Home – Computing – Fitness – How to… Motivation – Product Reviews – Stories – Tips – Disclaimer.
Dealing with people can be a rewarding or a frustrating experience. The choice is yours about how you want the outcome to be. Many books have been written about this subject simply because it is so important that we learn to deal with people in a positive manner. Dealing with family, friends, people you meet on a daily basis and work associates can be a happy experience or a constant downer depending on how you Deal With People. This chapter is designed to help you deal with people and be liked for your efforts.
Dealing with people also has a lot to do with the way that person was brought up and reacted to the challenges that have come before him or her. Many times in my life have I come across a person who is strong headed or arrogant, negative or even abusive to other people and after some enquires I have found out that those people have had very hard upbringings and due to that they have reacted and learnt about life in ways that were obvious when I met that person.
I found that after I learnt about a persons upbringing I felt different about the person. I felt I could understand how they came to be the way that person was today and often I would try to insert a positive relationship between myself and that person. This is often not an easy thing to do but worth the effort. Often I found that when I was alone and talking to a person the conversation would turn towards our childhoods and the person would tell me some of their childhood experiences. In these cases I always tried hard to be a good listener (even if that person had hurt me recently or in the past) and I would try to offer comments that would help that person deal with their past. We all need to deal with issues from our pasts, things that we have done or things that have happened to us.
You don’t have to be a psychiatrist to help people, all you need is a loving and caring heart and soul. It doesn’t cost you anything to help people and the rewards are beyond belief. You help mend somebodies mind and you also make a good friend.
No matter how well-off people seem they are still not so well-off that they are not a part of the sufferings of human life or the challenges that come our way. Consider other peoples lives before you make judgments upon them, consider their trials and tribulations that they have to go through. Consider the pain that they have had, just like you, and realise that other people are in many ways like you, no matter what gender, age or race.
Have sympathy for other people and their plights through life. Look at people often and see the things that they have to deal with. Life is not easy for anyone because we all have to learn and grow as human beings. Amongst all the fun in our lives we all have down moments and we all shed tears and when the need arises we have to look after one another. The human race is a race of people who have many social connections, whether they be family lines or friendships and all those connections can work better if we know and help each other as we go through life.
To look down on people and judge them is to look at them as if you were above them. But no matter what a persons worldly condition is, that person is basically same as you – a human being who is alive and doing as you do, trying to survive. I am not asking you to like or be with people that you don’t respect, I am asking you to not judge anyone in an unjust manner.
Do you often see people that you have never met personally, yet you make comments about their clothes, race or even their nature? For your own good it is not nice to hold dark thoughts about people. The famous saying “First impressions count” is often not true. I have met many people who at first seemed to be people that I would never have had anything to do with and afterward found out that I liked them and some of them became my friends. Let this be a lesson to you. When you meet a person for the first time and you do something that makes you look foolish, always remember you have the rest of your life to change that first impression. If you really want to be a friend of some person then work at repairing any ‘first impression’ damage that has been made with a good heart and you will succeed. Gentle determination is the key to this situation as it is also the key to many situations where a constant effort is needed to get something done.
I remember many years ago when I was working in a sawmill. A young, mean and tough-looking, dark skinned male started working with us. He was about six feet tall and well built. He was on the same working level as I was. We were both general hands which is the bottom of the promotion line and we did manual labour for the company that we worked for. I did not like the looks of this new worker, he gave off all the signs of being a ‘hood’. He looked like someone who didn’t care about people and was ‘cool’. My first impression of this person was that he was trouble and not worth knowing. One day I walked into a work hut that we had and this guy Torrance was sitting down when I walked in. I looked at him and said something like this: “Why do you always have that tough look on your face all the time?” I have no idea why I said this, it just sort of came out. Torrance looked at me for a second with that same look of pure mean toughness on his face and then he burst into a big smile and laughed.
He told me that the tough look was just an image that he had to show because of his race. Torrance was rough around the edges but as I got to know him I found out that he was a nice guy and more than just a little bit cheeky. I found out that his Mother had died many years ago when he was young and he had to help look after his little brother and sister. As time went by I met his Father and I wasn’t impressed. I then began to realise the hard times that Torrance had to deal with as a child and as a young man trying to come to grips with life and people. He was never impressed by the tough scene that he had to go through because he was born into his race, but he endured it because he accepted it as his lot. The tough look was just an impression that he and other young males of his race had to use or they would not be accepted by their own people.
Torrance died in his early twenties before he had time to have a wife or children. It was a very sad moment in my life when he passed away and I wish now that I had known him better. We spent many hours at work together and he told me many things about his life and how he grew up. Even though he was rough around the edges I had respect for him. Especially when I learnt his views about the racial pressure that he and other young males in his race were under as teenagers to be tough and cool. I learnt a lot from Torrance and his attitude for life. Rough as he was he also had an honest way about him, but I had to ‘break the ice’ to get through the ‘image’ that showed on the outside.
Torrance is a good example of how a person looks and acts and how those visual first impressions can be very wrong. Because we judge people we lose the opportunity to meet some very interesting people. They may not become close friends like Torrance did for me but they still can be a friend and someone that you can get to know. When you have sympathy for other people and their life long ordeals you have love for mankind. You will also ‘see’ people as they are and not as society sees them. If you don’t judge people and just see them as fellow people who are struggling through life, taking each day as it comes, you will gain many friends. Help many people because you are willing to look further than you ever did before. You will be a much richer person in spirit and more wholesome as a human being.
When we want a job done we have two real choices of how to get other people to do it. One choice is to ‘tell’ them to do it, in other words order people about trying to force them to do as you wish. The other choice is to encourage the person to do whatever the job is that you want done. Ordering people to do things appears, at least in my experience, to be reasonably popular and the results are mixed. But I have personally found that the results are often negative with bad feelings being produced.
Ordering people to do something gives the receiver no choices but to obey (unless that person rebels) and people do not enjoy being ordered around. A slave is supposed to obey without any choices at all. When you order somebody about they feel that they are being treated as a slave, even if they are not. People prefer to be encouraged because they at least ‘think’ that they have the opportunity to ask questions, or make a choice or just do it because they know that the boss, parent or whoever wants them to do it because they can do it. People like to feel happy that they can do something.
Encouragement is a medicine of its own. It has the ability to uplift a persons spirits to higher levels. When people are depressed or in need of help, encouragement is a positive answer to the problem. Encouraging people is important because of its ability to help motivate people into trying to do better.
When a person has been brought up in a family where nobody got encouragement it is hard for these people to really understand what encouragement is. It takes time for these people to get to grips with encouraging people, but it can be done. You can be a great encourager. You will make many friends when you encourage people, as it is the opposite to trying to force people to do things. If you came from a family where one child or some children were encouraged but you were not one of the children that was encouraged, then you may have feelings of resentment and may have said to yourself consciously or unconsciously “I will never do that to my children”.
You may accidentally set up a mental barrier that will stop you from encouraging others. You may even have said to yourself “I didn’t need to be encouraged, I found my success the hard way and I expect others around me to do the same.” Because you were not encouraged you prefer to force people to see things the way that you do, you may prefer to “push” people into your way of thinking and push them to do as you want. This will in turn cause others to feel resentment towards you. They may not tell you this but it will surely be in their hearts. These old ways of yours need to be changed for your own benefit as well as others.
In order for a person to encourage others, you and I need to first be able to encourage ourselves to believe in what we are trying to encourage others to do. A preacher cannot enforce his congregation to do things that he wants them to do unless he is really encouraged himself. Personal encouragement is important as well as trying to encourage others. With the right positive encouragement, honesty, love, a preacher can get his congregation to do good things for the good of God and mankind.
But the opposite can also be true. I have noticed that you can ‘bring up’ a person with lots of encouragement and they do very well. They believe in themself, they get great grades at school, they are approved of by parents and teachers alike. But when it comes to them trying to encourage others in a positive manner they fall short by a country mile. They are not putting themselves in other peoples shoes and cannot understand why others are not naturally feeling the same belief in what it is that they want to do. These childhood encouraged people have a deep belief in themselves and they find it hard to understand why other people just don’t do as they have told them to do.
These childhood encouraged people still need to encourage people as well. It is the only real way to get others to want to do as you ask them to do. Even if you have a strong belief in yourself other people may not have that same belief, at least not yet. You need to prove yourself to them and at the same time some positive encouragement will go a long way in helping other people to like you and want to do as you ask. Note that I wrote ‘ask’. Its also nice to say “Could you please…”, rather than “Go do the…”. Good manners coupled with respect for other person will always work.
School teachers can fall very short in this area as well. One day when my eldest daughters Tracy and Rachel were younger and going to school I was working on my computer writing some software. The two girls decided to play school, so Tracy said that she would be the teacher and Rachel the student. Tracy sat at a desk and Rachel sat on the floor like the younger students sometimes do at school. Just about immediately Tracy started yelling at Rachel, she told her to stop fidgeting, she told her to sit upright and fold her arms. I was amazed and asked Tracy what she was doing.
“I am being the teacher” she replied.
I asked her why she was yelling.
She said “Because that’s what the teacher does.”
I decided to stop in at school for a few days to see what was going on in the girls classes and sure enough that was exactly the way the teacher spoke to the children. She raised her voice and told the children what to do. Most of the time she didn’t ask. She didn’t talk nicely except to a few children (I expect that these may have been her favourite students). And she was downright bossy. It is no wonder that the children were misbehaving. I am not attempting to point the finger at teachers but some encouragement would have gone a long way in that classroom I am sure.
You can get anyone to do something as long as you show them how it will benefit them. As long as there is a positive advantage for the person you are trying to motivate and you point it out to them in a nice way they will surely see the advantage and do what it is that you want them to do.
It is not advisable to encourage people or children with money. A parent could offer her children $100 to mow the lawn, and as you will have guessed it would be done very fast. But sadly the parent would have to constantly offer money to get the same job done a week later. Finally the parent may even have to enter into meetings with the children because the children may have demands for more money. This is one of the reasons that people are always going on strike for many other things besides money. Money helps but it is not the most important item in the world. Genuine encouragement comes from the heart and it is based on something good. It would be much better for the parent to encourage teamwork in the home. Parents should also consider taking a hint from churches and encourage fellowship in the home between all the family members. This helps bring people together, and shows the family that they are in a special sense all bonded together as one through family love.
Encourage:
One way to encourage people is to always say thank you to them when they help you. People want to know that you appreciate their help. Saying thank you is not a forced rule in society, it is up to each individual to consider saying thank you. But should you choose to use those magic words you will find that people will want to help you simply because you took the time out (a few seconds) to say the words “Thank you”. When you say thank you properly do it with a smile on your face. In fact this is how I recommend that you say thank you:
Stop whatever it is that you are doing and turn to face the person who has helped you.
Smile at them and then say “Thank you”.
Consider adding additional sentences to the conversation to let the other person know how they have helped you and how much you really appreciate their efforts.
If you have trouble with small talk, perhaps because you are shy or uncertain about how to ‘break the ice’ with total strangers, here are some suggestions on how to start a simple conversation:
Talk about the current weather or a recent storm, etc. This could break off to another conversation about what you or the other person (or people) were doing when the storm came about.
Look closely at the person and see if you like their hair or clothes, maybe the perfume they wear, and make some positive comments in that direction. People love to talk about the choices that they have made and what brought them to make that decision.
If you know what job the person has then you can make a comment or ask questions about their job. Then listen to the replies you get and form further questions from what you have heard. Practise this.
Have you heard of this persons family? Do you know a member of this persons family or other people related to this family? Then ask questions about how the family or how a family member is, and what they are up to.
Always try to avoid talking about religion and politics with someone that you don’t know much about, these subjects can be very personal to some people and you may offend them and get into an argument which is the opposite effect of that we want. Never say anything bad about anyone to someone that you have just met, even if the people you are talking to do say something to this effect. Keep the conversation happy and they will remember you as a happy, positive person.
Try to keep in mind when you are dealing with a person that all people are not equal at all times, therefore a person may or may not be able to handle the way in which you deal with them depending on many factors. It is up to you to discern what that persons situation is at the time you make contact with them. If you are a team leader this is very important to the success of your job.
When you deal with people you may find that sometimes people don’t measure up to your ideals, try to remember that in those peoples lives many events happen that you have no idea about, so approach each person with the view that they will do the best that they can, at this time, to help you.
If you drive yourself hard and you expect others to try as hard as you, more than likely they will fail to live up to your expectations. This is because that person is different and each person has different things that motivate them. You are motivated by what you want, they are motivated by what they want. If what you want does not fit in with what they want there is not much chance that they will go out of their way to help you to achieve what you want, especially if what you want gets in the way of what they want. If you can find a way to help people get what they want then there is a great chance that they will strive to help you because you have helped them. You can also try to add what you want with what they want and in doing this both things get done to the satisfaction of each of you and you both help each other. Pray for guidance in situations like this.
Mankind cannot seem to exist without debates, which is good because debating issues can be a lot of fun. However, sometimes debates can get out of hand and the results can be very unhappy. If you have an issue with someone else it is a wise decision to choose a place and time for the debate, for these reasons:
One: This will give you time to calm down and think clearly about the issue and why you are upset.
Two: You can choose a place that will hopefully be relaxing for both parties.
Three: You can keep it a private affair between only the parties interested in the debate at hand.
A wise thing to do if you have found out that you were wrong and you are going to meet the person is to say that you were wrong immediately and diffuse the situation instantly. Even if the other person tries to gloat at you being wrong just walk away knowing that God is proud of you for doing the right thing. Always remember to pray for the other person in situations like this.
Bursting into a room and screaming at somebody because you are angry with them helps you in no way at all, in fact if there is anyone else in the room you will mostly make a fool of yourself and lose the respect of others. People who don’t have the respect of others will get no sympathy for their plight in life or on the particular issue at hand. People tend not to help or stand by people who are bad tempered, even if they are right others tend to prefer to keep out of the situation altogether once a big fuss has been made.
Sometimes you may find that you get angry at a person often after talking to them or debating an issue with him or her. And after a debate with that person you walk off unhappy even when you knew that you were right. This in turn sets you both up for more arguments during the rest of the day or in the future. This is not good and can grow into an explosive situation. Try to be honest in all debates and be quick to say sorry if you have made a mistake. It may make you feel a bit foolish but imagine the results if you blow it all out of proportion!
If it is obvious to you that the other person in the debate is wrong and that you have done all that you can to peacefully help them see the error of their ways, then stop the debate and shake hands with the other person saying “Well it’s plain and clear that we differ on the answer. Maybe as the day or weeks go by, we will see the error of our ways. Until then have a good day.”
And next, as always, for the better of all forgive the person within yourself and ask God to forgive that person. Pray and ask God to find a way to show the other person the truth, and pray that the other person will receive loving guidance from Heaven so that he or she can forge forward in knowledge and new found faith in themself.
Bad tempers do nobody any good. All those that raise their voices in anger lose the fight from that point onwards because they also lose control of their thinking. An angered person can say anything. This kind of debating has caused many a good friendship to end and hurt many peoples feelings. If you feel your temper getting away from you consider going to the toilet room to calm down or step outside to ‘get some fresh air’ which will help you to calm down before you lose control. You could also use the GOOD System to concentrate on something else for a short while so that you can refocus your brain on the subject being discussed when you have finished. Some long deep breaths will also help and going for a walk will also recharge your internal batteries as you mingle with natures charms. Pray and ask God for guidance as you go back to the debate. Stop at the door, relax, breath easily and deeply, put on your best smile and walk back into the room refreshed and ready to talk calmly and productively.
It is far better to debate in calmness and in such a peaceful manner that you can get your view across without disrupting the other persons point of view. Peaceful debates are a lot of fun and I personally have always enjoyed a good discussion on any subject for the sake of unfolding the mystery and finding the answer that we all are wanting. The aim of debate should be for constructive discussion.
Learn to accept the fact that you cannot control everything that happens around you. There is only so much that a person can do. Sometimes things happen that are completely out of our control. Even a dictator who desperately tries to have total control over his country never gains complete control over the people in his or her kingdom.
Want to be very popular? Here is a way that you will win many friends and have no enemies (at least at best as possible). Greet everyone you meet with enthusiasm and kindness. Say “Hello” to everyone you pass in the street, you never know what kind of relationships may come from a simple “Hello”.
When dealing with people and trying to get them to believe something that you are telling them consider:
Their lifestyle
Their beliefs
And try to give them room to breathe. People sometimes need time to let an idea ‘sink in’. Just because you said something or state that something is true does not make it true to everyone else. You must try to be considerate of other peoples beliefs and desires. We are all welded together by what ‘we’ have learnt during our lives, many years of trying, stumbling, pain, anguish, love, trials and errors bring people to the beliefs that they have.
Debate is important and different views are important otherwise the world would be a very boring place to live in. Imagine us all agreeing on everything – what a scary thought! It is a truly humble person who allows his opponent to gather his thoughts between each exchange of words in a debate.
If you are right then you have absolutely nothing to lose by giving your opponent a chance to get their facts together and if you find out that you are wrong, be wise enough to stand back and shake the other persons hand and admit you made a mistake. The idea of any argument or debate is to find the truth. If the other person is right and you are not then you surely would be glad to know the truth, wouldn’t you?
The fact that you were wrong (and you have been wrong on many occasions just as I have) just means that you were mis-informed. You were guided to believe as you did due to what you were told, what you believe and events during your life. Being wrong in an argument is not a shameful thing if you behaved honourably during the course of the debate. It is truly shameful to continue the debate with a display of bad words and loud exclamations that are aimed at the other person and not the issue being discussed.
Let the world think big of you and behave in an honourable manner whenever you are debating an issue with somebody else. Make this a habit and you will gain mountains of respect that no amount of ‘false attacks’ could ever destroy.
We are told that all people have souls and that all people are here on Earth to deal with life in a constructive, helpful manner. Which means that when we look at other people we can “see” that the other person is much like us in many ways even if they are bad and we are not bad.
You would be amazed at how many enemies you could change into friends by being compassionate towards them. When a person is sad mentally their defenses are down and they want to get emotional help to help them with the suffering that they are feeling at that moment and you, who has nothing to lose and everything to gain, can help them with the kindness of your heart. Teach yourself to love all people and you will gain a deep amount of respect from the people of the world. Turn away from somebody in desperate need and you reinforce the other persons bad feelings about you and you will also look bad in other peoples eyes. It doesn’t really make you feel much better by turning away either.
First we need to remember that God loves all His people and so should we. Next we should remember that we have failed in many ways just like all other people and that we don’t have the right to turn a blind eye to someone in need, especially someone who comes to us for help.
When we have compassion for others we should treat others who need our compassion the way that we wish to receive compassion. An example is when somebody has had a friend or family member die. If we try to feel what it would be like if we had had a member of our own family die then we can feel more compassion for the person who is emotionally suffering. It should never matter that this person is somebody that we have not ‘gotten on’ with in the past, what is important is that we are there when people need us and we hope that they will be there when we need them.
It is a great thing to try to get to know all people that you come in contact with. I am not suggesting for any reason that you become a baby-kissing politician or anything like that. I am suggesting that you get to like everyone that you meet during your life. Why should you? Because if you do then you will make many new friends and contacts that will help you through your life. It takes a person with real courage to make an effort to get to know people that they come in contact with. During the hustle and bustle of life we often lose contact with the inner harmony of people. We see the outside of them and the surface but we don’t get close enough to people (except our short list of friends and sometimes not even with them) to learn about their inner workings and inner feelings.
I am not asking you as an honest citizen to get to know criminals or people that you don’t respect. As an honest person you will still come across many people as you go through your day and when you meet them greet them with happy comments and a sympathetic eye, and will you open up a new world for yourself. By making a constant effort to do this you will become known as a good person, someone that everyone likes. We all want to be popular with other people and this is a sure way to lead to that very situation.
Bring some sunshine into other peoples lives just as you want people to bring some into your life. By spreading good words and happiness to others you are showing the world just how nice you can be. And believe me, you will be noticed for your ways and if those ways are good you will be labeled with a ‘tag’ as a good person and rewards come to good people – often! Some people are popular for their good looks, some for their assets like having a fast, mean looking car, some people are popular for their position in life. But only a few people have learnt the art of being popular for just being themselves. It doesn’t cost any money to have friends and if you are honestly looking to help people you will gain many new friends in your travels. Working from the heart has always been the greatest way to gain friends, you won’t even have to look for they will come to you as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow.
Your looks don’t count when it comes to being popular if you are a good person who shows compassion for other people, what people care about is the connection that you have with them. People will be glad that you are friendly to them, they will like it when you help them. And they won’t be interested in your fast car or high ranking job, they will be interested in what you can do for them and they will be thankful for your support. When you spend time with other people, the other people feel important by being in your company. You are showing them that you are with them because you want to be with them and not because you were told to be with them or payed to be with them. When we get visitors we feel that surge of happiness that comes from other people making an effort to come to our home to spend time with us, it’s a wonderful feeling. We know that these people have other things to do and that is what makes it special when we take time to visit, talk to and help people. Human interaction is very important in our growth as human beings and it shouldn’t be ignored.
Human contact is very important to people, we need it and we love it. To mingle in a happy way with people is to bring our lives together in harmony. There is a lot of physical contact and social contact going on these days but not a lot of mingling of the souls. Often the depth of the mingling is shallow. People can meet other people on a regular basis but never really get to know one another. Have you ever said to yourself after a friend or work associate dies that you wished that you had known them better, but you had made personal contact with that person often?
To get to know people is to get closer to them and many of them have the potential to be a friend of some sort. A friend is someone that you like and to have many friends is a very special thing indeed and not many people can claim to have many friends which are not just shallow relationships. By liking many people they will in turn like you and that is the simple formula of being popular. You must be honest in your feelings towards people for this to work.
The want to get to know people is the important thing, even if your are shy, just make an effort everyday towards getting to know and like more people. With each soul that you come in contact with in a nice friendly way you will grow in general stature and you will gain alot of useful friends who will help you and learn to like you. Many of the people that you meet will be lonely and you will be like an angel to them, the gift of friendship that you give them will be like a gift from heaven.
Everyone has something to say and something to give. By learning to like as many people as you can you are opening yourself to the world for friendship, you are offering your services as a human companion to all the world. Be a friend to everyone and be prepared for the rewards of being nice.
Here is a way to make you more popular and to a make you appear to be a very reasonable person.
When someone is telling you something it can be very easy to interrupt and argue or make suggestions or comments about whatever the person is telling you. This can be very aggravating to the speaker and they tend to get confused as you take them off on a tangent to what they are trying to say to you.
With practise you can learn to wait and listen no matter how much you want to interrupt the other person. I always found it hard to stop myself interrupting when I knew that the other person was wrong about something. I would get to the stage when I thought “Why do I have to listen to this, I know that they are wrong?’, “If I interrupt them now then we can sort this out later and go on to something else less aggravating.”
I was wrong to think like this. Everybody believes, whether they are right or wrong, that they have the right to have their say. And they are right. When you listen to the person and “all” that they have to say you may also learn why they came to the conclusion that they did and it will help you explain to them where they got mislead. If you cut-in early then you will aggravate the other person and lose their respect. I learnt this the hard way.
You may also learn that they are right and you were wrong. None of us are perfect and you will find out every now and then that you made the mistake, but you will never learn anything as long as you are on the attack and pushing to prove your point. I have witnessed many people “win” an argument and still be wrong. They look foolish and all they really achieve is the total disrespect of the other person. I have seen politicians do this at election time, and it is amazing that they don’t realise that they are making a drastic mistake showing the public that they are not good losers or good speakers. Both of which they are supposed to be.
It may take time for you to master this feat of good behaviour, I struggled with it for a fair while. Here are my suggestions:
Sit down with your hands on your lap, and your back straight while you are listening to the other person. Don’t fold your arms as this is a sign (body language) that you are upset and will probably explode soon or at least make some sort of remark, or that you are mentally blocking the persons thoughts out. Don’t interrupt what the other person says, no matter how much you disagree with them.
Take regular, long easy deep breaths while the other person speaks, just don’t make it look obvious that you are doing so. The secret is to relax and not get tense even if the issue at hand is important to you.
Either look directly into the eyes of the person that you are listening to or look at an object in the room and clear your mind of your own thoughts while ‘taking in’ the information that the other person is giving you. Concentrate on the words being said and not what your argument is, there is plenty of time to state your view afterwards when it is your turn to speak.
If you hear a sentence that bothers you, don’t say to yourself in your mind “Hey, that’s wrong!”, just listen to all the content being laid out in front of you so that you get a good understanding of the entire conversation.
Don’t ever make noises or grunt, shake your head or use any other disrespectful motions to put the speaker off. The secret is to let the other speaker feel that you are giving them their say and they will ‘have to’ give you your say when they are finished. Take in the data and consume it, then when they are finished take a few moments to consider what they have said and then start to explain your point of view.
Sometimes during our lives we have to move ahead and say goodbye to those people that have shared time with us. People who have been our friends for many years. Goodbye is never easy when we have to say it to these people, but sometimes in our journey through life we need to move ahead, and sometimes people do actually hold us back. When this happens it’s time to be honest with yourself and ask yourself if you really and truly want to move ahead and try new things, maybe even change your lifestyle.
If the answer is yes then it’s time to congratulate yourself for your insight and take the only step possible that will make you feel better – it is time to move on. Remember the good times with your friends, remember the fun, but always keep in mind that no matter where you go you will always be able to acquire new friends who will be on the level that you have risen to.
Memories are like photos in a photo album, they are to be treasured for the happiness that they gave you. I have many fond memories of many people that I have known over the years and I take great pride in the large amount of people that I have known and it has always given me great pleasure for the special moments that we have had. Even though I have moved on and don’t see many of those people anymore for various reasons (like distance) they will always have a special place in my heart.
I have found that wherever I go I always manage to meet nice people, people who are kind and generous, people who want to help me and ask no return. One of our goals in life should be to attract these sorts of people – good people attract good people. Keep this in mind while you go through life and your life will be the better for it.
My family were having a debate in our home. Tracy, Rachel and Grace were sitting at the dining table and each was putting forward their views of the situation. I was going to interfere and hopefully calm the situation down when I realised that each person was reacting to the problem in a different manner.
Grace, being the youngest, was looking at solving the problem so that we would all reach the prize sooner. She offered three solutions.
Rachel saw herself as a victim in the situation and to some degree she had every right to feel this way because she was not at fault for the situation. But she didn’t offer any solutions to the problem. She just refused to co-operate. Really all of them were victims of the situation but Rachel felt it sensitively.
Tracy attacked from the beginning of the debate, tearing down Graces attempts to solve the problem. She was full-on in the attack obviously feeling that she was well within her rights as the eldest. Tracy was the loudest, raising her voice and making claims and counter-claims as a result of her feelings.
Finally both Tracy and Rachel decided to listen to Grace (the youngest) and they all agreed on one of Graces solutions. This solved the problem. Finally co-operation saved the day.
When dealing with people we need to be aware of all that is going on around us and how all the people involved are reacting to the situation. It is important to notice these things.
This got me thinking about people who have to deal with other people in business, church congregations, and other places where more than one person debates subjects or has to deal with peoples problems. Often during debates people react differently to the facts or suggestions put forward and when we (you or I) are the chairperson or somebody in charge we need to be able to ‘read’ each individuals reaction and hopefully guide the meeting with calmness, common sense and reassurance.
It is often a challenge to deal with these situations but not impossible. Be sure in the future to think about debating situations that you are a part of and watch carefully how other people are reacting. You can learn a lot from this type of experience and also help calm or control the situation with this knowledge.
We must try to be sensitive to other peoples claims, reactions and problems. If somebody is sensitive about an issue and you are not, you should be able to respect the other persons private reasons for being sensitive. Why they are sensitive is not the current issue, the fact that they are is no reason why they should lose respect or not be allowed to be heard along with everyone else. Remember we can all react differently to any situation.
There were many times during my own life when I could have dealt with people better and I lost some friends being rude and talking without thinking first. Being tactful is an essential part of getting on with others. While being sure of our own views or feelings we need to be sure to not upset other people needlessly.
When I was a teenager I had a girlfriend who dressed well and was smart but was a bit outspoken at times. When visiting a ladies home my girlfriend said “Whew, it smells in here!” in a loud voice that our host easily heard. Our host had a look of horror on her face and my girlfriend had a disgusted look on her face. I took my girlfriend outside and had to explain to her that while she had an opinion about a smell in the house that offended her nose (I hardly noticed the smell) she did not need to exclaim her views so loudly or even at all. The main result from her comment was that the lady of the home disliked my girlfriend and considered that she had no manners.
Our lot in life should be about what ‘we think’ but it sometimes does no harm to keep our comments to ourself. We need to consider the effect of our views on others. Offending people needlessly is an effort best left for others and not for yourself, if you want to be liked by other people. The example that I gave in the previous paragraph about a teenage girlfriend could have been different. She could have smelt the smell that offended her sensitive nose and then looked around the room for something positive to say like “That is a nice wall clock over there!” The host would smile and (possibly) apologise about the smell and then make some comments about the wall clock.
A high school girl once told me of an experience that she had in one of her classes. She was talking to a friend about the fact that her Mother had left home and that she was now living with her Father and brother and sisters. The teenage schoolgirl (the high school girls school friend) who was listening suddenly exclaimed in a very loud voice so that the entire class heard “What, your Mother left you and doesn’t want you to live with her!” The girl was very embarrassed because this was a private issue and now the entire class knew what had happened and soon the entire high school would know. This situation caused the girl who was telling the story to have a deep feeling of despair over the situation and some dislike for the girl who had embarrassed her.
The above situation can be avoided with an effort on your part to ensure that you never embarrass anybody like that. In order to make friends and keep them we need to remove small moments like those mentioned above out of our lives. You have, as I have, made the simple mistake of making comments when we shouldn’t have. Being popular or being liked is about being nice and not giving other people reasons for disliking us. If you are an outspoken person please consider very seriously being a more refined person who cares about what they say. You will be loved for your ability to assess a situation and say the right things and for not offending people.
– Home –
Character. Character Assassination. Children. Computing. Crosswords. Driving. Education. Electronics. Garden/Yard. Good Man Images. Fitness/Health. French. Homeschooling. House Ideas. How To. Interesting & Helpful Videos. iPad. Jokes. Kitchen/Cooking. Love, Courting and Marriage. Mechanics/Machines. Motivation/Advice. Movies. Music. Narcissism, Abusers & Covert Manipulators. NZ. OOS/RSI. Parenting Idea’s, Tips, Thoughts etc. People. Personal Care. Parenting & Children – Notes. Photography. Plumbing. Poetry. Politics. Product Reviews. Projects. Proverbs. Religion. Reviews.
Sewing. Skills/Hobbies. Slang. Stories & Books. Tips.
Tools. Toxic Parenting. Whats It Mean? Welding. Women. Words. Woodwork. Woodwork Basic Lessons.
===
From Boys to Men.
===
===
© 2021-2026 – James Martin Sandbrook. All Rights Reserved.