The no relates to a specific request, not the whole person. Sometimes no just means no.
It is common for people to overestimate the impact that saying no has on a person. The other person might take it in their stride with relative ease, but here we are thinking we have nearly destroyed them.
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Rules for saying no:
Here are some straightforward rules that can be applied in most situations.
When saying no:
Be honest, polite and even-tempered. Don’t mince words, just come out and say what you need to say. ‘No’ sounds better, less threatening when it is said in a firm but even-tempered voice.
Don’t apologise.
Remember, keep it brief. No need to launch into justifications. It undermines your credibility. You have the right to say yes or no to any request or demand.
Take responsibility. It is better to say ‘I don’t want to’ than it is to say ‘I can’t’.
You should give the impression that this is your decision, not someone else’s.
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Ways of saying no:
Trevor Powell outlines six useful ways of saying no:
The Direct No.
Simply say no, and do so without apologising, applying the rules from the previous section. This works well when someone has a problem and they try to make it your problem and you are not having it.
The Reflecting No. You acknowledge the other person’s position, and then add on your refusal at the end. For example ‘I know you want me to help move house this weekend, but I’ve already made plans and I don’t want to change them.’
The Reasoned No. A simple direct reply in which you briefly state the reason you are saying no. For example ‘I can’t meet you at 5, I am working on a project.’
The Raincheck No. This leaves the door open to saying yes later, for example ‘I can’t meet you at 5, but I could make it at 8.’
The Enquiring No. Like the raincheck method, this one opens up the possibility for an alternative, for example ‘I can’t meet you at 5, but is there another time that would suit?’
The Broken Record No. Simple but effective, you repeat your polite refusal again and again, as often as the other person persists.
The repetition quickly draws attention to the other person’s persistence which will often catch them in an unfavourable light. Very good for pushy sales people.
– David Tuffley.