When we are spiritually weakened by life we can become an easy victim to others, and then with an unconfident frightened soul we feel that we have nowhere to go and no one to turn to.
One of the weapons of domineering people is isolation. They find ways to isolate a person from general society (this keeps the victim away from people that can help them), and the victim feels more and more unconfident, and more and more alone, finally feeling that
no one wants to help them out of the horrible victim rut that they are in, and that no one can help them.
The narcissist types want the victim to become dependent on them. So they do some of things for the victim, and act like a hero and a wonderful person for helping the victim out. They can dramatize their efforts, and make sure that the good deed is stuck deep into the
victims mind so that it can be brought up at a later date as a weapon of guilt to use against the victims timid mind. The victim does not know true love so the victim feels that here is someone who loves and cares for the victim because this person is showing love by
doing things for them.
If the victim complains about being bullied etc then the bully will bring up the past and things that they did for the victim and that will create guilt (false guilt) and that makes the victim submissive all over again. Some parents create guilt about feeding and clothing a child
or child-adult, and then go on about medical expenses and sacrifices that they have done for the child/adult, but the reality is that all those things “all parents tend to do”, so it is no biggy at all. The real point is does the parent spiritually love the child/adult etc. Is the love
real? Is the parent really doing all that they can do to help the child/child-adult?
Fear is another weapon. It is what Hitler used, he ruled with the fist and many became so frightened that they did as he told them. In a violent relationship that can happen too. Fear of getting a hiding, fear of being alone and having no one to turn to for help, and fear that
when we try to explain the misery and hell that we are going through that we will be laughed at, called names, or feel ashamed of what we have become.
Fear can be used by the bully to scare the victim from someone who can help the victim, and the victim who is timid and very gullible falls for the trap and is scared of the people/person who can help the victim escape from the bully. Because the victim is so gullible, the
victim will gratefully thank and love the narcissist even more because it seems to the victim that they have been saved from certain attack etc.
Another weapon is the many mannerisms that the narcissistic types can instill in our minds. Like a hard stern look into our eyes just daring us to stand up to them, because if we do then we are going to “get it”. Often nothing happens, it is just the fear that the victim/s will
“get it” that is enough to control the victim/s.
A simple grunt of a certain tone used a few times in the past at the same time as violence or at the same time that punishment was dished out, has the victim in fear when the victim hears that grunt in the future. This is an “anchorism”, and can also be a visual action, or a
sound that the victim connects with the punishment, or violence, or outbursts in the past. So when they hear the “trigger” (the grunt or whatever) their mind returns to where they heard it in the past and they instantly fear a repeat of the past and submit to their captor.
It is like when the parent uses the child’s full name, and as soon as the child hears that name called, the child knows that they are in big trouble. This is because the parent only uses the child’s full name when the child is in some sort of trouble. The narcissist knows that
all they need to do is “press the right mental button” and the victim crumbles in a submissive heap (like a dog rolling on its back, tail between its legs in total submission when you use a certain tone of voice and hands on your hips).
It can also be just someone coming home from drinking with their mates. If the person comes home, is violent, then the next time that person goes out the people at home fear the person coming home. If the person coming home from drinking with their mates clicks-on to
the families fear then they can use it to their advantage.
If fear is carefully planted in a person’s mind and then carefully kept alive a victim can spend an entire lifetime as a victim, always living in fear of things that won’t ever happen, but always being controlled or hurt by someone else.
Body language, hands on the hips, the staunch challenge from the bully to the victim. An angry outbursts which has everyone in the house whispering and walking on tiptoes around that person afraid to set off another angry outburst that will lead to heaven knows what.
The angry outbursts are actually a weapon. The bully knows that the victim fears the outbursts and in their victim unconfident state the bully knows that the victim will do anything to submit and follow the bully because they live in fear wondering what the bully will do. The
fear of the unknown scares them. So the narcissists types have a planned outburst every few months or weeks just to keep everyone in line and doing as they are told.
Some victims hate themselves so much, are ashamed of the past, think that they are unworthy and trash that the harsh nasty treatment of the bully is accepted, because the suffering victim actually believes that this is what they deserve and this is the best that life is ever
going to be for them.
It is so easy for non-victims to judge a victim and put them down as a loser who is stupid enough to get what they deserve because they see it as the victim is so stupid that they won’t walk away from the abuse.
But many victims have been groomed for many years, and sometimes even by their own parents, to be totally submissive to someone. And when they leave the home they just go to a abusive relationship because that is all that they have known. They stay the victim,
and their husband or wife is the bully. It is the situation that the victim has always known.
Like the alcoholic the victim needs to know that the situation is bad for them and that they can have a better life. It is the “awakening of the mind” that they need. A realization that life can be better for that person. In the end it is up to the victim to break away and to do the
right thing for themself and possibly for the children if any are involved.
Being a victim of a domineering person is a very sad and hard situation to be in. It is like depression, hard to see the light of safety and hard to see hope, and yet a better life and hope are easily within reach.
All the best from
James M Sandbrook.
Thursday, 10 March 2016, 10:06:44 PM.