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Subjects:
Hope – About hope and how it can help you.
Forgiving Yourself – Dealing with the past and forgiving ourselves.
Learning To Let Go – Sometimes we have to let go of people that we love.
No Matter How You Try – Dealing with people who don’t recognise your help.
Finding New Ways To Deal With Situations – Approaching problems from a different angle.
Fun And Play – Learning to enjoy youthful fun again.
Sorrow – Dealing with sorrow.
Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word – Learning to say sorry and smile about it.
Forgive Always – How to forgive and be happy you did it.
The Three Step Method To Forgiveness – How you can forgive yourself and throw away guilt.
The Three Step Method To Forgiving Others – How to forgive others and then move on.
Visitor Panic – How to not panic when you have to meet somebody who may make you life awkward.
Hope should be a feeling that is a part of everyones life. People often say in a dire situation “Have hope” which is a fine thing to say but it doesn’t really explain what they mean. We need a better understanding of what hope is and what it means to have a belief in the word “hope”. The rewards of having hope are good and could save you from being unhappy.
According to my Oxford dictionary ‘hope’ is explained like this: A feeling of desire for something and confidence in the possibility of its fulfillment: “his hope for peace was justified”.
Recently our dog Bob was very ill and he would not eat. We tried many things to get him to eat all to no avail, he was not interested in food. Witnessing something like this can be very depressing, especially for children. As an adult I felt reasonably helpless knowing that my children expected me to do something to help save Bob. We prayed often in the hope that he would be better and he would start eating soon. He started to lose weight and was no longer the happy family dog that we knew so well.
As the days went by we all started to wonder if he would die but we never gave up hope that he may eat something soon. Once he started eating we knew everything would be alright, we just had to find a way to get him eating. We poured milk and eggs mixed together down his throat for a few days to keep his energy up. My children emailed their Mother (who doesn’t live with us anymore) at her work and she offered the suggestion of rubbing Bobs neck downwards because she thought that he may have something stuck in his throat. We tried it and later on in the day he brought up old food. Her suggestion worked and Bob seemed to be better. Then finally one night soon afterward Bob started to eat small amounts of meat. We felt that our prayers were answered and all would be alright.
Having hope means making positive statements to others and yourself about the event possibly turning out alright. The eternal hope that good will prevail is a good example of having hope. Imagine the feelings of soldiers during the First and Second World Wars (and other wars) – not only did they have to witness horrific suffering, maiming and slaughter, they had to keep up their will to fight in these bad conditions. The war just seemed to drag on day after day, month after month, and year after year while they watched many of their friends die or become crippled. The end of the war to some seemed like it would never come.
These soldiers needed hope to pull them through. These boys and men were not created to kill yet they knew that they must do this to stop the enemy from taking over the world. Soldiers from both sides must have worried whether the war would ever end. For the Allies in the Second World War the hoping payed off and the war was finally over after years of destruction and suffering. I have read many true war stories, I read them because it has always interested me how these soldiers can be so courageous in the face of death and have the ability to lift themselves up in the face of the enemy. Many soldiers had different ways of keeping everyones hopes up even in the darkest hours of war and I cannot help but admire their courage and ability to keep hope even when things were looking so bad.
True life stories about peoples lives are a good source of proof of humans being able to cope with disaster and poverty then rise up against incredible odds with eternal hope that they will get through it all. These stories are available at your local bookstore or local library just waiting for you to read them. Books are a great source of encouragement especially when you read stories and realise that the people in these true life stories are just like you and I, they are people who had ordinary lives like you and I before they were faced with incredible odds and they took on those odds and turned the situation around to their favour.
Hope is a feeling that we need to make a habit. You can learn to speak with hope by saying sentences that have a hopeful statement embedded within it. It is far better to make a positive statement in times of poverty and sadness than to make negative, hopeless statements which help dig oneself and those who hear deeper into depression and despair. Remember that depression is a killer which we want to avoid with all our might so we need tools to avoid the negative and destructive power of depression and we can do this by having a strong belief in hope. Give yourself and your family a treat and give them some hope for the future. Write down some hopeful sentences which you can use when things are getting you and your family down. It is amazing how much a simple positive sentence can help in bad situations, they give encouragement.
For many people, knowing that God is near and always looking after them with His Guidance gives them a special hope stronger than the hope we can have as individuals. Having hope in God has pulled many people through bad situations, these people survive on the full confidence that God is showing them the way and they have everlasting hope that God will find a way to pull them through. Use the Bible and true life stories to show you that hope is a tool that you can use in your own life to help you. Your hope is addictive and those around you will gradually be infected by its positive pull. More than likely you will remember someone who you have known who has always had hopeful statements when situations don’t look good. Use these people as examples.
Try to be around people who have a happy and hopeful nature and their good nature will rub off on you.
When you help somebody it is wise to help and give hope at the same time, for this will truly help that person for now and the future. If somebody needs food then it is a fine thing to do to give them some food especially because we need food to keep us alive. But if you were to add hope then you are giving hopeful food for the future which has a long lasting affect on their lives.
There is no hope without trying, if you stop trying then you have no hope for a better future. No matter how miserable you are or how many times you fall flat on your face, if you do not keep trying then you have lost the battle. You must keep having hope and keep trying. Both together are an explosive combination that propel you into the future.
When you look back on your past and see negative situations be sure to remember that that is not the new you. The past is something to learn from but not something to make you unhappy because you are so much different now. The pain of your mistakes can leave you now but the lesson can still remain, something to learn from and also something to remind you that those were the days when you were ignorant of what you could be and how you could change to be a better person. Today you can forgive yourself for those yesteryear mistakes.
One day when all my grief hit me all at once I felt devastated, my life was in disarray. I threw myself towards a door and slammed my palms hard against the door bashing it with my despair and anger at my misfortune and failures. Obviously I wasn’t reacting to my situation positively and during the process I put a hole in the door. The moment I stopped hitting the door I felt even worse because I had lost control of myself, I knew that yet again I had made another mistake. And every time I saw that door and the hole over the next few months I felt miserable because I was so disappointed that I had lost my temper and had caused yet another thing that I had to fix in our already physically disabled home.
As I started to change the way that I was thinking I found that my confidence grew and my belief in myself and God grew. As time went by I would look at the hole in the door and not feel so bad and finally today I see the door with totally different feelings. I see the door and the hole and realise, with pride, that I have changed so much. That door and hole is visible proof that I am not who I used to be. I get a positive buzz from knowing that I am not the same person who made the hole, I am physically the same person, but not mentally. I realise that my reaction to my failings of the past came from my upbringing and my deep lack of control over my emotions. I was dishing out my emotions the wrong way. I cannot be blamed for that. How can a person be blamed for something that they didn’t know existed or had no idea how to rid themself of it?
Many people say to forget the past. This is an easy statement to make but so very hard to do when our minds bring up those past unpleasant memories. Sometimes we may go walking and one of those memories comes back by itself or we may see something that triggers the old memory. Whatever the reason for the past coming back to haunt us it still happens and those memories cannot ever be fully forgotten. The best way to deal with them is to see them differently and more positively. Once a person changes their mental state of mind they can be sure in the truth that they are different mentally. They react to situations differently. They talk differently. They love differently. And many, many more changes are evident when that person interacts with people around them.
It is plain and clear that the person is a new person and that they can forgive themselves for the past and see those bad images and memories as something that is gone and will never come back again.
If you feel pain from an event that you caused in the past there are ways to ease the pain so that you can forgive yourself easier. The first is to ask forgiveness off the person (or people) that you hurt, then do what you can to help them. Be honest, let your love flow and do all that you can. Another thing that you can do is spend the rest of your life helping people.
If you have hurt many people during your life but now you have learnt the error of your ways you can try to help at least twice the amount of people that you hurt in the past. Many of us don’t really know how many people we may have hurt so we can just put in a big effort for the rest of our lives helping people. Make it a goal and stick to it. Use your common sense and discernment to find people who genuinely need help and than do the best that you can for them. Consider leading people to Jesus Christ in an honest attempt to help them change their entire lives for the positive.
Keep the goal of helping people deep in your heart no matter where you are and what you are doing. With this goal in your heart you can truly learn to forgive yourself and grow with the satisfaction of knowing that you are valuable to other peoples lives, which for some people is the opposite to their previous existence. While you are helping people your confidence will grow and other peoples love for you will escalate in multiples. Remember that what you give out, you get in return. So give out your best and other people will give their best back to you in return.
Throughout our lives we come across people who we love, some very dearly, who attach themselves to us with love but they drag us down into misery with their constant mistakes or failures. We go to great lengths to help guide them, we spend large amounts of time trying to make their lives better. Sometimes they don’t understand us, sometimes they don’t seem to care (because they are unhappy), sometimes they don’t listen to our best efforts to help them. These people are not helping our lives and it doesn’t matter whether they are related to us or not, they tend to slow our lives down and hinder our success and any chance we have for happiness.
We need to see them for what they are besides our love for them, besides the fact that we care for them so much. You can only do so much for a person, once you have reached the best efforts and best advice that you can give you can no longer help them. It is time to send them on to do their best without your help. This is not easy to do, but they will learn more from their experiences. Many people live this struggle constantly, trying to find a path to go on that suits them, and many of them make decisions that do not do them (or anyone else) any good. They must learn by themselves and there is nothing you could ever do to help them. It is time for them to stop relying on you for help and advice, it is time for them to learn how to deal with their problems by themselves.
Sometimes we try to help a person and we know beyond doubt that they are doing the wrong thing, we try to explain it to them and they refuse to listen. Instead they give you some sort of mixed up logic that they have concocted that suits them. These situations can make us feel so very sorry that we cannot get the person to listen, this sorrow becomes frustration and we become more desperate to help that person, but they still won’t listen. Finally that frustration turns to anger because we don’t want to see the other person hurt.
This is a situation we need to move away from and we should never let it get to the stage of anger. If a person won’t listen then you must turn away and let them go their own way to make the discoveries that they must. Remember life is about choices, you have to let others make their own choices even if you know better – you can do no more, except hurt yourself more.
This does not mean that you should not love that person anymore or not be friends with them, it just means that you have to not be their adviser. By doing this you will give yourself more freedom and a lot less frustration. People must make their own choices for themselves, you can only offer suggestions and when those suggestions are not enough, its time to move on to keep your sanity.
No matter how you try sometimes you will not get the results you expect off other people. You can make sacrifices and do many good deeds for some people and they will never return the respect that you deserve because of your efforts and love for wanting to help people. Try not to take this behaviour to heart, these people are still trying to cope with life and obviously they have a way to go before they can recognise the efforts that you have made to make their life better. Sometime in the future they may approach you and thank you for what you have done for them.
Always remember that all people are going through trials and we are all at different levels of life, because of this some people will give you the credit you deserve and some won’t. Some may even treat you in contempt or jealousy. It doesn’t matter, move on and continue with your life. Always remember good things happen to good people. Never forget that and always live with a giving, caring heart. And remember that these people need you even if they don’t currently realise it or want to admit it. Maybe its time to let go and let them live their own lives. Like most people I would go a long way to meet or help a good caring person and I am smart enough to know that I need these good people to help make my life happier by their presence.
When we are faced with trying to change our ways of the past we need to find new ways to deal with our problems or bad situations. By finding new ways to deal with these situations we can attack them from a new angle which in turn will help solve the problems that we have, especially those that keep coming back to haunt us.
Example:
Joe finds out that his dog chewed his slippers to shreds. Joe is not a rich man and he dislikes
spending money needlessly. He beats the dog so that (Joe believes) this will teach the dog a lesson.
I think that we all agree that Joe needs to change his ways and attitude towards punishing his dog, his whole family would benefit as well, as Joe would love himself more and the dog would also like Joe more. Joe really wants to be a nice guy and a good dog owner. He gets disappointed with himself after he beats the dog, but he just can’t seem to stop himself from punishing the dog this way when he is frustrated, which turns to violent anger.
Joe is lucky because he has a situation that he knows about that he can change. This situation is when he beats his dog when it has done something wrong. Joe doesn’t like doing this but he just can’t seem to stop himself. Joes problem probably stems from his past, he more than likely had a violent example during his childhood and this person had a big effect on Joes life. Plus Joe wants more money and is obviously frustrated with his current financial position in life. He has a family to feed and a mortgage to pay, etc. But Joe has one thing in his favour, he can pinpoint a negative action that displeases him.
Once we have pinpointed situations and our reactions to them that are negative we can start to change the way that we deal with that situation. Joe needs to sit down, grab a piece of paper and write down all the different ways he could have handled the situation that “sets him off” in a violent rampage against the dog. Once Joe has a list then he can choose an item off the list and think of ways to accomplish this item. Joe knows that the moment before he goes crazy at the dog he feels the anger swell up inside him, this is the turning point from “Good Old Joe” to “Violent Nasty Joe”. Joe needs to recognise this moment and take a deep breath and either walk away until he has calmed down or try the choice that he has chosen from his list of good remedies.
He may also go to a good book store and buy a book on dog training or go to the local library for the same type of book. Joe has options. We often think that we have no options but they are there if we look for them as Joe has decided to do. Finally Joe has control over his reaction to anything his dog does wrong. Joe understands that an animal is a simple creature that does not have the same thinking capacity or knowledge as a human has and due to this new understanding Joe accepts that he has mistreated his dog and will now discipline his dog in a manner which will stop the event happening again, therefore taking away the need for Joe to take action over this event again in the future.
Joe is very happy. But Joe finds out that he loses his temper at his wife and children, he “loses it” when issues come up. Joe now realises that he has to deal with all these problems one by one eliminating them with new remedies that are more favourable. This takes time but Joe is willing and refuses to give up. He is also willing to talk to his family and ask them to please bear with him until he deals with this problem. Within a period of time Joe is seen by his family and dog as a different person. Someone they grow to love more than ever before. Joe likes “the new Joe”.
Jenny goes to work and has a bad day when her boss reprimands her in front of her work mates and to make things worse she has some irritated customers that decide to take their problems out on Jenny. Jenny is bound to the company rules, she cannot do anything but stand there while her boss tells her off in front of her friends, she cannot get angry (even though she does inside) at her customers.
Jenny arrives home, she is tense and furious that she was treated the way that she was at work. Jenny loses her temper at members of her family. She is so angry that her held back frustrations have built up all day ready and waiting for a place to explode, which she does when she gets home. Jenny’s answer would be to do as Joe did and before she gets home she needs to release that energy or find a way to diffuse it. Jenny needs to recognise when she is pent up with energy. Jenny also needs to have the courage to deal with her situations at work and not at home.
Jenny needs to realise that her frustrations and angers are the results from a frustrating day at work and not baggage that she should carry around all day and finally take out on her family.
In today’s society people are very busy and many don’t have much time for that old joyful time when they were children, that pastime that whiles away a child’s tender years with happiness and laughter. We of the older set (over twenty) look at ourselves as older, wiser and as workers, people who contribute to the clockwork workings of the world. We are proud of our contributions, and our efforts are, in some cases, a contribution of many hours of work so that we can get ahead or feel that our efforts are worthwhile.
Even the younger set, the youthful people of the teenage set, try to look more mature, stronger and are willing to go to great extents to put a wide gap between their young years of 0 to 12 and their present age which is between those enchanting years of 13 to 19. They have a great need to feel older, and therefore they are wanting more respect for their age group. This is the special time when they have left the confines of the 0 to 12 age group to explore life with its many treasures and worldly wonders. They thirst for a job in the working market to get that all important wage packet that their parents and the schooling system have guided them towards. These young people hunger for the fascinating and mature lifestyle that had avoided them when they were so young and so wonderfully innocent. “Teens” as they are often called, are in general keen to test themselves against the establishment to prove that they are worth something and can get on by themselves, their parents or those who may repress their explosive urges to forge ahead and try new and exciting adventures, and have what they call fun, quickly forgetting those years of the past as soon possible so that they can soon establish themselves as adults.
Society accepts as one of its unwritten rules that we should all work and put in that time and money to make the world a better place, after all you are contributing to the worlds needs and they (unspokenly) are grateful for your struggles and efforts to bring this to place. The long restless hours of toil, the time away from those that you love, these are times when you can test your creative mind to its full extent to bring to bear the fruits for the employer who will then pass those afore mentioned fruits to the ever eager, hungry public, who need your precious time to get by in life.
But what of your personal fun? Why is it that so many people over the tender age of 12 strive to push away those tender years of fun? Do you have FUN?
Fun is a word that seems to have changed its meaning over time, especially for the older set. Childhood fun is the most rewarding mental and physical enjoyment that any adult or teenager could ever have. Imagine your stern-hearted boss using a skipping rope and chanting one of those delightful skipping rhymes that young children do in back yards all over the world. Look at your bosses face (in your mind) and imagine all your work mates or fellow students lining up for their turn.
Things that you could do to bring joy into your life:
Frolic with a dog
Walk hand in hand with the one that you love
Walk through a meadow
Play games with those joy experts – children
Join fun adult or teenager groups whose main aim is to have (real) fun
We need to bring more sunshine into our lives. Going to an adult party is not joy, it could be classed as fun and socialising but I wouldn’t call it a “pure joy” to be at one. Many adults consider going to the horse races as fun or drinking until four in the morning, playing poker, gambling, chasing the other sex for pleasures. Sitting for hours watching video’s, movies or DVD’s is not a thrilling, exhilarating kind of joy that will speed up your heart beats in a healthy way. Lets get away from the dull fun of adulthood and head for the more healthy fun of days gone by, our childhood.
The pure joy of fun can take your mind of your problems and help clear your thoughts for a while. This is good medicine in this day and age, I highly recommend that you take it on with both hands outstretched.
Look back over your life and write down the things that you did that brought joy into your life – mind you that we are talking about real joy here, not something that you enjoyed but it had a fateful tag attached to it. Think about the many things you and some friends could do for the fun of it. Now add some of the things that you always wanted to do ‘for the joy of it’ in your adult years, but never had the time or money to try it. With all these items on your list spend the next few weeks trying to figure out how you can bring some of those things to life. Make them happen.
Don’t let your sorrow or other emotions effect your thinking. If emotions effect your thinking then you are obviously not thinking straight. If your heart is broken then you may make decisions that you otherwise never would have made. Sometimes emotions should be given some time to wear off or wear down enough for you to think clearly.
When you think of something that you would really deeply like to be doing and it brings tears to your eyes, tears of sorrow, because it looks so much like an impossibility, then think of what it would be like to be young and think how much you would like it to happen and believe that you had the time to make it possible. It is easy to believe that it could happen because you are not wearing the negative armour of life that you have collected over the years. There is hope!
When you were young did you ever say something like this to your self?
“I want to live at the beach with my husband (or wife) in an old two-storey timber beach house. With a big garden full of flowers and vegetables, the sun soaking our bodies, fresh beach air pouring in from the vast and wonderful oceans, running our toes through the warm, sand and my arm around the one that I love who helped me bring those children into the world, with the Creator looking down at us all with love.” This can still happen – and it will happen – make it happen!
Take of that armour and make it happen, your dreams and desires have been confused by the hustle and demands of the modern world, a world created by modern man to make money for modern man.
Just as the song says sorry does seem to many people to be the hardest thing to say. But simple logic shows that it is a fast killer of an argument and a gracious way to admit that you made a mistake, and that you are sorry that you made that mistake. Unless the other person is trying to persecute you then once you have said sorry the other person will see it as an honest apology for a mistake or feelings hurt (or even a physical hurt) and let it go at that.
The simple logic is: Say sorry if you are wrong = end of argument.
I have witnessed people standing firm and refusing to apologise for a mistake that they have obviously made. These people will fight on forever until the other person (normally the one who has had a wrong done to them) decides to forget about it, or maybe storm off in pure frustration, or do something that they may regret later. What a difference a simple sorry would have made. The person who refuses to say sorry rants and raves and they lose peoples respect in the process.
Be strong and big in attitude and apologise when you have blundered and hurt somebody. A person that says sorry will always be seen in a better light than a person who always refuses to apologise. Remember that pride is just a feeling, it is not your existence so try never to let pride control you as if it ‘were you’ as it is not. All your emotions and feelings are you, pride is just one of them which sometimes tries to take over and shame you when it does. Put pride in the back seat, put you in the drivers seat.
Many people ask “Why forgive someone who has hurt me?” When you forgive somebody you cleanse your soul of any dislike, emotional pain or hatred that you may have for that person and what they have done to you. All people on this planet are going through many trials and errors, hurting you was obviously an error (even if they don’t know or believe this). Many trials and events lead a person to the path that they have taken through life, and each person bases many of their decisions on the things that they have learnt through their lifetime.
A consideration you could make is to see everyone the same as you, going through the travels of life. Both you and everyone else will make mistakes, and suffer many things as well as many wonderful things – you may act differently to someone else in the same situation, but in many situations you may act the same as them.
If you can see the sufferings people go through, then you can have a softer heart for their folly in life. Many people are mean spirited because of the way they were treated through life. If they were constantly picked on by their peers for one reason or another they form a protective barrier of arrogance, hate, meanness and things of the same nature. Like an aura of cannons and steel shields to protect them. This is their protection from hurt and pain, they have felt pain before and they didn’t like it, so to avoid it they will now inflict pain on others first. Sadly many of them go on to enjoy the feeling of power it gives them and this will finally destroy their life in one way or another.
It is like the saying “If you dig deep enough you will find a human with a soul”, and it is true for most people. If this mean spirited person causes you some harm, forgive them and feel sorry for them, because we both know that it must be a sad and lonely life living as they do.
Let bad feelings go and be grateful that you can move on and forget. This gives you the freedom to move on with your own life with no harmful limits (like hate and anger) holding you back from the joy of your life.
To hold any form of grudge will only do you and others close to you harm in the long run. Even if somebody taunts you after they have hurt you think of this, Jesus asked his Father God to forgive those who were killing him “for they know not what they do”. If Jesus could forgive his attackers under those conditions surely we can.
Forgive and forget does not really mean forget what the person has done to you to cause you pain as that is a lesson to learn from. It means forgive the person and forget the feeling that came with the crime that was done against you or those who you love. To forgive is not to say you are pleased that the crime was committed, it is to say that you will never hold the hatred or dislike in your mind of the person who committed the crime. To forget also means to move on and take the bad feeling of the event out of your mind so that you can get on with your life.
Living with guilt or the pain of hurting can be a struggle that effects our whole life and all that know us. Many people who have been victims of some injustice have spent many years or the rest of their lives being bitter and angry because they have been harmed in some way. This bitterness and anger can be very destructive and hurt all those that know and love the person who has been harmed. I have read many true stories about people who have been harmed and then feel self pity for themselves or who react with hatred towards the person who harmed them and then gone on to a life of misery because they did not know how to forgive the person or persons that had harmed them.
I often used to punish myself mentally when I was younger because I felt guilty about something that I had done whether it was an accident or a simple mistake. I needed a system that would help me clear away the guilt and help me move forward in such a way that I was helping myself progress when I did something wrong. The idea is to feel that I had forgiven myself and done whatever I could to ensure that I did not do whatever it was that made me feel guilty again.
I call it The Three Step Method To Forgiveness.
Step One:
Pray and ask God to forgive you. Let God know what you did to feel guilty and tell Him that you want forgiveness. If you feel ashamed of what you did then tell God and ask for His forgiveness and to please give you the strength to carry on. Ask for Gods Guidance as you work through the forgiveness stages.
Step Two:
Seek forgiveness off those who you may have hurt or who were hurt because of something that you did. If the person or persons that are hurt refuse to forgive you then pray and ask God to help them understand what you are trying to do. Don’t let people who refuse to forgive you stop your healing process, their reaction is sometimes the natural thing to do and it may take time for them to see that you really regret your previous actions.
Step Three:
Fix the problem that led to the guilt. Whatever mistake you made can be cured once you have realised that it was not a good thing to do or that a mistake led to people getting hurt. Learn from your lessons in life and your life will change.
If you are in jail for a crime then you already will know that you must pay for your crime in this way because that is what the law demands of you once you break the laws of the country that you live in. Go through the first two steps and then do whatever you can to change your ways so the crime will never be committed by you ever again. Be honest with yourself and use the methods in the rest of this book to help you overcome your fears.
The Three Step Method To Forgiving Others
To help cleanse your soul of the pain of being hurt by others you need to forgive those who try to or do harm you. The last thing a person who is suffering some sort of pain wants is to feel bitterness, hatred or anger. Forgiving is the only way that you can clear these destructive emotions from your life. Remember that God is the greatest forgiver of all and Gods help at this time of your life is very important so pray often to help you get over the issue.
Step One:
Pray to God and ask that those who have harmed you be forgiven for their sin. Ask God to bless them and ask God to please give you the strength to carry on. Pray for their salvation.
Step Two:
Consider seriously telling the person that harmed you that you have forgiven them for their sin and that you have prayed to God for their salvation. If you have trouble forgiving somebody for what they have done to you pray to God and ask for strength and Gods Guidance to help show you the way to completing this task. Be humble and strong.
Step Three:
Do whatever you can to learn from the experience. Plan so that you will avoid that situation again. If you need to change some habits to ensure that you will never be in that situation again, then do so. Remember that life is all about learning and how you cope with events that come your way, no matter how bad those events are. Be strong, be brave and remember there are many people who have suffered as you have and many have also got over their suffering by forgiving those that have harmed them.
You get a phone call, someone is coming to visit you later that evening. This puts you into a panic because you are very wary of that person and why they would want to see you. Maybe the person is an official of some organisation. Maybe it is a family member who always visits when there is bad news to be told. Whatever the reason you don’t like the idea at all. You talk to your family and friends who you may see that day about the situation. And during the course of the day you come up with many different theories about why this particular visitor is coming to see you. Your family and friends seem to think that you are panicking and indeed that is the way that you feel. Worry is getting you down. By the time the visitor arrives you are a nervous wreck, you may even stutter or knock something over when this person arrives. This just makes you feel foolish.
What happens in this situation is that we soak ourselves up in negative thoughts about the visit. We become a sponge that soaks up many different theories as to why this person should visit you. A few hours of negative thoughts can drive anyone a bit crazy and the tension of the situation can drive your nerves into panic. We need to show ourselves that this is an undesirable situation and this type of behaviour should be stopped as soon as possible.
The first step is to get a piece of lined paper and write down all your fears about this persons visit. As the day progresses and new thoughts come to mind about the visit, write them down as well. When the visit finally eventuates you will learn why this person has visited you. But best of all after the visit you can go through the list and tick off those reasons that were right and cross off those that were not right. If you want you can use different colored pens to highlight those that are ticks and those that are crossed off. My advice is for you to pray for Gods Guidance immediately after the phone call.
This could be a very enlightening experience for you because your entire list could be wrong. Maybe only a few items on the list could be right. So you will be able to prove to yourself how you threw away an afternoon by worrying and how you could have used up that time more constructively for yourself, your family and your friends. The next time you get a visit like this do the same thing, write down your fears and give yourself positive proof that worrying is not the answer to a happy life.
Learn to be prepared for visits that have worried you in the past. Sit down and think of what was needed the last time you saw that person. Only you know the answers to these questions and so only you can create a better situation. It is how you react to the phone call that makes a difference.
Another thing that you could do is when you write the list of items you use a different colored pen and write the results that you wish to happen or your own comments. Example:
John Doe may want to sell my house because I am behind in the house payments.
I will not allow this and will try positively to stop this action should it come to light.
John Doe may want more money off me for the house payments.
I cannot afford to give more money at present but I will try to come to some reasonable agreement to help solve the problem because I want the debt out of arrears as soon as possible.
By using this method you will have come up with many ways to combat any problems that may come to light during the visit. Your solutions can set your mind at rest to some degree while you get on with your day. You could then read this list just before the visit and if any of the items are brought up you will have a good answer and will already know what it is that you will do in response to the questions that may be put to you.
You can also use the above method when you get visits from sales people at your door. Example:
A salesman comes to my door and suggests insurance.
I will not buy an insurance from a door salesperson because I already have enough insurance for everything.
A salesman comes to my door and suggests that I buy some books or other products.
I prefer to buy what I want when I am able to afford it, not when someone offers me them at my doorway. I must be firm and sure of myself and tell them “No thank you!”
And when you get a knock at your door you can quickly browse through your list to confirm to yourself what you are interested in and what you are not interested in. This should save you some money and reaffirm to yourself that you are capable of making your own decisions at your doorway.
Try to think of other areas where this simple system can help you in your life and then use it.
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