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All through our lives we are told that what we chose to do was our own choice and that is a good thing. But, what if you didn’t actually make the choice at all, it just seems that you did.
You see, all through our lives we are introduced in to habits, family habits, the local town habits, family thinking, family experiences, and with all that humans tend to not like change or the unexpected, so we tend to feel more at home being as we were brought up to be.
What you experienced is what you, as an adult have become used to all through your personal life up to this point in your life
If your parents were Police then you tend to see things along that line, and if your parents were gang members you see things as they do, or if your mother is a feminist, you see life as the feminist does, your father is a vintage car or drag racing enthusiast then you tend to be as well, and the reason for this acceptance of what your parents think, say and do, is that your soul was soaked up in their ways, habits, activities and so on, in other words what you were brought up to believe and do is all that you have really known, and it tends to become our belief system.
I noticed a lot growing up in the South Waikato that if the parents are heavy drinkers, partake in drugs and such, the children do as well, they don’t think about it, they don’t even as young adults consider that drug taking or alcohol could lead to darker times, suffering and such, they do it because their parents have always done it, so drinking has become the family culture.
In village life of days gone by the father would be a wheelwright, or a blacksmith, and the sons tended to follow suit and do the same. It was easier too because the sons got expert help from their own father and had a well needed education and trade, all got from their own home doorstep.
Today life is a lot different. But even so, the younger generations tend to often do exactly or close to what their parents taught them to be by observation and experiences at home. I knew a young Maori male and he was with his mates in to sniffing petrol, and I asked him why he would do such a thing, and he said because he asked his father if he could drink with him and his father told him to go away. So the young man took up another way to get wasted. You see, in that house, every weekend the father and his mates got drunk in the family garage, and this getting wasted was all that the son had known and he wanted to get wasted with his father and uncles, but was rejected, so since all he knew was getting wasted, he simply found another way to do it.
Life is our biggest Educator/Teacher, and if our young years are toxic or messed up, we tend to see nothing wrong with that and become it in some way ourselves.
But if we can recognise what our young years were, just an education, and that as a young adult or adult we can now do something completely different we should, especially if it is healthy, good for the soul.
Family can reject their siblings or adult-children’s choices because they are still mentally as a family living in the past, the old ways, the old habits, thus if the family has always been party goers, and one family members does not want to be that anymore and wants a new life, the entire family can come down on that one family member and really put the pressure on to bring the family member to heel and get back into the toxic rhythm of the family as it has always been.
Families can become very proud of who they are and what they do, and in that, see nothing wrong with what they are doing, so even if they are toxic and dysfunctional they are not really aware of it, even though it is obvious, they cannot see it and are proud of who they have become. This is why they become angry when an outsider interferes with their family.
If you want a different life, and a friend is helping you, then your family can attack the friend in many ways to drive the friend away to get you back into the family control. This might, to you, seem like love, and you can feel wanted by your family, but soon enough things will return to how they were, how they used to be, and how you have always lived, what you wanted to escape.
If you become aware that you don’t want to be who you were in the past, you need the courage to step away from the family and take your life into your own guidance and bring about the new you, new life/lifestyle, and a different way of living.
This article is just to let you know that you do have choices, and if you want a different life for yourself than what you have always known, you will need courage, and there is a possibility that parents/family may reject the new you and try to suck you back in to the past with many techniques because they want you to remain like them, with them, forever.
The old ways, habits and experiences are what we have become used to, thus we tend to feel comforted by them, and they give us a feeling of being grounded in the past, trouble is, is that this also could be how we can be caught up in the past and not allow ourselves a new different more amazing future away from the past, family and the old ways.
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