to go back to the basics again.
This anxiety, mental illness, suicides, and depression is a direct result of a society that has distanced itself from its natural life as a living part of nature and turned away from its roots, spiritualness etc. Society breeds well educated people who have coping issues, unbalanced emotional issues, mental struggles in a world that the people in mass cannot understand how they are supposed to fit it, or if they are worth anything to anyone or to the world and the most amazing talented wonderful people are subdued by drugs to keep them under control and weak.
The ground in certain places around the world is now soaked in anti-depressants due to people in the masses taking the chemicals and then going to the toilet. The mental health “industry” does not want a cure or else the industry will lose money and customers, so true to the Materialism Dream of Capitalism, money, progress and prosperity, the goal is to satisfy the shareholders and to dupe, addict and spread the drugs as far and wide as possible, and the laws are adjusted to suit the sales of this criminal practice to suit big business. Governments don’t mind because the more drugged that the nation is then the more progress the White Collar Criminals in politics and Big Business can make off the gullible weak minded people.
They have many so-called reasons for depression, but the basic reason is simple, we are living unnaturally and therefore we cannot cope, and so we struggle mentally, physically etc. The mental health system hardly existed 50 years ago, it was just a basic beginning back then, and now it has exploded into a multi-billion dollar industry capitalising on the weakness of the people instead of helping or curing them.
As long as the people sit back and allow themselves to adore money, idols and believe in “the system” that it killing them and their families this will continue.
‘Suicide rates are at a 30-year high, mental disorders are now the second most common cause of disability, having risen sharply since 1980, and prescription drug abuse and overdose deaths have become a public health emergency. While opioid pain killers are among the most lethal, psychiatric drugs also take their toll. In 2013, anti-anxiety benzodiazepine drugs accounted for nearly one-third of prescription overdose deaths.’
And on and on it goes 🙁
Aug 31, 2017 12:01pm
Comment to Anthony Stewart’s post.
This is a terrible news, but an excellent article Tony. The biggest problem is that society is breeding mental weakness and then trying to fix it after the fact, when they need to understand that prevention is better than cure, but in order to do that then we have to stop being capitalists and living in a society based on the dollar and materialism. We need to get back to simple basic family living and simple basics of life.
When the sports team loses the plot and makes many mistakes they go all the way back to the basics of handling the ball, and from there they get real with what works and doesn’t work. Humanity needs to go back to the basics again.
This anxiety, mental illness, suicides, and depression is a direct result of a society that has distanced itself from its natural life as a living part of nature and turned away from its roots, spiritualness etc. Society breeds well educated people who have coping issues, unbalanced emotional issues, mental struggles in a world that the people in mass cannot understand how they are supposed to fit it, or if they are worth anything to anyone or to the world and the most amazing talented wonderful people are subdued by drugs to keep them under control and weak.
The ground in certain places around the world is now soaked in anti-depressants due to people in the masses taking the chemicals and then going to the toilet. The mental health “industry” does not want a cure or else the industry will lose money and customers, so true to the Materialism Dream of Capitalism, money, progress and prosperity, the goal is to satisfy the shareholders and to dupe, addict and spread the drugs as far and wide as possible, and the laws are adjusted to suit the sales of this criminal practice to suit big business. Governments don’t mind because the more drugged that the nation is then the more progress the White Collar Criminals in politics and Big Business can make off the gullible weak minded people.
They have many so-called reasons for depression, but the basic reason is simple, we are living unnaturally and therefore we cannot cope, and so we struggle mentally, physically etc. The mental health system hardly existed 50 years ago, it was just a basic beginning back then, and now it has exploded into a multi-billion dollar industry capitalising on the weakness of the people instead of helping or curing them.
As long as the people sit back and allow themselves to adore money, idols and believe in “the system” that it killing them and their families this will continue.
‘Suicide rates are at a 30-year high, mental disorders are now the second most common cause of disability, having risen sharply since 1980, and prescription drug abuse and overdose deaths have become a public health emergency. While opioid pain killers are among the most lethal, psychiatric drugs also take their toll. In 2013, anti-anxiety benzodiazepine drugs accounted for nearly one-third of prescription overdose deaths.’
And on and on it goes 🙁
Aug 31, 2017 11:57am
What you want done here is to attack the problem “after” it was created. The problem is the society that was created by the Industrial Revolution and what it is based on, and what the goal of today’s society is. Modern society is based on materialism and based of making money. You can’t have it both ways, it is either money makes the world go round or love makes the world go round. They cannot and do not mix as a core base of a society. The core-base of a decent society must be love for one another. ○ If love makes the world go around we will have decent societies, children who are responsible, caring, charitable etc. ○ The results of Materialism are: High Crime. Immorality. Lack of decency. Lack of self respect. Lack of respect for other human beings, animals and the environment. Depression and a high rise of mental illness. Cruelty on all levels. Rise in White Collar Crime. Narcissism in all forms of employment, in the family and political leadership. Disrespectful relationships. Domestic violence and disputes. Single parents. Poverty. Gambling, prostitution, and a very fuzzy understanding of what is good for us and what isn’t. No clear defined lines that separate good and bad anymore. Addictions of many kinds. The need for more and more Police and tougher laws to cater for the growing crime in a society that has lost grips with the basics of life and what is really important. Governments and welfare gaining more and more control of our lives using the excuse of crime to gain those additional “legal powers to protect the people”, in reality they want more power to control us etc. ○ What we need is a change of attitude and the people gathering together with their children and choosing to go back to the basics of life, family, good decent values and starting again. Nothing else can or will change this world. We either choose this or die in a toxic unfulfilling society that only caters for political people, and politicians. ○ Please don’t ever expect your local political people or government to fix this because they are completely dedicated to the cause of this misery, they are dedicated to profit, to materialism and their “important” part in it.
Aug 23, 2017 1:23pm
It is not the thoughts that are so bad as our acceptance of them as truth and then acting on them or allowing ourselves to be tormented by them. We are physical and spiritual creatures of great complexity. Modern science is based on materialism, and because of that they do not cater for the spiritual side of the human being, they claim that “all thoughts” in our mind are our own and they are a judgment of the condition of our mind – this is complete and total rubbish. We have an imagination and our mind can come up with many amazing weird and wonderful things, and also negative and dark thoughts. As a child all that was fed into our minds is what we become as adults. It could be physical or emotional abuses that cause us to become very negative about our lives and we can become sick and very unhappy, and we will continue the torture bestowed upon us by others when we were a child into our adult life. In a good wholesome family of good values and good behaving caring loving parents the child will grow up to be good natured, confident, love life and will happily tackle challenges as an adult. A common cause of negative thoughts as an adult is being emotionally or physically abused as a child. One tends to feel weak, pathetic, unloved, unworthy, unneeded etc as an adult. And we can get into the horrible habit of talking to our own self in the same way that people talked to us as children. We are mentally conditioned by modern society to love and adore our parents for feeding, clothing, and putting a roof over our heads, but they can also be so very damaging for a child’s soul, or they can simply not be there and instead working all the time and we end up in care with people who don’t really give a hoot about us, and these people can be cruel, and also abuse in school by others of our own age etc. If people talk to us in a cruel way we can repeat what they say to us as adults. Statements like, “You are thick, stupid, dumb and I hate you!”, or simply, “Can’t you ever get anything right?”, “What the heck is wrong with you?” and then as an adult we fear challenges because we fear hearing the negative sounding of confirmation in our heads that we are a failure. We can come to see our tormentors as right and knowing that we were a failure from the start. What we don’t realise is that they are the cause of us becoming a failure by constantly planting the seed of failure within our souls. In other cases the child that s always with the parents, over cared for, always given opportunities and the parents make the choices for the child, then as an adult the child-adult cannot cope and fails again and again, and then starts to hate themselves for not having confidence or courage etc. We were preconditioned by others as a child to see ourselves as a failure and as an adult we focus on our few failures, build them up into big miseries (as people did to us as children) and we can really torture ourselves with those negative thoughts in our heads. What happens is that we come to “entertain” those negative thoughts, and we are not mindful of what we say to ourselves, we just let the negatives run wild and we assume that they are the truth, after all, science tells us that those are our thoughts that we think because of who we are. School teaches us to honour authorities, parents, elders, and education and especially the sciences. So we think that if it is in a text book then it must be truth, and who are we, a mentally struggling person, to argue with “the experts’ right! But still, the so-called experts are wrong. What we have to learn is first not to trust the “experts” and second to believe that there is a way out of this. The way out is to recondition your mind. You “listen” carefully to what you say to yourself each and every day. To take control of what is happening in your mind and to do something about it.
Aug 11, 2017 11:12am
It doesn’t exist just another label designed to get money out of you and to keep you paying for it rest of your drugged life.
Jul 23, 2017 11:36pm
When I first did martial arts me and my daughters went. My daughter Rachel and I were hopeless, but my daughter Tracy did very well and the teachers very impressed with her. As times went by I got better and better and the highlight for me in the early days was a fight with the instructor and getting a standing ovation from people visiting, picking up partners and children. Sometimes it takes a while to get used to what you after doing, and after a few weeks it gets better and better. Be stubborn and demand success over your mind and your body. My daughters and I got so good that before classes we were instructing other students far above us in belt ranking how to do kata’s etc, and this was only after a few months of going to martial arts. We would practice at home a lot, and especially before classes.
Jul 22, 2017 6:13pm
It doesn’t matter if a person is famous or not, they can still get depressed. People of today are taught school and work coping skills, but not life coping skills and that is why society fails us. Humans are Physical and Spiritual. Scientists and Education only cater for the physical and mind, not the Spiritual side of human life. They don’t teach instincts, or how to cope with life’s true issues and challenges that don’t involve school work.
Courage and confidence (not arrogance and pride) are increased with a person’s Spiritual Growth.
The classroom is like a laboratory, all learning and growth within its planned development and prepared development is faked and not real, and certainly not “experienced” by the children except for the hands-on controlled environment of classroom (laboratory) teaching. It is not truly random like life is, and the experience is often boring and a struggle. In days of the past children grew up without the protected classroom environment and had to deal with life in the most adventurous and exciting way, no one new what they new day was going to bring, or what the challenges would be or how they would face the challenge. They learned by trial and error, they learned by falling, laughing and getting up again, then trying again. They got hurt, so they tried again, they used a different approach so that they didn’t get hurt again, the results are more confidence and courage. This growth cannot be gained in a classroom (laboratory) and cannot be gained from TV, videos or books, it must be experienced in real life by each child.
The planned prepared approach of the school environment is completely useless in teaching courage and true confidence, and the result is masses of students lacking life’s basic coping skills and abilities to deal with life, and make good life decisions. The Mental Health Industry is completely blind to this fact, they don’t want to know about answers because of the huge profits made from the masses depression, anxiety and coping struggles.
Modern school is to prepare the children for working, not for personal spiritual strength or personal growth. This is where education and society fail children. They grow into adults.
They do extremely dangerous and foolish things like drinking and driving, texting and driving, try all forms of abuses, get addicted to many, and after failure and failure depression and anxiety become the norm in their lives.
From there it is pointless therapy to get them back into the world that drove them crazy while taking chemicals to try to help them cope. The unnatural working world based on economical growth and industry is the complete opposite of the natural life of the human being.
This is why we become depressed. The society we live in in based on the economy, money and material gain, this is very bad for the soul that longs to be free, not constantly struggling and not constantly tired trying to feed the family and trying to get ahead.
Then there is the lifetime of knowing that bills always must be paid, the mortgage paid, the loans paid, and we realise that the false material lifestyle is a constant non-sop struggle. We never get ahead, and we also know deep in the back of our minds that we will never make it, because only the rich get the easy ride, we all struggle, and that keeps depression close to our souls, and it keeps us feeling that we are not good enough, we get anxiety, and we are always wondering if we will ever be good enough. ○ The man in the village in a far away country with so little in the material sense, no money, yet he is so rich in his love for his family, a day in the fields with his children working at his side, fun and games later with the family, a good healthy meal, and snuggled up with his wife in comfort for the rest of the night, he is far richer than anyone is the so-called developed countries where the struggle is real and it will never go away as long as the people are greedy and always trying to fake happiness by downing substances and liquids to dull the mind of the pain of modern society. ○ We breed toxic families in the modern society, we breed narcissists, we breed suffering, discontent, depression, divorce, violence, anxiety, and the blind leaders and created industries that claim to help us tell us to take that pill and it will all be better. Legal drug pushing solves nothing, because the problem is in the way that we live and not in a pretence that we have some chemical imbalance or mental illness. The struggle is the cause of all the misery. You are not to blame if you have depression. All you are trying to do is to cope in an unnatural insane environment, modern society.
Jul 22, 2017 12:11pm
Jul 21, 2017 1:30pm
Commented on Paul Johnson’s post.
The person who feels good about themself and life tends to see a life of opportunities ahead of them. This view is not tainted with cloud, grey or misery.
A person who sees themself as capable will try with far more optimism and success than someone who sees themself as a failure or fool.
Many times people have written to me and told me that something I have written on Facebook stopped them from committing suicide, and from that point on they have found a seed of hope and their life changed.
When a person wants to die he or she is at the lowest they can be, and once a seed of hope is planted in their hearts they start to grow again, and then from that becomes a new belief in life, in themselves and in trying.
○
The society we live in in based on the economy, money and material gain, this is very bad for the soul that longs to be free, not constantly struggling and not constantly tired trying to feed the family and trying to get ahead. Then there is the lifetime of knowing that bills always must be paid, the mortgage paid, the loans paid, and we realise that the false material lifestyle is a constant non-sop struggle. We never get ahead, and we also know deep in the back of our minds that we will never make it, because only the rich get the easy ride, we all struggle, and that keeps depression close to our souls, and it keeps us feeling that we are not good enough, we get anxiety, and we are always wondering if we will ever be good enough.
○
The man in the village in a far away country with so little in the material sense, no money, yet he is so rich in his love for his family, a day in the fields with his children working at his side, fun and games later with the family, a good healthy meal, and snuggled up with his wife in comfort for the rest of the night, he is far richer than anyone is the so-called developed countries where the struggle is real and it will never go away as long as the people are greedy and always trying to fake happiness by downing substances and liquids to dull the mind of the pain of modern society.
○
We breed toxic families in the modern society, we breed narcissists, we breed suffering, discontent, depression, divorce, violence, anxiety, and the blind leaders and created industries that claim to help us tell us to take that pill and it will all be better. legal drug pushing solves nothing, because the problem is in the way that we live and not in a pretence that we have some chemical imbalance or mental illness. The struggle is the cause of all the misery.
Jul 21, 2017 11:34am
Dance baby, get some good music and dance 🙂
Jul 20, 2017 11:33pm
I want to congratulate you for having the courage to share with us, and thank you for this. I appreciate what you said so much, tears were apart of the experience of listening to your video, some for joy and a few memories rushing to the front. You reminded me of a memory I have as a child, a terrible thing, and extremely frightening for a little boy. I forgot about this recently and have just remembered, and the magic and joy I get from remembering is that I forgot about the reasons for me being who I am. When we have a harsh toxic childhood we can grow up and self blame (often because so many blamed us for their failings) and see ourselves as weak and not able to cope through our own inability to be worthy etc. The video reminded me that I too had suffered what little children should not suffer and I need to remember that it was not normal, not useful, not something that brings forth a confident courageous child, but instead a shy nervous unconfident person with coping issues. Some years back I shared the basic telling of my life story with some friends, a husband and wife, and the husband said to me he was amazed that i was not insane from it all. I was surprised at his comment, and it opened my mind up to how crazy, and maddening my childhood really was, and how weird and sick my parents were. We tend to, as a defence system, normalize our toxic abusive childhood and pretend in our child heads and later on as adults that it was “just our family” and not a real bad thing at all. The real disturbing thing is that I didn’t tell these two friends about the really bad things that happened 🙁 I thank you Kat Heydon, from one survivor to another. take care. You are awesome and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Jul 20, 2017 11:31pm
Some people say to me that I help them, and I say to them that they help me, and then I say that we all help each other because we are all in life together, so we may as well share and help each other along the way 🙂 The least that we can do is to be the best that we can be for ourselves and for others. Love makes the world go around far more peacefully and happily than money ever did.
Jul 20, 2017 10:15pm
That is wise in many ways. I have lots of friends on Facebook, but I didn’t sign them up. I started writing about my toxic parents, the hell I went through and how I became a different person from it all. Also how I cut them out of my life and then healed myself while forgiving them and learning how to cope, work, get over anxiety and depression, and learn to live again, but this time as a free soul. What I discovered the most is that narcissist is a world wide issue that is extremely toxic and that is why so many people want to find answers to escape the madness put on the kind souls by the emotional predators.
Jul 20, 2017 8:57pm
It is like a clean out. On Facebook about once or twice a year I recommend on my Facebook wall for people to have a good look at their life at this point and get rid of the garbage, people who are there but are more trouble than they are worth etc.
Jul 20, 2017 8:39pm
My mother was the problem.
Jul 20, 2017 7:04pm
I haven’t spoken to my father since the 1980’s and I never regretted it at all. We are total opposites and I don’t miss him in the slightest. Best thing I ever did was departing from the family members who are toxic to my life and happiness. Excellent suggestion David, trim off the fat 🙂
Jul 20, 2017 3:45pm
One of the great social myths of today is that all blood family is good for you, especially parents. I wrote an article about this a few years back and it was on the subject that all bad people, criminals, narcissists, dictators, child molesters etc all came from “a family unit”, and so there is positive clear cut definite proof that family breeds some bad and evil people. Hitler and Charles Manson all came from a family.
While young, Hitler was taught hate by his father who abused him and probably he was abused by other people. Did Charles Manson’s mother or family members know that the cute kid playing at school was going to grow into a notorious murderer? Of course not. In every family there will be good and bad people to some degree, and yet some families have nothing but bad people or criminals and some the most amazing good people. The Mother’s Day Myth and the Father’s Day Myth are traditions that teach children to love and adore their parents who may or may not deserve praise and love.
But to have a day where they are all celebrated is giving a very bad message to children. As a parent it is a nice thing for people to celebrate my role in their life, but all year around kindness is enough. Our society gives the wrong messages about family and pushes guilt on children who are being abused or mi-treated by parents. Family is not the greatest thing in your life. ○ Those who are the greatest people for you are those who you choose to have in your life. If you walk away from parents, brothers and sister because they don’t fit your lifestyle or beliefs then go, be very happy and glad about it. There is no guilt to feel or worries to have. Please don’t feel guilty about your parents feeding and clothing you over the years, that is a requirement of society.
Many children is some bad homes live in rich or middle class homes and wear the nicest clothing around, and yet when home behind doors they live lives of misery. Please choose your family, choose your life, discard those who cause you misery, you have that right to do that and you don’t ned to feel any guilt for it. Should you change your mind in ten years then you do. We humans adapt, change, adjust, readjust and move in all directions, please don’t ever worry about the past. Move forward taking with those who are a true value to you and your life, and leave behind those whoa re not of value. They will have their place together with themselves. Finding your own true people is the most rewarding and courageous thing that anyone could ever do.
Jul 20, 2017 3:23pm
It’s more peaceful that way. Life is easier, simpler and more fun with out the family who are not on the same level as you are.
Jul 20, 2017 12:26pm
Family who I don’t very on with I am very happy to let go. Let go of sentiment, think of how miserable you are with them and move on. Choose your own people, people who want to see you bloom, grow, become confident and courageous, people who are not jealous but who want the very best for you.
Jul 20, 2017 11:44am
You don’t get to choose your family, and that’s no problem. The wisdom is discarding those who look down on you and choosing your own Spiritual Family, people who are like minded, who have the same fun, same dreams, same desires, same vision, your tribe your people.
Jul 20, 2017 11:38am
What he is saying is because of how he is feeling about his life. He wants somewhere to throw his bad feelings and insecurities, and if you will wear his negative comments without much argument he will keep giving them. What we allow in our lives we will get.
Jul 18, 2017 3:29pm
Commented on SAFE’s photo.
We live in a society that was created by capitalists. There are many industries that were created from the Industrial Revolution. The Cosmetic Industry. The Mental Health Industry. The Hunting Industry. The Meat Industry and on and on it goes. All were created with the goal of creating jobs so that a few people could become very rich which the masses worked for low pay for them.
The masses having been born into this society is taught all through the years that all these industries are a must, we need them to survive, and such. A child immersed into these beliefs will see completely nothing wrong with the mass slaughter of animals, why should they, every one eats meat, don’t they.
The governments as they are today were formed to control the masses with the blind belief that they work for the people, they don’t. They work for the rich and they are in the rich people’s back pocket, and easily controlled. This allows the rich the control that they need to keep their business rolling and pumping in cash constantly. If something goes wrong financially, no need to panic, the government uses the tax-payers hard working tax money to bail out the big business.
All the political parties in New Zealand and elsewhere are in the pocket of Big Business, and the government uses the word “economy” to make the people think that the government is working for the common family, and the people are duped into believing that voting gives them a say, it doesn’t at all, because both National and Labour are controlled by Big Business. What we really want doesn’t count, and that is why we are swamped with sports, TV, movies and entertainments of all sorts, including the immoral sex industry (there goes that word again), these are here to keep the public interested in unimportant things like the All Blacks while the government is allowing White Collar Crime to do bad things.
As long as the people are fighting race-issues and other issues invented so the people will concentrate on each other and not the real problem in parliament in Big Business. All these distractions keep Joe Public and his family blind to what is really going on and completely submissive to the government who they blindly think are doing a great job for the people, business and the economy.
We are taught that slaving away in debt for all these years will actually accomplish a lot for us, it really doesn’t. And anyway, the only thing that money can buy is material things, our other needs are largely ignored. This leads to depression, anxiety etc and that leads to more progressive growth in the mental health industry and the chemical drug industries.
We are taught that slaving away is a good thing, killing animals for sport is “fun” and something that we should often partake in “for the good of the industry” etc.
Years ago I was listening to a radio station and they talked about the great cheese and dairy advertisements on TV. They stated that we could live without these things and be completely healthy, and the 5+ a day of fruit, all of this was invented because those industries were failing to sell and they needed money, so the government under the control of the industries that were suffering put together so called health advertising for the good of the people, and millions were sucked into the plan and bought the products. I remember seeing the 5 a Day posters and stickers around schools, everyone was sucked in and bought the lie.
Many people have gone on about me needing meat for energy, and I always say then why is it I can ride 20km 3 times a day, and can beat many teenagers cycling? And they have no answer because they know my local reputation for cycling.
The reasons that these injustices exist is because they are the so-called precious industries that keep our “economy” rolling along smoothly and “keep you in work (slavery)” and all of this is “for your own good!”
Ask yourself, why do the so-called health campaigns work perfectly and yet the Drinking and Driving Campaigns don’t, and neither do the Stop Texting and Driving campaigns?
All is not fair in a world where the people we are supposed to trust have our best health put last and industry first.
If you die it i no problem because Joe Public and his wife will run to replace the dead worker, all are eager to make those precious dollar and put their own flesh and blood last.
Why does the government keep lowering the drinking age and allowing synthetic drugs to be legally sold and other dubious deals? Because all of these makes money for those who are rich and rub shoulders with the puppet politicians.
Jul 17, 2017 12:15am
In a narcissist environment, for instance narcissist parents and other adults of the same mentally ill thinking, a child becomes very unconfident, has serious self-doubts, and is desperate for the love that the child is not getting. Love is a need for a child to help the child grow into a competent adult. When this child becomes an adult he or she is struggling to cope and struggles to act as he or she should do in a relationship. If the victim of the narcissist/s has been taught or forced to be submissive then as an adult then he or she unconsciously looks for another adult to look after them. As an adult, the desire for help becomes very strong. Some cope by becoming very mean, arrogant, forceful and are bullies, this becomes their defence system to protect the hurt inner-child that was bullied as a child. But in doing so they create unintentionally other victims like themselves, or they spread much misery wherever they go. The harsh reality is that this person needs to understand that his or her past is not their fault, even the stupid, bad and dumb mean things that he or she did.
Why? Because if this person had been brought up in a decent loving home then hr or she would have been an honourable, responsible person with strong confidence and courage and able to cope in life. As a confident person then he or she would have been kind, charitable, caring and good all those years, instead of being badly behaved. When we understand our past this way we can see that what happened to us was not good, it was harsh, toxic and it poisoned our future so that we would live a long slow death of misery and unhappiness, or some would commit suicide.
We are not to blame for what we did up to the point of our awakening, our discovery and want to change, repentance, a strong feeling of regret for past actions and a desire to become new and a better person. Today the easy path for the mental health industry is to offer the victims of such an upbringing, anti-depressants and the like. The result is people who will always be needing mental health treatment from those who support the toxic mental health industry. Once used to the drugs they are put on they will defend the usage of the drugs (for fear of having to live without them) and they will stand strong and firm with the labels they have been tagged with by some conforming “expert” who has brought the chemical lie and lives by it. I am on many mental health groups, and have observed very sadly that the victims of this toxic society and mental health industry hold up their labels as if they are something that is an excuse for their not being able to cope in an unnatural society, and as a label to be proud of and stick with because they believe that it defines then and explains who they are and what they are. This is extremely sad because they will never be cured with these comfort zone views. To win a war one must step out of one’s comfort zone and fight in the trenches. To accept defeat is to die defeated and never having achieved what he or she was capable of being and doing. There in one reason why drugs, therapy and the health industry cannot help those suffering from a toxic society, and that is because they are all part of the toxic society. And the work in mental health is to make the poor miserable soul well enough to go back to what hurt he or she in the first place.
The modern society is a result of the Industrial Revolution and industry, factories, cities, commerce and the economy etc are all unnatural to the human animal that cannot adapt to what is toxic.
We are all the losers in this world designed to make money and care little for the poor and needing, the mentally ill etc.
Humans are spiritual and a living part of nature, we are at one with the t4rees, grass, animals and such, this is our true home and our true life.
We were not created to slave away to make money so someone else is always rich and we are always owing money, this is toxic living and it is killing the masses daily, yet the hunger for career, money and personal gain is so far embedded into the human soul people cannot see what is happening to them anymore or what destruction we are doing to our own home the humble planet we live on. Probably for many depression is a result of our minds, spirits and bodies screaming to us that we are living an unnatural lifestyle that s slowly killing us.
Jul 14, 2017 12:42pm
Ruth. That happened to me. Divorce, deep dark depression, 4 children to care for, and the wife moved out leaving us deep in dept. I didn’t get therapy or medication. I was very stubborn prayed a lot, kept busy and tried to stay focused on at that was truly important. You can do this. All that you need is already with you. One thing that helped me was 11 km country walks. It gave me time to think, get some fitness, time away from others, enjoy nature, and focus on what is really important in life. I took a notebook with me and wrote down thoughts too. It was an interesting, enlightening experience.
Jul 13, 2017 10:56pm
That is what depression is about. Depression has us thinking that there is no hope for us and no future happiness. But depression is a lie, because as long as we are alive we can try, and life will get better as long as we have hope and do the best that we can be with the right people.
Jul 04, 2017 12:35pm
What happened to you is a reflection of them, their weaknesses and their weak characters and lack of love for you. This is not a reflection in any way of who you are, who you can be, and who you will be in the future, so please, rise up from the flames of dismay and fly high and above this, because none of this is you, all of what happened is them and the shame is all they come away from this with.
Jul 02, 2017 10:16am
Your courage is an inspiration. I hope it all went well for you and “you had a good time” just being you. You have our best wishes and prayers. Take care, you deserve to be happy.
Jul 02, 2017 9:08am
Greens are a natural food, chicken is food caused by the death of an animal. Something had to face death, be terrified, scared, face anxiety as it smells the death of its own kind in the factory before it was murdered for your dinner. You talk about anxiety and depression and yet you see nothing wrong in allowing it in another creature. Maybe the reason you have anxiety and depression is your lack of empathy for others?
Jul 01, 2017 12:31pm
Yes, and that very nearly killed me. I have not been in a relationship since then. That was back in 2004.
Jun 26, 2017 12:49am
Your anxiety can be a huge blessing to others though if you share your journey and how you got out and became free again. The best person to help you is not a established educated therapist, it is a person who knows what it feels like to be depressed and face anxiety at some time in his or her past and can share with you with love and empathy how to free again.
Jun 26, 2017 12:27am
Nature is a wonderful medicine. 🙂
Jun 26, 2017 12:20am
Good on you. Thats the way. And please don’t forget to encourage yourself, push yourself, but always be there for yourself. The road is tough for sure, but the rewards are so much better. You can do this. (I was never on meds, just me and my God, no therapists, and one hell of a hard road to travel, but I got there in the end)
Jun 25, 2017 9:55pm
Yes, being reborn. You were brought up by a toxic materialistic society that puts money and material gain before people and love. That caused you to become depressed and unhappy. To become happy we need to start again as an adult. To do this we need to face the past and see how people and society really affected our lives. We need to toss out all old beliefs and start again, there is no good reason to cling to the beliefs that cause us depression now is there! Then we start learning again, and the difference is that this time we grow in confidence and courage. This new confidence and courage makes us adults who are capable, and can cope with the unknown challenges and life.
Jun 24, 2017 11:32pm
No, only going forward is to where progress is. Whatever has made you feel this way came from somewhere in the past. To go forward is to overcome it and it will never happen again.
Jun 24, 2017 9:13pm
I had this problem back in the days gone by. But what I did was make myself do what I was too tired to do. I kept saying, “Do it now!” and I would go do it even though I had to drag myself to do it. I found out that a lot of the tiredness was in my mind, not in my real self.
Jun 24, 2017 8:13pm
Me too. There is a religious saying that we are in the world, but not of the world. What I mean by this is that you can be around such people physically, but not with them spiritually.
Jun 24, 2017 8:10pm
I read a story about a boy who was blind. He went through his life with his mother looking after him, and he loved her so much for her patience and love that she gave him. When he had an operation that gave him sight he saw his old mothers old wrinkled face, and he said that she was the most beautiful person in the world. This is because he loved her heart, not her looks. If people judge you by your looks then they have no heart for people, and you should have no room for them in your life.
Jun 24, 2017 8:09pm
C’mon folks, no one is ugly, not a soul. I remember a few years ago looking at a photo of Mother Teresa and she was covered in wrinkles and her smile was beautiful because her heart was beautiful. What you are doing if you think that you are ugly is following the toxic guidance of a society that makes money off people’s insecurities, so they created the fake image of beauty and then told us that we must all look like Barbie and Ken. Take care people, respect yourselves and know that the people who call us ugly are really showing their own weaknesses because they have to hurt people to make themselves feel good, and that is how sad and toxic their own souls are. Be at peace with your looks and your body. You are who you are, learn to be comfortable with yourself and you will love life so much more.
Jun 24, 2017 8:02pm
Thats the thing we need all people to learn, because none of us ever chose to suffer deliberately. But it is those who cannot cope with what we are going through that cannot help us and we need to depart such lost unhelpful people, even if they are family. Our own people are those who fit our life in a helpful encouraging way. I just don’t allow those who are unhelpful to have any of my time anymore. My life neds my love and self respect, so in order to respect myself I need to distance myself from those who don’t respect me.
Jun 24, 2017 7:57pm
• In the garden I see lots of love, It shines as a miracle from above, I stare at the delight of natures glow, And I feel the love inside me grow! ♥
Jun 24, 2017 7:51pm
What is “normal”. If what you think is normal is a person who cannot understand you then you are wrong. If they were normal then they would have empathy, love, they would desire to help and to encourage you. Please don’t stress over those who don’t understand, the depression they give is just not worth it. Spent your time encouraging yourself.
Jun 24, 2017 7:49pm
Take care George Mahan, in all the thoughts and struggles you many of us can relate and can sympathise because we have felt the same at sometime in our past. I had times just like that, times I wouldn’t look in the mirror, but now it is no problem. Thanks for posting this because you have seen the great understanding that many or most of us have for your feelings and situation, we are here to help.
Jun 24, 2017 7:34pm
“Normal” is a word that is used by people who assume (wrongly) that they are normal, and in this false belief they believe that they have the right to call other people who don’t believe what they do or act as they do, as abnormal and “needing help” so that they can become “normal” like the so called “experts”.
Jun 17, 2017 9:17pm
You are normal, you are just having some struggles.
Jun 17, 2017 8:51pm
Sometimes it is an answer to prayer. Happens to me often. Maybe a verse, the song title or the meaning of the song has some kind of connection with what I am currently going through.
Jun 17, 2017 12:51pm
It’s all about traveling life side by side with like-minded people.
Jun 17, 2017 12:49pm
I learned years ago when no one would wish me happy birthday that it was all good to shout myself my own happy birthday 🙂 Have an awesome day!
Jun 17, 2017 12:40pm
You got this! Enjoy your success 🙂
Jun 17, 2017 4:01am
The abusive toxic past is not you, it is history. And you showed this by making your dream come true regardless of the past 🙂
Jun 17, 2017 3:44am
You deserve it. Take care!
Jun 08, 2017 9:39am
Mark, that was me some years back. The thing is that we maybe not able to choose our situations, but we can choose how we react to it, and whether we make the best of whatever situation we are in or the worst. I know loneliness on a very deep level, when no one calls on my birthday, no one comes at Christmastime, not even a card or visitor. Not that long ago I was invited to a renewing of vows ceremony, and they promised to pick me up. I had made the cards for the wedding as a gift. On the day I was left sitting on a chair at home in my suit and no one came and got me. So I missed out. That really hurt and was not too good for my confidence. But I got changed after a few hours of waiting and did some stuff around the house forgetting the event as I enjoyed the rest of my day. As a child I was not considered worthy to be picked for school sports teams and team captains would argue who would be the the team that would get “the loser’. Sometimes I would be told to take a seat and they refused to play me. It was deeply humiliating, and I felt very ashamed as a child for things that I had completely no control over at all. I am not asking for anyone to feel sorry for me, but what I am doing is showing you that there is hope for us all, and if this “loser” can rise up after losing so much then so can anyone else. Don’t fear being alone. Instead embrace it and use it to your best advantage. When the right one comes along to fill the gap you will be a better happier and more natural version of who you were in the past. You will do fine on your own for a while. Please don’t let it get you down. Enjoy your life, find yourself, read, learn, remove baggage, heal. Its all good (although today it may not feel so), it gets better, much better.
Jun 08, 2017 9:32am
I used to fear loneliness, feel sad and unwanted, but eventually I started to learn to enjoy my own company, I became closer to myself, I was able to understand myself better. I cried many a tear in these times, but I stopped fearing loneliness and now enjoy alone time. You are awesome. Please take this wonderful opportunity to get to know you. Find out your likes and dislikes, learn about yourself and what really makes you tick. This is a good soul cleansing time for you. An opportunity to remove past baggage, to get real with yourself, to learn and grow spiritually.
Jun 08, 2017 8:50am
Oh how I understand that Jill. The same thing happened with my children. One of my children refuses to forgive me for my staying with the ex-wife for so long. But I was suffering depression, anxiety and feared being alone, it was very hard on us all. Due to my staying my children suffered a lot and they saw me suffer a lot. It was amazing how they saw the same situation differently. One saw me as a fool who allowed it to happen, and the others saw me as someone trying to do the right thing, being emotional and abused by a narcissist, and a victim.
Like you, I thought that I was doing the right thing. Looking back I can see all the things that I should have done, the best steps, when I should have left, and how brave I should have been. But I didn’t do any of those things and I have paid for them for many years, and there is also my own self guilt and feeling that I failed my children.
I am so much the wiser for what happened, but sadly I had to live it to learn. I had to fail and fall to become more knowledgable, and know what to do.
Part of the reason’s for my being able to write about these things on such a personal level is the hell that I experienced and I can help people not to do what I did.
Jun 03, 2017 12:06pm
Thinking about loneliness and wanting a woman is what I stopped myself from doing because all it did was make me miserable. I have never been attractive to women. Now I am by myself, but not lonely. I learned to like my own company and set forth to improve myself and my life. If a woman enters my life and she is genuine then that is fine. If not, that is fine too. We are naturally looking for love, but it is not an addiction, it is not something that should make us miserable. There are good and bad women. That is life. Do the things that you want to do. Get used to filling your time with activities you always wanted to try. Learn, grow, be useful in the community. By being more confident you will not be abused or used by the next romance when it happens.
May 29, 2017 9:26am
You just keep on improving your own life, becoming the best that you can be. I have been without a woman since 2004. I have no regrets being single. I look forward to marriage if it ever happens, but if it doesn’t I am still happy. Just do what you can for your health and growth for now. Please don’t worry about being lonely, just get used to your own company and you will find that some day someone will enter your life.
May 29, 2017 8:29am
God did not create this industrial social money devoted system that we call democracy, this was designed for people to become willing workers and educated in whatever career they chose. This is not something God designed out wanted for us. If God did not design this society then it is not a natural existence for the human soul. This brings on struggles, anxiety, depression and never feeling at peace or in harmony in this modern society. One of the biggest industry growth success stories is the huge growth in the mental illness industry. This growth itself is positive proof that this society is not good or healthy for our minds, body and souls. God is not to blame. And that makes God our perfect source of unconditional love and help.
May 27, 2017 10:49am
Depression and anxiety are walls that keep us from spiritual growth with Christ. Anything that is a negative feeling of thought will cloud out the positive. We know that God is love and that God will only do what is right for us, but God needs us to listen, and we cannot do that if our mind is caught up with turmoil and struggling. I do remember that when I was a new Christian I was suffering severe depression with no one to help or support me. I became positive because I knew that the great loving caring parental God was with me daily helping me through this depression and anxiety that the selfish cold material world had given me. Even when bad times came and frightening situations appeared I prayed to God before through and after them, fully putting my life in God’s hands with each new experience. It was very hard, but I am a more genuine person from all that I went through. And I can sympathize and help others where I once struggled. Believe with all your heart and soul that God wants you fixed, confident and courageous able to cope and happy.
May 27, 2017 10:33am
There is nothing wrong with improving the soul and learning more about yourself, life and happiness.
May 26, 2017 7:25pm
Medication sucks. Never used it myself even in my darkest hours. Hope came to me in many ways. One was remembering good times and knowing that good times can happen again. Watching others, seeing them happy and knowing that I can be too. Coming to an understanding that “I am not to blame for the bad treatment tossed on me by adults when I was young, and how they destroyed my confidence and never allowed my courage to grow” If you feel depressed and have anxiety etc, it is because of the outside influences (from others) that created a weak foundation below you. They stopped you from being confident and courageous, and didn’t allow you to grow into the well developed person that you should have been. Give yourself a chance. Help yourself to grow and develop. Be gentle on yourself, but also get tough on yourself as you push yourself to become a better person who you can love, respect and be proud of.
May 25, 2017 9:54am
I love what you wrote here. I have found many people who state that they follow God but they have no true depths to their belief, and some of them were sadly church leaders etc.
I was terrified of being a weird religious nut with no true real relationship with God, it worried me a lot that I was to love and worship God, but God would do nothing for me. Relationships go both ways, so I wanting to see God truthfully in my life, and one day I had a long one-sided discussion where I laid my feelings out bare to God, and said that I refused to follow a pen and paper God who was not active in the world. Many times I was on the floor in tears, just crying for a long time, and doing this while in prayer trying to come to grips with life, the past and my future with God.
At the time I found God I was suffering depression and other issues, debts, and my ex-wife had just left me and our 4 children. I probably couldn’t have been more desperate in my life. But of course this is the most perfect time for God to pick me up and dust me off and set me on the right path of God’s choosing.
This all happened before I read the Bible properly, heard the doctrines, or went to church. I was a full believer before any of that.
As time went by I went to church., learned about the Bible, read it, learned the worlds views of God (oh how confusing), and then set about find more about God in my daily life. And I saw miracle after miracle, lives changed, my life changed, and I saw God very active in my life every day, in many many ways.
I noticed that atheists saw “luck” instead of a miracle. You can imagine that if God were to chastise an atheist he or she would simply call it bad luck and do whatever wrong they did all over again, never getting the true connection between God and Satan and how they are active in our lives. The blind leading the blind.
I had many tantrums, many fits, much misunderstanding, many arguments, and yet God never left my side. I was chastised, rewarded, went through some extremely hard times, and of course struggled to understand what was happening and argued through it all.
I like that you said about saying thank you. How very precocious and understanding.
Possibly when we have a tantrum we are just doing things the old way and not remembering that we should be instead in rock steady faith.
God has clearly Blessed you and it is a blessing to all of us that you share. Thanks for being so encouraging too 🙂
May 08, 2017 11:12am
Commented on Tiffany Flowers’s photo.
May 07, 2017 6:37pm
Depression makes us see life through dark grey glasses and the bright sunshine is clouded out.
If we take note of what we think then we can defeat depression by overtaking the negative thoughts and replacing them with far better encouraging thoughts.
May 07, 2017 6:33pm
One of the joys of life is learning to love being alone and enjoying your own company. Once that happens a person has no loneliness insecurity and just gets on with life. If people want to enter his or her life then that is fine and if they walk away that is fine too.
Sure it is sad when people leave, but there is no validating ourselves if people like us or not anymore, we just do our own thing with the people who want to show up.
And if no one shows up then that is fine, we still do our own thing.
You see, life is how we react to it. If people don’t want to be in our life during a period of time then we can be insecure, believe that we are of less value because we have no close friends etc, or we can just get on with what it is that we want to do, do it well and have some very genuine awesome fun by ourselves. I do this all the time. I have been alone for years.
Group: Anxiety and Depression Support
Apr 29, 2017 6:43am
Good on you. You are needed.
Apr 29, 2017 5:11am
It can be seen also as an opportunity for you to learn to cope in such a situation. Without the situation you would not be able to improve. Depression and anxiety are only temporary, they are not permanent (besides what some in the medical profession want you to believe). Everyday is a new opportunity for you to learn to cope. Take your opportunities gratefully and see your work as an experiment that will eventually lead you to a new level of confidence and courage.
Apr 29, 2017 5:10am
Something will come your way that you like. Life is like that.
Apr 29, 2017 5:05am
Something will come up. Meanwhile be the best that you can be 🙂
Apr 29, 2017 5:04am
Very inventive. Awesome work.
Apr 29, 2017 5:00am
Something will come up. Please keep faith.
Apr 28, 2017 8:07pm
I was as well for a number of years as a single dad. This is the most worthy job of all.
Apr 28, 2017 8:01pm
Congratulations, babies are a wonder and blessing. Take care.
Apr 28, 2017 2:48pm
Being alone is good, because it helps us find ourselves. If we stop thinking of love and new relationships then we can think about our own life, what we value, who we are, and what a toxic society has made us into. Once we get more of an idea of what we want, and set some strong boundaries that we refuse to cross over then we can venture out more, feeling more capable and more confidence of our choices and trust our own gut instincts etc. Courage and confidence come with time.
Apr 17, 2017 10:40am
That is what I have found with woman. They just want a fling and then go on their way. Not for me, I would rather be alone than be used like that. Modern times, modern thinking, low values.
Apr 17, 2017 10:36am
Gee thanks 🙂 Sometimes I see what people post and the moment I read it my own memories of the same thing come back and my eyes fill with tears with the emotional drowning feeling of the experience, and then sadness that someone else is dealing with it too. (No one can see our tears behind a computer screen thankfully.) And then I try to help. I never got help from anyone much, so I try to help, to make a difference and to give help that may just save a life and bring back hope and a new beginning for some one. Anxiety and Depression Support (to me) is about saving people, and making warriors of victims, and healers out of the suffering, and new beginnings from those who were once depressed and other issues. People think that power is money or a title, but true power is binging people back from dying spiritually and helping them start over again with a new beginning, a new life that they never thought that they could ever have. That is power. 🙂
Apr 16, 2017 10:34pm
Apr 16, 2017 9:33pm
My pleasure. These are words that I would have loved to have heard years ago when I was a teenager, so I am sure that some here would like to read them as well.
Apr 16, 2017 9:50am
This is stunningly true, seen it, lived it, and they still find something to put me down with. So I return it all with a smile 😉
Apr 15, 2017 11:38pm
The thing that caused the trouble must go before you will ever have a good relationship again. What I did was pray to God for a good decent wife. Then it clicked to me that I was part of the reason for my ex-wife and my split up. So instead I prayed for a wife who would be equal to me, and then I set about for years making myself the best person that I can be so that I would deserve my wife instead of destroy the life of a good woman. Whether you are religious or not, I am sure you can see the sense in being the best that you can be for her.
Apr 15, 2017 6:01pm
I am currently writing replied to help people on various depression and anxiety groups and there is a lot of painful lost people out there who are right on the verge of suicide and the social system is letting them down big time.
Going through the cries for help, the tears, the sorrow, the people saying that they are about to commit suicide, or are afraid to leave their room, or are addicted etc, it is very sad, and this is many many people. And they have no where to turn to because the drugs and therapy are not working for them.
Apr 15, 2017 4:18pm
No true at all. Some people have a permanent bad attitude to anyone. Narcissists are a good example. They are nasty and it has nothing to do with you.
Apr 15, 2017 2:37pm
I have spoken those very same words myself and felt that very same agonizing feeling about myself. In time you will discover a new you, someone you can depend on, someone you will respect and enjoy being with. Please remember this, that what you are feeling and hearing in your head is simply a reaction to what you are going through right now. Just because you have these thoughts in your mind “Does Not Make Them True!” Negative thoughts feed on negative thoughts, so you need to break the cycle and let in thoughts of hope, love, and positiveness come through to drown out the negatives. What is true is that you are a human being, born with a purpose and strong enough to get through anything. The good times will come, I know because I was once where you are and I am not special, I am not different or more capable or more worthy. I felt just as you do, but I don’t feel that way today. I just had to get through it and come out the other side of gloom shining and full of hope – you will too. Give yourself a chance, and start a new with the knowledge that many people have been through this and succeeded and you are not different from any of us. You will make it! This must be doe in your time. But the sooner you start, the sooner you will rise above it all.
Apr 15, 2017 9:30am
Please be encouraged. You are strong enough, you are able, you are worthy. The stronger you become the more chance you will have of true love that you will deserve. Have faith. Like all of us, your time of true love will if you are willing to have hope and are ready to receive it. No one was born to be alone, it may just feel like that sometimes.
Apr 15, 2017 9:21am
Thanks Eric. I like to say that “Life gets better, when we get better!”
Apr 15, 2017 9:13am
If that were the case I would have no hope at all 🙂 You are fine. Be easy on yourself. Keep a good heart because the one that you fall in love with in the future will want someone who has a good heart full of giving and hope. I know many people who finally got their act together, got rid of old romance baggage, and then fell in love and stayed that way living the dream in their own Garden of Eden. True love is for us all. Your turn will come and you will see that is is far more than what the past presented to you. While you are waiting just make yourself the best that you can be.
Apr 15, 2017 9:11am
It is nice to be able to recognise true love, and it will come to everyone. Please don’t fear or worry about love, it will come.
We all have someone out of the billions on earth who will really appreciate us. So please don’t panic or worry about it.
You are worthy, and you will be rewarded for your patience and courage. ○ Our feelings of insecurity and societies demands that without someone we are unworthy plays on our minds when times are tough and we are alone. But a person is not validated by someone else, and a person can live happily alone for the rest of their lives. When I had serious depression and anxiety issues I felt very alone, very rejected and that it was hopeless that anyone would ever love me again. Feeling depressed and anxious has us feeling weak and wanting to be helped, loved and protected. But what I discovered was that over a period of time that I got used to being alone with myself and got used to enjoying my own company.
This removed all feelings of needing someone to validate me or to talk to or have around. This also removed all feelings of anxiety and feeling insecure about living on my own. It was tough at first but the rewards are a stronger more self efficient courageous person. Now if I fall in love I will not be desperate for her love. I will not be easily manipulated (because I will be able to sit back and really think about her and not rush in foolishly just to get hurt again). Her love will be nice, appreciated if it is love, but I need to be aware that some don’t give love without a price attached to it. A reason for sexual self control and waiting is because people can trick us with good sex, and we become in love with the sex without even having a clue about the person’s real true character. If we are sexually weak then we are an easy victim for someone who uses their body to seduce people to use them. They know all the right words, the right moves, and what makes someone very satisfied in bed, but they have talons that run deep into the soul and they will clasp them around the unsuspecting heart to bleed them dry.
Apr 15, 2017 8:59am
Might be time to try to find out, more abut you, who you are, what life means for you and what values you have etc. After my ex-wife and I split up for the second and the last time, I was struggling with suicidal thoughts, self hate, and all sorts. But I finally got used to the idea that i was going to be alone for a long time (She left me and our 4 children so I was bringing them up as well). That was back in 2004 and I am still alone, children have all left home, and yet I am far more confident and feel far more capable with life now. I tried to get back with ex but she came to dislike me a lot, so it was obvious that it was not going to work. The weird thing was that the longer we were apart I was finally able to discover that I didn’t want her half as much as I thought that I did, and that I was much more happier discovering myself, removing past baggage and healing my soul as life progresses. One thing about depression is that once we heal our views, ideas and thoughts become much different and many of the people and things that we thought were important in the past are not important anymore, and we move on to far better things and a more happier lifestyle. Things will get better, you will see. You will get better, become stronger. Have faith in you.
Apr 13, 2017 3:23pm
Very true. Our own thoughts can be so devastating, when in reality they should be encouraging.
Apr 13, 2017 2:56pm
I hope you feel better as the day progresses. Life can be like that, but please remember it is like that for us all at some stage and as president Lincoln would say, “This too will pass”. A good thing to try is to do something that will activate your mind on a different path that is something more positive. Once your mind gets involved in that you will feel better, useful etc. I paint with acrylics, play the guitar, and made positive images for the Internet to name a few things to know out the bad thoughts and feelings and replace them with something else. Anything that makes you concentrate on something else is very good for a mood change.
Apr 13, 2017 1:27pm
In High School the pretty girls, or what I thought were the cute girls went for the hoods. I remember my friends, the nice guys who would take girlfriends out and respect them were all single. While the guys that slept with them and dumped them would have two girlfriends at once. It made me sad and at the same time amazed me how gullible females could be. But I found out as the years went on that those females wanted guys like that because they wanted fast fun sex with no real attachments. This is an example of both females and males in a society based on materialism and beyond “self orientated”. Doing things for fun and not wanting to be responsible for what they had done etc.
Apr 08, 2017 6:26pm
That had been something that is my whole life 🙂 They always made me nervous, and I would say something stupid or goofy, drop something and make a fool of myself. Often they would go with the other guy, someone cool etc. I have been single for years, but not because of my shyness etc, but because I have been getting my act into gear. Removing garbage from the past. And rediscovering myself, confidence and courage. These days I may still be a bit nervous around women but it does not bother me much anymore because they don’t bother me that much anymore. I stopped looking for a woman years ago and will let it happen when it does. Taking that stress out of my life had made a huge difference. I don’t need to impress anyone, no urge to show off, no desperate need for companionship, relationship etc.
Apr 08, 2017 3:31pm
Commented on Neddy Esquivel’s post.
Ah, so many of us know what you mean. Depression, so overpowering and yet it really has no substance, a creation of the mind, and yet so ever real in its controlling misery.
They say that we need to change our mind-set to rid ourselves of depression – it is nice of them to say this, but how?
Changing our mind-set meaning change our whole Belief System, our way of life, our thinking, our attitude to life and our part in it.
Not an easy task for sure.
I have been very interested in how people click into depression, how it overcomes them, and how they can escape its invisible grasp and walk away to freedom.
I have watched many people over the last ten years (including myself), and seen very confident and seemingly strong people completely collapse into depression, and end up in a pitiful state.
They say that if you have a illness to study it. Read books about it from many different views. Don’t count out anything, instead read and learn, and there somewhere in what others have written will be pieces of the jigsaw puzzle that you want completed of your situation so that you can sit back and say, “yes, thats the problem.” and of course from there you can defeat depression for good.
What we need to understand is that many people can pray for us to be rid of depression, but we need to do the hard yards ourselves, because God is not going to wave a magic wand over your head and instantly depression will be gone from a person forever.
God will lead us to a source of help, to books, to web sites, to people who have some information that we need etc. So even though we feel down, we need to get to it and do our own research and pray for guidance, and be open minded about what God is showing us.
God doesn’t let us down, we let ourselves down when we do nothing.
Apr 07, 2017 8:10pm
No body is ugly. I spent a lot of years thinking that I was unattractive, ugly etc. Later on in life I found out that many people thought that I was handsome. But due to being put down so much when young I came to believe in the lies, and because of that I didn’t give myself a chance. Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder, not on the opinions of people who don’t like us out haters. Do your best to be the best that you can be and doors will open for you as you discover the awesome person who you are as your natural self.
Mar 27, 2017 3:36pm
I am good, pleased to be here and hopefully share some of my thoughts and hopefully be helpful. I am sure to learn much from you all.
Mar 25, 2017 12:22pm
Commented on Kirsten Ellis’s post.
We should take each moment, hour, day as it comes and deal with it then.
Yesterday something bad happened halfway through the day and I started to feel very disappointed in myself and depressed, and then I remembered that only half the day was done, so why mess up the rest of the day with negative thoughts, depression and unhappy feelings. So I cast it all aside and enjoyed the rest of my day.
I had the choice of ruining the future, being unhappy and depressed the rest of the day, or of stopping the negatives that my mind was feeding my brain and getting on with life knowing that the past cannot be changed. I cannot go back and change the past, and I cannot control all that happens now and in the future, so the best I can do is learn, accept, move on and continue trying to be the best that I can be.
We all have the emotional mental power to live, learn, make mistakes, learn, live, and get on with it :-), or we can become self destructive with what has passed, build it up to mega proportions in our minds until we feel so unhappy and depressed that the rest of the day is destroyed before it even happens 🙁
No one is perfect, not me, not you, not your boss, not a movie or rock star, no one. We all make mistakes and should grow from them.
But the most important thing we should now is that “we have a choice of being positive about the next hour or negative”, we have a choice. We have the power to control a lot of our future.
Feb 18, 2017 10:54am
Commented on Matthew Jason-Clyde Morris’s photo.
Absolute honesty and truth from two people who tell the complete truth and don’t try to deceive each other is like a medicine that heals even the darkest and deepest wounds.
Each soul is like a well that is empty in a part of it, and when we listen with truth, care and love, the stories of other people’s lives fill us and enlighten our journey in life.
And the telling of darkness that was once a part of our journey to someone who we love and care for, is the pouring out of that darkness, bad feelings, struggles, depression and hate, and with it comes the healing of the soul, a much needed remedy for a toxic past.
Jan 06, 2017 9:29pm
Replied to Tracy Perkins’s comment.
Dec 09, 2016 11:27am
If we were to see that the unnatural world that those before us have created is the force and power behind most of today’s depression and mental illness then we could focus on the problem and solve it. But when the mental health industry has become a huge multi-billion dollar beast of great power and strength with its tentacles deep in politics, big business and in the health system we have great opposition. All the parasites that gain financial rewards from the industry will fight tooth and nail for the right to keep drugging and confusing the people. Many lawyers, politicians, mind doctors and experts are paid off to fight the fight of saving a mental health system that is not helping the people but is instead creating lifetime customers. The goal of love and care should not be of any agenda. It should not be to pursue your own beliefs such as religious, feminism, financial, political, or whatever, the goal should simply be that we see a soul in trouble, and that soul is struggling to cope in a world designed to make money and not love, and we help that soul. Far too many want to help a soul and then convince that soul to join their own personal agenda. Many religious, feminists, gangs all do this, they take suffering people under their wings and then get their trust and once they have that convince the person who they have helped to become one of them. The goals should never be selfish, the goal should only be to help and that is all. The natural need of the human being is not a job, money or material gain, they won’t soothe the soul, they only boost us for a short while and keep us from what has real value. The natural need is to be loved and to give love. When we give love it is like a magic want that sprinkles pixie dust on someone in need of loving healing and they do the same to us. When we are carnal and materialistic we have taught the mind that this is life, and this is good, and that we can count our goals and achieve them, but in doing so we bypass all the love waiting all around us. For there is no measuring of love, just the blessing of it in others lives. The mothers natural instinct is to love her husband and children and when she denies herself this she tries to fill the gap with money and materialistic gain and pride, she becomes bitter and depressed and may throw herself heavily into a cause. The father’s natural calling and instinct is fatherhood and being a husband of worth, his soul craves the love of his wife and children, but if he denies this he seeks drugs and alcohol or anything that he hopes will satisfy the emptiness he feels inside that he cannot fill no matter how hard he tries. We all have negative reactions when we do not receive love from others. Receiving love means receiving respect, help, compassion, sympathy, a listening ear that is not judgmental, and advice that is not sarcastic or harmful, but is encouraging kind and forever nudging us to a better place in our lives. This is the natural way that the human family has survives through the centuries, and yet eavery now and then a great empire rises, becomes caustic, toxic, carnal and materialistic and they all collapsed in some way or were destroyed in such cases and Pompeii. This is because some, a very few, take over the masses and convince the masses through force (Egypt) or brainwashing (today) to work for them. The poor stay poor and the rich stay rich, and families of the masses suffer as they try to cope. Families fall apart as they lose contact with the love that they are supposed to share with one another as they chase dreams, goals, careers and such like activities. Many live cold empty lives.
Nov 21, 2016 10:47am
Commented on Allen West’s photo.
Not all. Many still go to war. But the comparison is not fair because those that went to war often had no idea what they were getting into. They thought that it was an adventure, fun to be had, to travel the world for free. That is why so many came back a mental mess. Many of those so called heroes back then committed suicide after the war from the memories and horror that they had to live through. many of their marriages broke up because they were dumbstruck and their wives had no idea how to deal with war trauma that their husbands were going through, the nightmares and the shakes etc.
There is nothing good or grand in war. There are no winners and there are many many sad tragic losers. The Germans didn’t win and neither did the Allies because we all lost so many.
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The young to day “are a reflection of the adults of today” – they are not weak because the teenagers of today have a different DNA or different mental system. They are weak because society is weak. I read that half the women adults in the western countries are on some form of anti-depressants or medication for anxiety and nerves. In the USA it was found that anti-depressant chemicals are soaked into ground in some areas tested from adults taking mental health drugs (and the chemicals are passing through the system and come out in the toilet and into the ground) because they are struggling to cope through a normal average day.
So if all these adults are struggling to cope then how can they blame the teenagers or young adults for not coping.
And the recent protests in the USA over Trump winning shows that the adults are the one’s with the tantrum issues. In fact it is the adults that are pushing the younger generation to protesting and not accepting what happened.
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If the very same 18 year old’s today were born back in the past they would have fought in the wars too, earlier on they would have been knights or whatever. The problem today is not the 18 year old’s, the problem is the society that they have been born into. A toxic unfair society is a society that will have dysfunctional teenagers and young adults.
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Anything that is toxic will kill, maim, cause mental illness, dysfunction, and depression. The problem is the society that the rich have created, not the young, they are just the poor innocent victims that the lost adults demand become conformers to the society like them.
Nov 20, 2016 1:36pm
Commented on Merna Dwyer’s post.
It depends a lot on what is termed as smart. If it is academic smart then a large amount is about memory recall at exam time and then being said as a smart person your whole life due to a 1 hour exam.
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An IQ test really says nothing. Many of the people who laughed at me at school and called me an idiot are doing the most mundane boring trades and are not known anywhere.
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Brian Wilson of Beach Boys fame was laughed at due to his high voice at High School but that became his trademark voice that made him millions of dolalrs. He got an F at school for Surfin yet it still sold over a million copies. I have seen the interview with the teacher who gave him the F and he laughs about it now 🙂
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Many quiet people are very observant and intelligent but are never given the chance to show their real abilities how they want to and where they feel the most comfortable expressing themselves because the loud, proud and pushy are making sure that they shine over all else. We have made such a competitive society that everyone is trying to outdo everyone else to be the best, get the most money and to achieve more than others.
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People are not stupid, they are unable to cope, or struggle to cope or have never been taught how to cope so many resort to a safer more simple cheap lifestyle of alcohol and drugs and unemployment rather than have to stress themselves out by trying to cope in a society that uses greedy selfish people as heroes and watches the poor suffer all around them. Some people that are called “losers” by the conforming medicated subdued society are the real geniuses, but the masses are blind to change, and they don’t want freedom, they block out the new voice that teaches different things, because freedom takes away their money, titles, and education degrees, and that is all that they have worked for, so they defend their falseness and ensure that conformity stays strong and sure.
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A coward is simply a person who has had all the will to fight knocked clean out of them in an abusive childhood or someone who was brought up by a narcissist. Some turn out yelling and kicking as adults and take from everyone else, and some withdraw within themselves scared of people, confrontation and life itself. It all feels just to overwhelming and they would prefer to stay at home in bed rather than be in a society that makes them feel weak, unhappy, inferior and insecure.
It is not natural to be a coward. something has to have happened to a person for them to be so scared, anxious and unable to cope in stressful dangerous situations.
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There is so much more to the human being that some classification that some expert from the troubled society claims is true.
Imagine Hitlers lot. They are the SS. They believe in themselves, their violence, their bullying ways as the natural progression and superior way of the great new Hitler race. And one of the SS men’s children is a sympathizer of good and wants people to love one another. So they bring in a “mind expert” who is a full SS and Hitler sympathizer and over a few years this expert and others of the same mindset teach this poor child that their way is the right way, truth and what will bring the child happiness, and eventually the child joins them happily and convinced.
Now look at this modern world, and it modern thinking, that did not exist 150 years ago and all the way back to the beginning of the human race and you see why the mental health system is struggling to teach people to cope. The SS example may have been more direct and harsh, and the punishment for failure was probably death even for family. But the modern example is that if you don’t cope “there is something wrong with you” (taught by those who have already been totally immersed into the society) and “once they have fixed you” (Made you a conformer like them) you are then unleashed back into the society that directly gave you the so called mental illness in the first place, and this time on mind and chemical altering drugs. This is why many people who are “treated” by some experts never heal and are always going back to the mental health system due to collapses and depression etc.
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So much to think about 🙂
The ability to see freedom is lost on conformists who see no wrong in the slavery that they have conformed to. In their blind denial they defend their blindness and conformity, and are very proud that they don’t rock the boat. They believe in the system and are proud of how far it has educated them and brought them self importance and a title of some sort. You see, to see beyond what they currently see, they need to see through the mist of acceptance in conformity. ° Often people “click” after a wake up call of some sort, but many don’t, and they remain blind, defiant, controlled by ego, controlled by a comfort zone that was placed upon their heads by some educational force that had itself become completely conformed to the system. If people are taught conformity from birth to a specific belief system then that belief system becomes their life. * Imagine the village family. Living their simple life. Believing that they must grow their own food, help others in the village, work side by side with each other, in peace with their existence. Then along comes someone from the big city in a car, in a suit, with a camera, recording gear, cell phone, pen, paper, etc. The villagers belief system is completely shattered. But in order to “click” Hague whole experience was seen abruptly like a slap in the face. The villagers are now taught to believe in the belief system of the city people whether it is right or wrong. They become blind conformist and so do their children etc. * In modern society few people see the false society all around them. The masses are so immersed in the false system that they are like the builders of the Titanic ship, they claimed that not even God could sink it. They were mighty and very proud in their own eyes. They were completely in the belief that they were the best and that they were greater than the oceans, mightier than the seas, nature couldn’t destroy their mighty creation. And as we know history showed that they were completely wrong about what they believed in themselves. Yet they were the most experienced, educated and powerful people around. Money, education created by a toxic society, power, and pride cannot keep a society afloat that is corrupt and wrong. * It wasn’t that long ago a complete airliner was lost. Even with all the amazing technology behind them they couldn’t find it for a long time. ° The human race needs to keep humble and help themselves for one another and not just for themselves. Our current toxic society was designed by the rich for the few rich. It was too track the masses to become masses of workers to bring in money for government, banks and the rich – modern slavery and the people conform so well, and believe in the system so much they think completely that they system is fair and that they are free – even though they work away a huge amount of their lives do the other people can be rich. The rich created the laws that punish the citizens who stand up to the few rich, and the rich created laws to protect themselves so that they won’t go to jail for their white collar crime. And the people are blind to all of this. ° Billions is spent keeping the people conformed to the socially accepted system created by the rich. ° The most obvious reason for mental illness, depression, and people having coping issues worldwide is because of a toxic society created by greed.
Replied to Cheryl Clayton’s comment.
In the 1980’s Benzodines were given out like sweeties. Age 23 I was being badly bullied at work and at home by an abusive partner. I became anxious and very depressed….The GP gave me pills ( Ativan! ) which ‘ cured my severe headaches and helped me sleep. The real problem was the dire circumstances of my life BUT like so many others the pills just about enabled me to function and work ( Bills needed paying! ) Ativan is I believe a banned substance now…I was taking up to 12mg a day which is equivilent to 120mg of valium a day. I did eventually see a therapist who was a life saver…Coming off those pills was hell…….They repress normal emotion and it was never ok to tell anyone especially my employer. I think many people are utterly trapped by powerful Medication. The addiction to Benzodines and possibily anti-depressants is real. No-one in the early 80’s said they were addictive……
Forget Mother’s little helpers….they were the drug of choice for career women. Society, Partners, Family all expect you to work……The teaching profession in the 1980’s would allow time off for back injury but not depression or other such labels.
The inward shame was very hard and the battle…If I give up my job to adjust to life without these damn pills how will i fill my day…yet fuctioning ( Not living ) provided some sense of purpose and of course brought in an income.
Drugs keep people in employment…The government is always going to prefer that to the alternative.
At the time I was so f**king grateful that something stopped the physical pain a little. I did not know then what i know now………I probably was 40 before I really got it………NO easy answers. I have never admitted this addiction but if it can help others I am sure I was not alone…………
– Anne Ford.
Oct 30, 2016 7:34pm
Commented on Daril Lee Lev’s post.
Oct 30, 2016 1:55pm
Commented on Tokoroa Tokoroa Tokoroa – Haere mai, nau mai, e ngā iwi e – Welcome All’s video.
Oct 24, 2016 3:57pm
Commented on Philosophical Atheism’s photo.
The modern educational system breeds apathy and the reason why is because of the focus being on facts, exams, stress, concentrating on one’s own life, career and selfish goals. They don’t seem selfish, they don’t feel selfish, because they have been brainwashed into thinking that the concentration on “self” is the natural order of things to fit into society neatly and cleanly and efficiently enough to be a useful cog “in the order of things”.
Do remember that teenagers have had a huge hunk of their childhood having it drummed into their heads that teachers are intelligent, that the education system if the best around, and that science truly holds all the answers to all questions about all that has ever been.
So convinced that they are doing the right thing they dive into their education trying to find some career that will suit them and that will keep them employed, wealthy and having all the modern conveniences to help make life enjoyable and satisfying.
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What really happens is that all those years of hope, orderly behaviour, struggles, depression, and peer pressure, simply sets them up for emotional turmoil; mental illness and failure during periods of their life. Because they have little skill of living when the bad times hit they collapse as adults.
Apathy comes from years of concentration on “self” and very little taught of true value in the child’s life. The educational system is a huge failure, but it is constantly being touted as the answer to the worlds ailing situations and masses of mentally ill people of proportions never known before in human history.
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Apathy is the result of teaching facts, exams, book learning and visual learning. True education comes only from living experiences and emotional feeling.
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All the best from
James M Sandbrook.
Commented on Depression’s photo.
Oct 13, 2016 10:13pm
Commented on Prince Ea’s video.
The school system took over parenting and that left the children vulnerable and unable to cope.
Children are missing out on what is important in life, and the school system is putting young children to stress levels that they were not created for and comparing each one against the other with tests, exams and sports. The children are not left to grow naturally by experience, but instead are put into the protective classroom. Any adult student will tell you that what they learned in the classroom at University or Polytech was nowhere near as informative or useful as what they learned in the field in practical work.
Experience is who our natural teacher is. We were born to be active in the world experience, not the protective classroom, books, videos and lectures etc. In order for the lessons of life to truly sink in they must be fully experienced with all our senses and spiritually.
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In the classroom, the protective environment, the children learn laboratory living. If dolphins, animals, rats etc are brought up in a laboratory and then let loose as adults they flounder, they struggle and many die. Wild animals brought up in a cage or home are then let out into the world and many die because they did not get the necessary learning skills that would be useful to them as adults.
There was a case a few years back where some well-meaning but not wise protestors took some laboratory experiment dolphins (I think that they were being taught for bombing ships or something like that) and let them go in the sea, they all dies because they didn’t know how to get food, or how survive under stress, or how to deal with enemies and predators etc. Then as teenagers they have to face sex, drug and alcohol pressures, things that the protected classroom cannot prepare them for. The children lose respect for themselves because they are told that they should be able to cope, if they can’t, then there is something wrong with them. Guys treat girls badly for sex, female treat guys badly for sex. Ego’s run high and responsibility is low. We are bringing up our children to suffer, be depressed and believe that they are failures.
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Children need the 1 to 12 years of being at home learning the basic skills of life.
From the father the boys learn how to be a good decent man, a husband and father.
The girls learn from their father the value of a responsible father who loves and cares for his family – these girls will not go for gangsters, druggies and alcohol abusers, they will go for a man who will stand by them regardless of his financial or physical situation.
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From mother the boys learn what a good woman is. What value an honourable woman is in the home.
The girls learn how to be a mother, they learn first hand the skills of motherhood, the skills of bringing up children and the value of motherhood. Today motherhood is downplayed as some unfair treatment of woman – hence why the young woman today have lost focus on what is important in their lives and are preferring career choices and trying to be single while married etc.
From mother and father the boys learn how to treat a woman decently, and the girls learn how to treat their future husbands decently. From both parents they learn how to interact with people, how to be kind, have manners, how to get their point across and how to be brave and courageous against the odds when their parents deal with other people, the local and government authorities.
We are creatures of habit. What we see we do easily. If our children grow up with a single parents they are missing half of the education that they really need to cope in their gender. If the half that they have, a mother or father, is a drug or alcohol abuser, toxic parents etc, the child will learn nothing of love, compassion, kindness, good parenting, and how to cope in life.
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School fills their minds with many useless facts and skills that many will never ever use.
I read years ago that if you fill your stomach with cake then there is no room for your healthy veggies. In the same thought, if we fill the child’s mind with useless information then the child (who’s parents are both at work and only accessible a few hours a day) has no room for quality coping skills learning. On top of that the afternoons of the modern child are full of PS2, XBox or whatever games that are the latest fads, TV, movies etc. The children at school also get their advice from other children, not from a source of wisdom.
When the child becomes a teenager the child has coping skills. Depression seeps in as the child struggles to cope and suicidal thoughts come forth. A lot of teenagers world wide commit or try to commit suicide. It is claimed by the inefficient multi-billion dollar health ‘industry’ that the teenagers are having coping issues and they try to drug or retrain or both the teenagers and young adults minds into coping in a society that ‘is stressful’. The young adults are thrown back into the toxic industry-based society and told that the system is fine, it is the person who has mental issues.
Children need to be brought up by their parents and not by a society that is based of materialism and money. The children need to be brought up surrounded by love, so that they know what love is, and in this environment they will grow in leaps and bounds as the parents teach the children the basics of life, the strong foundation of good manners, charity, courage and confidence.
At the age of 12-14 the child will go to school for the first time and learn only about the chosen career that the child wants to try. No meaningless math or science, and later on in life if the child wants to learn this stuff they can at their own pace and in their own time.
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All the best from
James M Sandbrook.
Sep 27, 2016 2:31pm
Commented on Allyson Hill’s post.
When people are not in your body, have not lived your life, and have not earned the lessons from the personal experiences that you have had they tend to judge us and our life by the experiences that they have earned through their own lives.
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For instance, a persons family is killed by a black man, so for all of this person’s life she hates black people. That is her personal experience, and even though it is twisted and wrong it is what she judges darker skinned people by. Then when her daughter tells her that she is in love with a dark skinned person the mother freaks out, and the daughter says, “She just doesn’t understand me.”
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People understand people according to what life has taught them. The whole thing about empathy, love, compassion etc, is about listening and trying to understand what is going on in the other person’s life and mind. We are supposed to understand another person’s situation and feelings by what they tell us, but in order to understand we need to have an open mind that will listen, take in the situation, and understand that person.
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People’s opinions are formed by their life-experiences, and they react to life according to what they have learned in life. They treat other people according to how they feel and what they believe in (that life taught them). Many prideful people “assume” that they know the answer to other people’s lives before then even hear them talk. These people are a complete waste of time as they are of no use in helping anyone. Sadly the medical and mental health systems are full of prideful labelled titled people who “go by the book” and not by the heart.
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Consider the Atheist. Consider the Christian. Two different Belief Systems that can get on, but sometimes don’t. And the reason that they don’t get on is that each one has come to some point in their life that has added up all their life-experiences and come up with the conclusion that fits their life choice of a certain Belief System.
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When a young adult becomes a Christian or religious in an Atheist home the family reject the religious teachings and can be very caustically judgmental. They cannot understand what they have not been led to. A Belief System is a very strong and total belief in something, a life style, a way to live, a reality that we totally believe in (even if it is completely wrong).
The biggest mistake that religious people make is trying to convince people who are not religious to become religious like them – they get frustrated because they cannot understand why they don’t “see the light”. The best way is to live the good lifestyle and people will see the advantage and follow suit because they see the good value in a good worthy person who has control of their emotions, lifestyle, and is able to cope in the world.
Talking seldom changes people’s Belief Systems, but involving people in your Belief System in a mature positive way changes lives. Love will always win if we are wise enough to use it.
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One of our greatest goals is to reach good moral maturity. Living a decent good life makes all the difference.
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Instead of being frustrated we need to be the one’s who understand that those who judge us have no idea where we are mentally and emotionally coming from. They are lost, and the lost won’t find home unless they have an awakening of their own just like we did.
If we freak out, act over-emotionally we give them the example of a person who claims to follow God but it is not doing their life any good. In other words we are not the good example that we should be. No one is perfect and we all fail or get upset. But the walk of following Christ is of self repair, discarding the baggage of the past and becoming new, confident, and having the courage to be patient with those who don’t understand us and moving on from pointless distressing situations.
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People who are suffering depression are often not understood by people who have not suffered the same way. They get frustrated and demand that we get our act into gear, but we can’t, we are scared frightened of things that they can confidently do. So they get mad because they cannot feel our feelings. What they don’t understand si that because they don’t understand us they are only keeping us depressed and miserable, they are doing more damage to our soul by being harsh and unfeeling, fed up and angry.
There need to be a compromise.
Sep 15, 2016 10:42am
Good morning Angel Monga. That was written today about my life back in 2004 after my ex-wife left and I was struggling with depression etc. I always knew that there must be answers and ways to beat depression but they were not in the books. The books mostly seemed to be about expensive therapy, medication and not looking for positive answers to bring back happiness in troublesome times in our lives.
Learning what I wrote here really was a blessing., It gave me hope again and I was able to be strong for the children again. They needed me and I needed to be able to take control, be mature, but also be a good loving caring father and only parent at that time in their lives.
There is always an answer, and often the answers are positive but other people, negative feelings, looking at life wrong etc can cloud the view and we have trouble seeing the good that is there.
Sep 14, 2016 9:56am
For me it was the ex. Because I was secluded because of homeschooling and up much of the night writing software I became so focused on the children and programming projects, running 3 huge programming websites (40,000 visitors a month etc) I was exhausted most of the time, being only a few hours sleep a night.
Some of the nights you rang I would doze off to sleep so tired.
The ex always looked good to the public, but at home she restricted money, food, and all sorts of other things. Years later after she left the more I learn about Gaslighting the more I realized that I lived it.
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Women are all known for doing it to children. When the children are small the mother might choose a favourite and victimize the rest. They carefully pit the children up against one another so that the poor children have no idea that they are being victimize, they just think that it is normal life. And the mother calls the children names, tells them that they are stupid, and keeps their confidence at a constant low so that they never gain enough confidence or courage to fight back. On top of that they add fears into the children’s gullible little minds. The children are innocent and have no chance whatsoever of beating a crafty adult mind. 🙁
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One of the tricks the ex did that I never found out until she was gone (when the and I all finally got together to talk with each other about our life with their mother and her influence on us all) was she would buy beer then tell the children that it was for me and that I would stay up all night getting wasted. But when she got home she would tell the children to go to bed early (because she said that I was going to get drunk) and then she would sit down and watch the videos that she had hired and get drunk. I was at the other end of the house designing software, fixing bugs, tutoring, and running the programming groups and Web sites.
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We discovered many things that she did over the years that were lies and were designed to make me look violent, incompetent and an idiot.
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She made me out to be violent and bad to the children when I was tired and would spend hours and hours working on something, and she would tell the children that I would freak out for no reason, and then she would come down to the room and tell me that they were being really bad. So I would go into the lounge tell the children off (because I gullibly believed the ex) and storm back to my project upset that they wouldn’t just leave me to the work that was going to make us money for more food etc, and she would shrug and look at the children and day, “See I told you he was violent” etc. She did crafty things like that.
The real crazy part was that I spent much of the days homeschooling them but because they were scared “that I would have a fit” they wouldn’t mention what the ex said about my so called violence and drinking problems etc. This is exactly what she wanted and she used fear to stop the children communicating with me,that way we would never find the truth.
And sometimes I would be grumpy from being up all night. We were always broke so I was trying desperately to save us.
°
It is a game to narcissists, and they do it very well. She was always telling me how stupid I was. All people make mistakes, so she capitalized on mine and always overplayed them to make my confidence low, and to keep it low. Things would go missing, break, etc, everything was my fault and because of my foolishness. In the end I was so convinced of my complete incompetence that “I knew that no woman would ever want such a failure and loser like me, so I clung to her and saw her as a honourable person for putting up with me. I became so reliant on her that I wouldn’t let her leave.
Her brainwashing was so good that years of Gaslighting etc had me clinging to the person who was slowly destroying me,and ruining our family.
°
When she left I had agoraphobia, anxiety, and was suffering chronic depression. For a long time I was completely convinced that suicide was the only happiness that I would ever find, and I thought that was world was better off without such a pathetic loser as I.
I had just become a Christian when she left so I had God to believe in, but that didn’t mean that I believed in myself.
God saved me and have me back my confidence. Up to 2010-2011 I was still struggling. But all the research I was doing taught me what happened and that a childhood of confusion, lack of confidence, a father that was never there for me, a mother who had some serious control issues, set me up to be an adult victim to a narcissist. You too with Eric.
Aug 28, 2016 9:20am
Commented on Sky Crawford’s post.
Aug 27, 2016 1:02pm
Commented on Merna Dwyer’s post.
On the other hand (because I like to be difficult 😉 ), desperation has caused the most amazing changes in human history, such as at war time. One side came up with radar, so the other side had to do the same, and once they realized that it was invented in desperation they invented too. If there had been no desperation there would have been no success. The jet engine was invented as an act of desperation. Improved radio gear, boats, submarines, etc etc. And many of these inventions made in desperate times lived on in peace time for the public, such as radar for aviation, shipping etc.
Many an artist, musician, writer etc has become so poor that in desperation they get hard at work and have come out with an amazing success.
Desperation, like fear, can be used to push us forward and inspire us to go do things of courage that we never would have done before.
Imagine the person wanting to ask another out, but is too shy, and fears the results or possibly rejection. But then someone else comes along and is obviously very interested in the person he or she likes. Panic, jealousy, desperation sets in and this is the power, the fuel, the ignition and acceleration that makes the person go forth promptly and take the risks that he or she was previously scared of making.
Just some thoughts.
○
By the way I can’t meditate, tried it and it never works so I gave up.
I pray, ask for wisdom, ideas to help people, then when I post something I pray and ask God to let those who need to read it be guided to it, and many people write to me and say, “What a stroke of luck”, coincidence etc that led them to that article on that day, just when they needed it 🙂
I think that if we are good and sincere many good things come to mind at the most amazing times that are spiritual gold to other people.
A restful state opens the mind up to “reception” of wisdom to help others. When I work outside, garden, shower etc I get lots of article ideas and answers to problems, and the reason is that I am physically rested and in a peaceful state of mind with myself, life and what I am doing, and in this peaceful restful state I am open to wisdom from above.
○
If we think of life logically taking the time to meditate takes us away from other things. So it seems obvious that we were meant to reach that same state of mind while just living life. It is stress, depression, struggling with an unnatural life that forces us to try different ways to achieve this state of living that is peaceful and good for the soul, when in reality we should be at one with life, the Creator and ourselves in a fully conscious state of being.
Aug 26, 2016 11:17am
Commented on ANTI NEW WORLD ORDER’s video.
A world that has a focus on money, career and materialism will create children who have the same weaknesses and lack of values. Children are taught to hate either by personal experiences (child abuses) or by guidance of older people, in schooling they are taught years and years of unimportant math, science, and the young are taught to focus on themselves and being happy in the material sense.
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In some societies the children learn progressive confidence and courage from their daily real world experiences that affect their emotions and thinking, the experiences become deeply embedded into the child’s memories because they actually lived the experiences.
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In some societies the children learn insecurity, fears, self doubts from learning from books and perfect protected environments that protect them from harm and protect them from dirt, real life, and bruises etc.
The real learning that grows good children is “personal world real-life experiences”. The memories of pain, foolishness, silliness, trial and error are deeply remembered, as well as the stunning delightful memories of good times, successes, and celebrations of triumphs and overcoming fears.
○
It is only during the last 100 years or so when we developed a society to cater for the Industrial Revolution that we started bringing up our children in protected environments (The perfect clean well groomed home and school classrooms), and in the last 20 years the politically correct call to protect the child from just about everything has taken away the genuine learning experience of trial and error, bumps and bruises, and left children to learn from books, video’s and electronic games. But since the children do not personally experience the action of the games, videos, and books the learning is second-hand and not personal.
The child cannot easily recall the lessons taught and we end up with a generation of wistful, teenagers lacking in knowledge, lacking in wisdom (not their own faults at all) and aimless in thought.
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The parents are not guilty because the parents were taught by the “experts” that what society tells us to do, what the education board tells us to do, what the scientists tell us to do is good for us and our children, but the evidence of cancers, diseases, depression, mental illness, etc, etc, is the simple straight forward proof of a society that is a failure.
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We common folk are all the victims of a caustic toxic society that is led from the top from those who have no idea what they are doing except filling their own bank accounts and egos.
Aug 23, 2016 3:17am
Commented on Launa-Anne Smith’s post.
In some societies the children learn progressive confidence and courage from their daily real world experiences that affect their emotions and thinking, the experiences become deeply embedded into the child’s memories because they actually lived the experiences.
In some societies the children learn insecurity, fears, self doubts from learning from books and perfect protested environments that protect them from harm and protect them from dirt, rel life, and bruises etc.
The real learning that grows good children is “personal world real-life experiences”. The memories of pain, foolishness, silliness, trial and error are deeply remembered, as well as the stunning delightful memories of good times, successes, and celebrations of triumphs and overcoming fears.
It is only during the last 100 years or so when we developed a society to cater for the Industrial Revolution that we started bringing up our children in protected environments, and in the last 20 years the politically correct call to protect the child from just about everything has taken the genuine learning experience of trial and error, bumps and bruises, and left children to learn from books, video’s and electronic games. But since the children do not personally experience the action of the games, videos, and books the learning is second-hand and not personal. The child cannot easily recall the lessons taught and we end up with a generation of wistful, teenagers lacking in knowledge, lacking in wisdom (not their own faults at all) and aimless in thought.
The parents are not guilty because the parents were taught by the “experts” that what society tells us to do, what the education board tells us to do, what the scientists tell us to do is good for us and our children, but the evidence of cancers, diseases, depression, mental illness, etc, etc, is the simple straight forward proof of a society that is a failure.
We common folk are all the victims of a caustic toxic society that is led from the top from those who have no idea what they are doing except filling their own bank accounts and egos.
Aug 22, 2016 5:46pm
Replied to Alomo Florence’s comment.
Alomo, not so different as you think. We have poor people here, they are badly treated, New Zealand has one of the highest child sex abuse cases in the world, very high suicide, and depression etc.
I have been poor as a child, adult and suffered in many ways the same as you.
One thing I discovered on the Internet is that no matter what country people live in, what race they are, or even what financial class they are, they still have the same forms of mental issues and emotional stress, child abuse, and being abused by narcissists. In fact narcissism in rich families is very high.
Aug 20, 2016 6:22pm
Commented on Cheryl Katz’s photo.
I was struggling from depression, agoraphobia and other problems in life when the gossip flew and I didn’t at the time have the confidence or the courage to defend myself. Poor, confused and greatly lacking confidence I was abused in many ways publicly.
If a person is struggling from depression or mental health issues then he or she is the perfect target from some domineering person who has decided to destroy the suffering victim.
What I learned from this is that we certainly shouldn’t consider a person guilty unless we know that person, because that person could be suffering mentally, from and accident, an abusive childhood etc, and some narcissist comes along and attacks this persons public image.
People tend find to it very easy to support the people with titles, education, and domineering sorts who could be popular in the public’s eye. And the sad part is that the victim is not mentally prepared to defend themself and this just makes the attack far more easier for the experienced (at narcissism) attacker.
People should be all given a fair go at defending themself, but the biggest way to stop lies and gossip is not to have those sorts of people in your life reporting their lies (mixed with truths). And people should never be judged by the lack of money that they have.
Aug 20, 2016 9:21am
Commented on Cheryl Katz’s photo.
Oh woe, the stories that I could tell about people who have lied about me, gossiping, telling fables and lies mixed with truths, oh they are a hassle and they make life a longer struggle than we need to deal with.
Life will always have struggles, but you cannot enjoy the magnificent view at the top of the mountain without walking up it to see that wonderful panorama of natural natures beauty.
But the liars, and gossipers, they add to the struggles and challenges and make the end goals become further away, more distant and tiresome. It is the unfair people of life that destroy happiness, cause depression, and help people fail. They are the devils DJ’s spreading the poison on the toxic airways with the single design of destroying some innocent person’s happiness.
Direct communication is the only way to solve problems because it does away with the “middleman” (the liars, gossipers and storytellers etc) and one gets the truth from the source and not from people’s wild imaginings.
Aug 20, 2016 12:56am
Commented on Dee Sandbrook’s post.
Aug 03, 2016 12:23pm
Commented on 94.1 KXOJ’s photo.
I 100% disagree with this. It was the adults of the previous generation that sold out to slavery to the banks, rich, and big business, and the teenagers are given this dysfunctional social mess packed with depression, wars, suicide, many years of paying off debts (most probably their whole lives) etc and they are expected to cope “normally”? Heck, the adults are the ones on all the anti-depressants and such, they developed this mess, they have conformed to it likle good puppets, what gives puppets the right to tell anyone what they should be doing – just because the adults have lost the courage to fight for their own rights does not give them the right to judge the young people who are born into this mess.
Today “Behaving like a normal person” means being a conformer and working for pitiful wages for the rich who get the most out of your work struggles, obeying corrupt white collar crime authorities, and owing money to banks for the rest of you living days.
Teens look at what is ahead and depression sits in.
Aug 01, 2016 4:56pm
Commented on Nicky “Autumn” Stevens’s photo.
The society today that the people of the past was crafted by the rich, banks, and those pioneers of the industrial revolution. They needed workers, lots of obedient submissive grateful workers. They created the school system, made laws that supported their plan, and made laws to protect white collar crime and the political people.
The result was an unnatural society. A society that creates stress and depression as everyone struggles to cope. The children’s minds are filled with unimportant data that many will never use in their lives, and they are separated from their parents from a young age. This creates coping struggles for the child, gender identity issues and unconfident uncouragious children.
When these become young adults and they have mental issues many are simply given drugs by their GP’s, or they see a therapist who has never dealt with that problem personally in her life so she has no true empathy or idea what hell is going on in the patients mind. How many people who have committed suicide had qualified therapists that they had seen before they died?
If the mind doctor gets the patient back to some level of coping ability the poor patient is sent back into the unnatural stressful world that gave them the depression in the first place. This is why patient are often always on drugs and constantly going back for treatment.
The mental health system is a joke that is very profitable for the rich and soul destroying for its patients. The medication which wasn’t even needed that very long ago, but is now used because the mental health system has no idea how to fix the mess that they and a lost society has created in the minds of the innocent victims, has become a multi-billion dollar industry that is causing far more harm than good.
The poisons in our water supplies, the chemicals in our foods, all have some sort of affect on people’s minds and human behavior. Just consider that none of this was needed 150 years ago, especially not to the masses as it is today.
Jul 28, 2016 12:21am
Thank you for that. I have been without a computer for some months and recently have been able to get a cheap one.
I have been seriously thinking about finishing a book I started years ago about getting out of depression without drugs or therapy, and also it has a lot about understanding God in your life etc.
I have 15 chapters written.
I stopped about 2008 or 2007 writing it because I was sure that God wanted me to be married and add some chapters about marriage and love.
But marriage never happened, and yet I was so convinced that marriage was coming, but it never did, so I was left very confused and not sure what to do for years.
But recently the feeling to finish the book has become stronger again. And now you have confirmed that I should get to it. 🙂
Thank you for being a blessing, Lenora.
Jul 27, 2016 7:20pm
I know what you mean. I am trying to see other people’s point of view.
I remember as a teenager seeing a Maori woman in her early twenties, with a black eye, face bruised and she was kissing the mean chap who beat her up. And at the time I thought that she was weak and a fool.
But since God took me on a journey this last 11 years and I discovered so much about depression, mental disease, people being abused so much as children that they had no love for themselves and had completely lost hope in life, I realised that people can “just let life happen to them” and they will allow themselves to be used and abused.
D L Moody said that only love saves, and he is right. So my focus is trying to be understand people and what they have gone through, and then once they realize that I am not going to hurt them, showing them how to have confidence in themselves again, starting again, and especially forgiving themselves for past wrongs.
Jesus forgave and showed love, even to enemies, and that is the goal we all need to have. Love heals all.
Feb 02, 2016 1:50pm
Not everyone knows what to do because they are suffering depression, anxiety and other reactions to being harshly treated.
Narcissist groom people to follow them, then they abuse them, and apologize often and continue to do the wrong things, and the victims keep with the narcissist because they know no better.
We need to try to understand people’s reasons for allowing themselves to be taken advantage of. We shouldn’t judge, but instead ask ourselves why, and then we can help them if they want help.
Many people think so little of themselves that they will allow themselves to be mistreated because they think that they deserve to be treated like that.
The only way that victims can find hope is when people show them that they have value and promise.
Like Christ we are supposed to be gentle encouragers and comforters so slow people the way to freedom and a life that they were born to live.
Feb 02, 2016 1:35pm
Pride, arrogance, titles and self importance etc has people thinking that they are special and others are below them in importance.
These people have forgotten how to understand others and these people think with the mind and ignore the heart.
We all have a past. We have all cried, hated, hurt someone, been hurt, been hated, stolen, broke the law, got furious, felt unconfident, damned, some of us have even been tortured, raped, abused, and used, had narcissistic parents etc. Because the human journey consists of many of those things, but is different for every person, it should be a rule in schools to teach children how to understand other people’s lives so that they will grow into adults that show respect for others. If the young were taught how to investigate the facts, do the research, and see other people’s lives with compassion and empathy there would be so little hate and so much positive progress in the world. Too much emphasis is put on academic studies and the real important teachings about how to live, how to react positively, what love is, kindness, empathy, reaching out to others, caring for the planet and seeing the value of a decent good lifestyle is not getting into many teenagers heads – but it is not their faults, it is the adults that are failing them.
If each child was taught that all the other people had tough lives, and to see the world through other people’s lives, then the child is taught about the positive value of these positive considerations and investigations then the child will see what is foolish and what is not foolish. ○ The foundation put under the young today sometimes is sand and it easily collapses when tough times come and the results are depression and mental illness etc.
They become young adults they do foolish things, think foolish thoughts, and are not very responsible because they don’t know that what they are doing is wrong, self degrading and upsets other people (parties in the street, loud cars etc).
To irresponsible people being loud, and even abusive is just having some fun. The foundation of education from baby to 14 should have far more about life, people, sympathy and caring and a strong decent foundation that will give the child strong confidence, steadfast courage, and someone who will set strong boundaries that they won’t cross over to do wrong when they are older. We must learn to understand one another and what each other is going through in our daily walk. In doing this there will be far less arguments and far more people hugging and sharing each others struggles and pain.
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